The Lord is My Banner

Joshua turned 1 today :)

2012-01-29T22:02:00.003+08:00

My boy's one year old :) Time flies...

We did not hold any big party for him.. just simple celebrations throughout the day.

The special day started out with hubby, myself and Candra singing a happy birthday song to him when he woke up in the morning.

Then we went to church for service, and were pleasantly surprised when our pastor shared from Joshua 1:1-9! We enjoyed the sermon thoroughly because we knew God was speaking to our little one on this special day. Joshua 1:8-9 were the verses that led us to decide to name our little boy Joshua :)

^"8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:8-9)

I was so touched because I felt that God wanted to remind our little boy and us, on this special day, the destiny he has in Him. Never ever would I expect God to speak in such a manner. It's our prayer for little Joshua that he would grow up to be strong and courageous and accomplish great things for God. :)

After the service, our lovely cg bought a small slice of cake, a balloon & presents for him. Sang him the birthday song again.. though it was a short celebration, it was really fun and meaningful.

Spent some time with his grandparents (hubby's parents), we had some durian puffs instead of a cake which were fantastic.. they enjoyed playing with the 2 kiddos.. :)

Dinner was spent with some of my relatives and that was again so much fun! :)

By the end of the day, after having heard the birthday song so many times, he finally smiled when I sang it over to him again on the car on the way back home!! Though he may not have understood much that was going on, I think he had fun.

Joshua is such a sweet little boy. He has a pretty good temperament (apart from sleep time of course) and is just so fun to play with. He is a happy and active boy who loves his sister and generally feels comfortable amongst our friends and with crowds! He enjoys the company of people... just as we all enjoy his company! :) He is just lovely in his unique way... a simple and gentle boy.

He has brought so much joy into our lives and added so much colour to our family. We are so glad he is number 2 and we are ever so thankful that God blessed us with him!

We love you Joshua! Happy Birthday!

Her first personal prayer request..:)

2011-12-05T21:29:00.002+08:00

Candra, out of the blue, made her first personal prayer request which warmed our heart...

"Mummy, please pray for me because I have not passed motion today.."

We were encouraged by that request because though simple, it displayed an understanding about prayer :)

And yes, how I wish my kids will grow up knowing that there is nothing too insignificant in God's eyes to pray about! :p

And most importantly.. to know that He will always listen.

She just wants to win! :)

2011-12-05T21:28:00.000+08:00

Candra & 外公 arguing over the identity of a figurine in traditional

chinese costume from our hometown in China:

Candra: 这个是mummy.

外公: 不是，是太外婆。。。

Candra:不是,是mummy！

外公: 不是，是太外婆！

Candra:不是,是mummy！

外公: 不是，是太外婆！

Candra: 好！是太mummy!

Candra's sayings :)

2011-12-02T23:43:00.001+08:00

Candra: O for playground.

Me: No, P for playground.

Candra: Old playground (there are 2 playgrounds near our place, one is new, so the other is old.

My girl and her world of technology..

C: Mummy, can I have my iPhone pls....(at that time WG was not using one yet)

C: Mummy, where is my iPad? (We don't even have one at home)

C: Mummy, I want to charge my phone. Where is my charger? Oh! Papa brought my charger to work already!

(Just this morning)
C: Mummy, let me check my email first ok?

(In the afternoon)
C: Mummy, I want to send SMS to papa ok?

My Maker speaks :)

2011-11-02T16:02:00.002+08:00

It's been a difficult month. Been struggling with some issues and I would say super intensive emotions. Depressed etc....

Yesterday, during the kids' nap, I felt prompted to go read His Word because I knew I needed badly to fill my mind with that to fight the ongoing battle.

Not knowing exactly which passage I was going to read and without the intention of just reading whichever page I landed on when I opened the bible, I opened the bible. The page landed on a Psalm. Somehow, I was prompted to read that Psalm. As I read on, verse by verse, I knew in my heart that God was speaking. The words of that Psalm spoke to my heart and I felt identified with by the Psalmist. That kind of identification was powerful and I was led to study it in greater depth. To my amazement, I felt much much better after hearing from God through that Psalm and was immediately released from those intense emotions into the peace which He wanted to give me.

