Kids say funny things

Mama was trying to teach Candra the importance of clearing up her toys...

Mama said: Candra, do you want the house to be messy?

Candra said: Yes.

Mama said: No. We want the house to be tidy.

Candra said: (Nodding her head) Tidy mess......

Mama: (Burst out laughing)!!! :P

It's tough to leave a passion behind..

It's not been easy coming to the decision of stopping work altogether. I felt so upset one morning at the thought of not being able to practise law again. If it was a job that I hated, leaving would be much easier. But I loved my job and I loved the environment in which I was working.

The partners of my firm are great people who love and care for me. They have been really supportive all these while and always tried their very best to accomodate my circumstances. Most importantly, they respected and understood always that my family is priority. When I had to make this decision to try stopping altogether to stay at home full-time, they did not in any way show displeasure but they were very disappointed. My direct superior especially, afterall, we have been working together for almost four years. Our working styles complement etc. and we are at the end of the day, friends.

After hearing me out on why I have decided in this way, they expressed their support for whatever decision I am about to make. However, they proposed that I take no-pay leave for a period of time just in case I feel like doing some work again at some point. They are ever prepared to work out flexible arrangements to suit my situation. They are not cancelling my practising certificate or my professional insurance in the meantime. They are so kind really. I don't think it is ever possible to find another working environment like this.

We treat each other like family members or at least good friends. This is something I really cherish. It's wonderful to have colleagues and superiors who can show such support.

On my end, there is excitement of course to the decision to stay at home full-time, I am already starting to think about what I would like to do etc. Though I do not at the moment foresee that I will really return to work after the no-pay leave (which they are fully prepared for), I must say that I am just taking things a step at a time because I am not entirely certainly what's going to happen in the long run.

I am really hoping that I will feel perfectly fine not lawyering again. I really love my job. I love the mindwork, I love the advocacy.... O Lord, please help me feel really fine.

Well, in 2 months time, I will moving on into a completely new phase. Honestly, I do not know what the future beholds and how I would adjust. But I know that the Lord will bring me through. :)

Yeah... finally...

Plucked up the courage to speak to my boss just now.

Told him that I will have to leave the job sometime pretty soon...

It was not an easy call to make because they have been really kind to me and have been trying to keep me around (to the extent that they allow me to just work for 2 days)...

But I guess the conflict in interests is one that cannot be resolved satisfactorily... I have to make a choice eventually and yes, I have made that choice.

I won't say I am feeling very good about having to tell them I need to leave for good, but I guess a part of me is relieved that there is finally some certainty to the whole matter.

What have we been up to lately???

I just expended a whole lot of energy struggling last week over some issues relating to my parenting.... and after expending all that energy, I realised those struggles were useless as usual. The root cause was, as usual, striving to gain the approval of God and doubting all the time whether I am 'approved' by Him and whether He is truly pleased with everything that I am doing as a mummy plus the decisions I have been making... Conclusion of the whole struggle came when hubby reminded me this, "since when do we need to gain the approval of God through our deeds and since when have we been able to gain his approval through our own means?"....I was reminded that God loves me no matter what I do and there is really no need to 'perform' well as a mummy.

Thankfully. I am feeling more settled this week and so far, everything's been good save that I seem to be struggling with some discontentment with my life... can't quite describe that feeling through the blog.. well, everythings going well, kids growing fine, family's happy, work's fine etc.......but, there is just some discontentment, or should I say disatisfaction somewhere.... think the question that often bugs me is that, "Shouldn't life be much more than these?"

On the home front, Candra's potty trained! Yeah! And she's now enjoying her rides on her tricycle. We purposely got her one which cannot be pushed by adults, so that means she got to work hard and moving it on her own.. :) She's been doing well and I am so glad she's expending energy in that manner......she's so bored at home.. and because she loves to eat, we try ways and means to expend her energy too. Plus I think she sleeps better with greater energy expenditure.

Joshua's becoming more and more responsive and he LOVES his sister :) They both love each other and I am truly thankful for that. His sister's movements and noises will always catch his attention first.. I can't wait to watch them play together more in future. He's quite easy now in that he can play for quite a while in the bouncer... can't imagine the day when he starts to crawl around.. I will be so exhausted I am sure..haha...ah well.. we shall see.

Hubby's been more free lately cos it's school holidays and his part-time studies have not resumed.. it's nice to see him relaxing a lot more during this period of rest.. and I feel less bad to ask him for help at home when he is having his long break haha!

Potty training.. not my cup of tea :)

Phew... both kiddos are napping now and hubby's going out to church first.

I love this afternoon slot when I get at least 2 hours to do my own stuff. I just completed some chores and thought I should blog a little before going on to have some personal reading time etc :)

Thankfully, after testing the system for a few days, Candra's fighting less for naps and bedtime already.. Phew... those few days of crazy tantrums from her really drove me crazy.

Actually, I have been feeling rather snappy since yesterday... and of course, during such times, Candra's whines will really get to me a lot more.

We have been trying to get some potty training done for quite a while.. sometimes, this little girl makes us feel that she's just being resistant to change and of course, she often refuses to be disrupted during her favourite meal and video times. I must admit that I lost my patience at many points in time, frustrated that she's just not getting it....thankfully. yesterday, she asked to go to the toilet to pass urine for the first time and today, a second time. :) We thought she would do better for 'big business' first but to the contrary, she miraculously picked up the skill of going to the washroom to urinate must faster :) When she did it for the first time, I felt that God was reminding me to be patient with my child. He reminded me that no matter how tough training may be, I must trust that my child will learn and because of that, I ought to be patient.

Well, this little girl's not doing it perfectly yet.. but I can tell she is learning and now seriously trying to cooperate with us. No more diapers for her at home now, so she's really got to cooperate if not mummy will have lots of cleaning to do.

She's always super excited when we get all excited about her doing her big and small businesses in the toilet bowl :)

I am so happy we have reached this next milestone for our girl.. :) Finally.. heehee