The experience of knowing that God has spoken precisely and specifically frees me. Nothing beats hearing from my Almighty Father. He has proven to me once again that He is with me and He is close-by. He is a personal God who desires to relate to us in the depths of our beings.

Psalm 34: 18

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

This song also came to me:

I Cry Out

I cry out for Your hand of mercy to heal me

I am weak and I need your love to free me

O Lord, my Rock, my strength in weakness

Come rescue, O Lord

You are my hope, Your promise never fails me

And my desire is to follow you forever

For You are good, for You are good, for You are good to me

Candra at 30 months, Joshua at 9 months

2011-10-27T22:02:00.003+08:00

Time flies... Candra's 30 months old and Joshua's 9 months old.

Joshua's cruising and moving around a lot. We notice that he is a lot more active as compared to Candra. We find him a milder character too... quieter... and entertains himself with toys etc. better. (Candra at the same age was showing signs of boredom very frequently... even until now haha). He is a sweet boy...and I am thankful that he is a good eater too. :) We are thankful that he is generally not too difficult a boy (guess we are comparing him to his sister here haha)...Well, we shall see.. it's hard to tell accurately at this young age... but we both feel that he has a milder personality.. :P

Candra's speaking a lot and thankfully in both languages for now.. :) She always makes us feel that she is much older than her actual age. Since day 1 actually. We kind of feel like she is advanced by 6 months or more in her brain power haha.. :p Guess that explains why she is easily bored (and this we observed since she was really young)...She needs a lot of interaction and stimulation on a daily basis (which makes my life rather tough at times)... but all in all, we enjoy her tremendously. She converses likes she's really grown up haha! At this age, she can recognize numbers 0 to 9, capital A to Z, and a number of shapes and colors. This girl has a strong personality... and tests our patience quite a bit. But well, we are still thankful that she's been growing up and learning well. She's cute.

A timely reminder

2011-09-27T23:29:00.002+08:00

Chapter 38 from the book, "Relationship Principles of Jesus"....

"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." (Matthew 5: 44-45)

Question to consider: Have I asked God for the strength to act with love towards someone who is treating me as an enemy?

a HUGE gift from God

2011-09-27T23:12:00.003+08:00

Here's the story:

Hubby and I have been eyeing the iMAC for a while because of the no-CPU concept.... plus we also found a super nice and slim computer table to go with that online.. :) Problem is, both of them added together = huge purchase.

Lately, we have been on this "clear the house of clutter" project.. and so the 2 items are really appealing.

Because of the amount involved, we contemplated over a long time and prayed to God honestly about our hearts' desire. We specifically asked God to give us the peace to go ahead with the purchase.

When we first thought we had to peace to purchase them online, we sat down at the computer ready to click and go. Suddenly, hubby asked me, what are we going to do with our existing computer and tables then? Haha :) when he asked me that, immediately, I lost the peace to click and go! Then I told him, hmmm...looks like we have to wait and not go ahead with the purchase yet. We do have to responsibly settle our existing tables and computer first before buying anything new.

After that, we embarked on the give everything away project :) Thankfully, we managed to give away all of them to people who either need or would make good use of them! Only after settling everything did we have the peace to click and go! :)

That's not the end of it... the beautiful table arrived 2 days ago and the iMAC arrived today :p...the funny thing was this, hubby, out of the blue yesterday went to explore an unused wallet of mine (initially thinking that maybe he could use it but thereafter realising that it was too girly.. haha...) in the hope of finding some money :P....and to his surprise, he found a cheque in my wallet!!!

Best part was this, the cheque (which has expired), is for $X which almost matches exactly the amount we have to pay for the 2 items!!!! The cheque was actually a gift to us quite some time back.

We were both very pleasantly surprised because we were prepared to be out of pocket by $X....with that cheque of about $X.... we feel like we have just received a huge gift!!!

And we both are thankful to God for leading us throughout this purchase and pleasantly surprising us this way :p

One important lesson that we learnt though...God wants us to be good stewards of everything God has given to us. We cannot just spend $ in any way we want and lead to unnecessary wastage of resources.

We feel so loved by God really... hehehe

Candra's first self-initiated prayers

2011-09-22T14:22:00.003+08:00

The very first one that we still cannot quite understand...

Candra: Dear Father, please help me to 'tar-sher' my body, in Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

For mama

Candra: Dear Father, please help mama..somemore babies. (skipped the 'have' :p haha)

For her little brother

Candra saw a little puppy in her devotion book today and said she wanted to pray for the dog.

I went...errr....how do you want to pray for a dog?

Candra: Err.............Dear Father....please help didi not be scared of the dog. :) [Joshua's been afraid of our dog Farnia at my mum's place]

That was so sweet I thought :)

I know God loves me because...

2011-09-22T14:17:00.002+08:00

I have been using a book called "100 ways to know that God loves me" with Candra for devotion.

Each day, one truth will be taught about how we know He loves us.

This is what Candra loves to say,

"I know God loves me because...God loves me :)"

That to me, is a profound statement and can be interpreted in 2 ways.

1) God's loves is such an evident fact that there we hardly need to further describe how He loves us and the ways in which He shows that.

2) Because God loves us, He will cause us to know that He loves us. Knowledge of His love is the foundation of life.

I do feel encouraged each day after our devotion time together....It's wonderful being reminded of His love.

Encouraged

2011-09-20T22:51:00.002+08:00

This morning, Joshua was displaying naughty behaviors on the highchair while taking his solids.

Usually, as a part of training him, I would constantly remind him not to repeat the same naughty action. I would probably go something like, "Joshua, pls don't do that" or "Joshua, no, no".

Candra would often imitate me by repeating after me. But this morning, she said something different that really struck me. She said, "Joshua, please obey mama".

My girl's really growing up.. :) by saying that to Joshua, she showed me that she has some understanding of obedience. That to me is really crucial for the bible commands children to obey their parents. I was encouraged by that :p

She has also been enjoying praise songs.. what's really cute is this.. she uses, "this is my favourite song" or "my favourite song is.." on a thousand and one songs! :) haha.. well, she doesn't quite get the idea of 'favourite' huh.. haha..but it's nice to know she enjoys singing them...and I must say that it's really enjoyable listening to little kids praising God!

Putting aside her other naughty behaviours.. this girl never fails to brighten up by day with these encouraging moments... :)

Candra's understand on holy communion

2011-09-11T23:51:00.001+08:00

(In mandarin)

During Holy Communion one sunday..

Mummy: Candra, this biscuit represents Jesus' body.. Jesus died on the cross for our sins...and this ribena drink which is red in colour represents His blood..because He bled on the cross..

Candra: Mama, I also fell down and bled and need to eat biscuit and drink ribena!

Mummy: Errr.......err.....?????

Candra wants more siblings :)

2011-09-11T23:47:00.003+08:00

(In mandarin)

Mummy: Candra, we should pray for at least one person each day. Who do you want to pray for today?

Candra: Thinking hard...

Mummy: How about auntie KW, she is getting married and now very stressed....

Candra: No!

Mummy: Then who do you want to pray for?

Candra: For mama

Mummy: Oh.. how do you want to pray for mama?

Candra: Pray for mama to have a baby in stomach

Mummy: Haha :P ok

Candra: (Placing her hand on my tummy voluntarily)....

Mummy: (Leading her in prayer).... Dear God....please give mama, a didi (bro) OR meimei (sis)

Candra: (Repeating)...Dear God... please give mama, a didi (bro) AND meimei (sis)!

Discovering Joshua

2011-09-01T23:19:00.003+08:00

Joshua cried for 2 whole hours just now after being put down for bedtime.

Hubby and I were initially clueless as to why he kept crying. We tried to ease him of all possible discomfort... even after all that, he continued to cry.. and we could tell he was crying in protest. We did what we used to do during his sleep training phase, that was to go into his room to comfort him in intervals...we did that many times over the 2 hours but still he went on and on...

My instincts and his behavior told me that he wanted to be nursed even though he was not hungry. That's the weird part.. he has always been self-soothing to sleep.. he sucks his left thumb.. but for some reason.. he wanted to be nursed... and when I tried to give him his thumb, he would shove my hand aside.

The battle between us and him went on and on and on...until we decided that we may have to spank him to get he message across to him. That was a difficult decision because afterall, Joshua's only 7 months old. Most people would say infants at this age are too young for that. But we remembered that Candra was spanked even earlier when she too gave us sleep problems and it worked for her. So that made us consider doing the same for Joshua.

After praying and hearing him protest for 2 whole hours with hard crying, we finally decided to do it. Hubby spanked him once, he cried even harder..then he looked to me....and I knew I had to spank him again. When we left the room, he continued to cry.. but the crying was less intense and we felt there was a change of heart..and shortly thereafter... silence... our boy got the message and decided to give up.

Maybe some would feel that I was being cruel to him because nursing him would have avoided all that crying... but to me, giving in this once equates to cultivating a new habit which may encourage unnecessary night-waking... moreover, he has proven himself to be able to sleep on his own for the last 4 months at least.

This boy is strong... I knew that from his 8 weeks of sleep and routine training.. but this time round, I felt it even more strongly.

May God have mercy on us and on this boy especially... I cried so hard while praying for him with hubby throughout the whole process..

God trains us while we train our children...

Conversations that warm my heart

2011-08-14T21:16:00.002+08:00

Outing to JYF

Me: Candra, did you go to JYF with daddy?

Candra: Yes

Me: Did you enjoy JYF?

Candra: Yes

Me: What did the brothers and sisters do in JYF?

Candra: Sit down, stand up, sing songs, pray, praise the Lord! :P

Worship service

Candra: Mama, may I have my tambourine please?

Mama: Why do you want your tambourine? It is not play-time, we are going off to church...

Candra: I want my tambourine, to sing songs and praise the Lord! :P

(So yup, how can mummy disallow her to bring it when she wants to use it to praise the Lord... and yes! she used her tambourine during praise time today :p)

Back from a run!

2011-07-29T22:10:00.002+08:00

Feels good after a good (though short) run..hehe

Lately, I have been trying to start running... sometimes, I wonder how do full-time stay at home mummies without helpers find the time to exercise. It's been so tough trying to find the time to get a good swim or run. Sometimes, I tell myself I should wake up earlier to run... but haha, I don't always succeed in doing that. Other times, I try to run after the kids go to bed (like tonight) but very often, I find myself too lazy to move haha...guess at the end of the day, it's all about determination and discipline!

When I did not have kids, I was concerned for my health, but not as much as I am now. It's scary hearing about the illnesses going around modern people like us with sedentary lifestyles. For the sake of the children, mummy and daddy must train up!!!!! Daddy has signed up for Standard Chartered Run 21km (although the plan is to run 10km only haha)... what about mummy? :) I want to sign up for a marathon too..but no time to train, that's one...and err...who's going to look after the kiddos during the marathon? :( Can only dream of doing that in my head I guess.

Yeah! 4 August coming... 4th wedding anniversary! :) Hubby and I finally decided we should really scoot out for M-time next tuesday evening and leave the kiddos with my parents and sis. Well, they get to stay overnight somewhere else and we get our M-time.....it's been such a long time since we got to enjoy some proper M-time... ever since Joshua arrived :( Looking forward to that... wanna catch a movie...I haven't done that in a long long while..more than half a year maybe? Deprived huh? haha :) Now, let's pray everything goes well next tuesday!

My work

2011-07-21T17:34:00.004+08:00

Just finished a one day trial today...

If I were to stop work altogether.. I will never get to conduct a trial in court again.. never get to apply advocacy skills... never get to experience the 'kick' of going through a trial...

Well.. advocacy is really fun....

And there's something I really enjoy about believing in a case and fighting for it...

Like today..no doubt it's just a "small" case and not a big amount is involved, I enjoyed the process of advocating what I believe is the truth.

God said, to treat big and small cases alike, to do justice to the poor and not favour the rich...

Painful to give it all up I must say...

My great helper :)

2011-07-05T15:07:00.003+08:00

Just now, I changed Joshua's diapers before putting him down for a nap.

I left the used diaper on the sofa for a very brief moment, turned around and put Joshua to bed. In less than a minute or maybe a few seconds, i turned back, intending to pick up the used diaper so that I could throw it away, to my surprise, it disappeared! I was in a shock for a moment.. how could something just disappear like that in a matter of seconds.

The next moment, my little darling Candra walked into the room, looking very pleased with herself, and said (in mandarin), "Didi's diaper has been thrown into the dustbin in the kitchen :)"

I was so pleased at that moment and so encouraged by the fact that she took the initiative to throw the diaper into the bin :) She was trying to be helpful.

Well, the paranoid mummy would of course wonder next whether she just threw it around or beside the dustbin and not inside the dustbin... so I went to check.. hehehe.. bingo! She threw it right into the plastic bag in the dustbin...

So yeap! she did a perfect job there! Such a sweet girl isn't she?

Kids say funny things

2011-06-30T14:34:00.001+08:00

Mama was trying to teach Candra the importance of clearing up her toys...

Mama said: Candra, do you want the house to be messy?

Candra said: Yes.

Mama said: No. We want the house to be tidy.

Candra said: (Nodding her head) Tidy mess......

Mama: (Burst out laughing)!!! :P

It's tough to leave a passion behind..

2011-06-30T10:34:00.004+08:00

It's not been easy coming to the decision of stopping work altogether. I felt so upset one morning at the thought of not being able to practise law again. If it was a job that I hated, leaving would be much easier. But I loved my job and I loved the environment in which I was working.

The partners of my firm are great people who love and care for me. They have been really supportive all these while and always tried their very best to accomodate my circumstances. Most importantly, they respected and understood always that my family is priority. When I had to make this decision to try stopping altogether to stay at home full-time, they did not in any way show displeasure but they were very disappointed. My direct superior especially, afterall, we have been working together for almost four years. Our working styles complement etc. and we are at the end of the day, friends.

After hearing me out on why I have decided in this way, they expressed their support for whatever decision I am about to make. However, they proposed that I take no-pay leave for a period of time just in case I feel like doing some work again at some point. They are ever prepared to work out flexible arrangements to suit my situation. They are not cancelling my practising certificate or my professional insurance in the meantime. They are so kind really. I don't think it is ever possible to find another working environment like this.

We treat each other like family members or at least good friends. This is something I really cherish. It's wonderful to have colleagues and superiors who can show such support.

On my end, there is excitement of course to the decision to stay at home full-time, I am already starting to think about what I would like to do etc. Though I do not at the moment foresee that I will really return to work after the no-pay leave (which they are fully prepared for), I must say that I am just taking things a step at a time because I am not entirely certainly what's going to happen in the long run.

I am really hoping that I will feel perfectly fine not lawyering again. I really love my job. I love the mindwork, I love the advocacy.... O Lord, please help me feel really fine.

Well, in 2 months time, I will moving on into a completely new phase. Honestly, I do not know what the future beholds and how I would adjust. But I know that the Lord will bring me through. :)

Yeah... finally...

2011-06-24T21:28:00.002+08:00

Plucked up the courage to speak to my boss just now.

Told him that I will have to leave the job sometime pretty soon...

It was not an easy call to make because they have been really kind to me and have been trying to keep me around (to the extent that they allow me to just work for 2 days)...

But I guess the conflict in interests is one that cannot be resolved satisfactorily... I have to make a choice eventually and yes, I have made that choice.

I won't say I am feeling very good about having to tell them I need to leave for good, but I guess a part of me is relieved that there is finally some certainty to the whole matter.

What have we been up to lately???

2011-06-15T15:03:00.003+08:00

I just expended a whole lot of energy struggling last week over some issues relating to my parenting.... and after expending all that energy, I realised those struggles were useless as usual. The root cause was, as usual, striving to gain the approval of God and doubting all the time whether I am 'approved' by Him and whether He is truly pleased with everything that I am doing as a mummy plus the decisions I have been making... Conclusion of the whole struggle came when hubby reminded me this, "since when do we need to gain the approval of God through our deeds and since when have we been able to gain his approval through our own means?"....I was reminded that God loves me no matter what I do and there is really no need to 'perform' well as a mummy.

Thankfully. I am feeling more settled this week and so far, everything's been good save that I seem to be struggling with some discontentment with my life... can't quite describe that feeling through the blog.. well, everythings going well, kids growing fine, family's happy, work's fine etc.......but, there is just some discontentment, or should I say disatisfaction somewhere.... think the question that often bugs me is that, "Shouldn't life be much more than these?"

On the home front, Candra's potty trained! Yeah! And she's now enjoying her rides on her tricycle. We purposely got her one which cannot be pushed by adults, so that means she got to work hard and moving it on her own.. :) She's been doing well and I am so glad she's expending energy in that manner......she's so bored at home.. and because she loves to eat, we try ways and means to expend her energy too. Plus I think she sleeps better with greater energy expenditure.

Joshua's becoming more and more responsive and he LOVES his sister :) They both love each other and I am truly thankful for that. His sister's movements and noises will always catch his attention first.. I can't wait to watch them play together more in future. He's quite easy now in that he can play for quite a while in the bouncer... can't imagine the day when he starts to crawl around.. I will be so exhausted I am sure..haha...ah well.. we shall see.

Hubby's been more free lately cos it's school holidays and his part-time studies have not resumed.. it's nice to see him relaxing a lot more during this period of rest.. and I feel less bad to ask him for help at home when he is having his long break haha!

Potty training.. not my cup of tea :)

2011-06-04T14:31:00.002+08:00

Phew... both kiddos are napping now and hubby's going out to church first.

I love this afternoon slot when I get at least 2 hours to do my own stuff. I just completed some chores and thought I should blog a little before going on to have some personal reading time etc :)

Thankfully, after testing the system for a few days, Candra's fighting less for naps and bedtime already.. Phew... those few days of crazy tantrums from her really drove me crazy.

Actually, I have been feeling rather snappy since yesterday... and of course, during such times, Candra's whines will really get to me a lot more.

We have been trying to get some potty training done for quite a while.. sometimes, this little girl makes us feel that she's just being resistant to change and of course, she often refuses to be disrupted during her favourite meal and video times. I must admit that I lost my patience at many points in time, frustrated that she's just not getting it....thankfully. yesterday, she asked to go to the toilet to pass urine for the first time and today, a second time. :) We thought she would do better for 'big business' first but to the contrary, she miraculously picked up the skill of going to the washroom to urinate must faster :) When she did it for the first time, I felt that God was reminding me to be patient with my child. He reminded me that no matter how tough training may be, I must trust that my child will learn and because of that, I ought to be patient.

Well, this little girl's not doing it perfectly yet.. but I can tell she is learning and now seriously trying to cooperate with us. No more diapers for her at home now, so she's really got to cooperate if not mummy will have lots of cleaning to do.

She's always super excited when we get all excited about her doing her big and small businesses in the toilet bowl :)

I am so happy we have reached this next milestone for our girl.. :) Finally.. heehee

Injecting love into daily routines

2011-05-31T15:51:00.002+08:00

I have been feeling so exhausted since sunday.. and still feeling exhausted now. I think it's because last week was a very tiring week.. with all of us down with a cold except little Joshua.

Whenever I feel tired, it's so easy for me to start getting stressed up and anxious over every other thing. As I mentioned in my previous blog, Candra's been starting to fight us on many many things too... (but my dear mentor's reminded me to gain the right perspective on things so that I don't take this new phase of hers negatively :) thanks dear!)...All in all, I am currently feeling not just physically but also emotionally drained.

Thankfully, God reminded me not to go 'there' (where the negative thoughts linger...).. I consciously told myself repeatedly yesterday not to start dwelling on negative thoughts.... at night, just before I slept, I decided to pick up the book I have been reading on and off (which happens to be the book our whole church will be reading together for the upcoming 40days of Love campaign).

God spoke through a simple and short chapter from the book... this is what the author said which really struck me,

"How much of what you call love has become just a habit? You do what you do today because you did it yesterday- whether bathing your kids or going to work to support your family or giving an offering to the Lord. How can you renew a love that has grown old?......................Here instead is where to begin: rediscover the attitude of love in the everyday habits of your life. You simply take the things that have become mere habit and inject love into them again....Why is this so important? Because much of life is routine. If you don't allow love to become a part of the routine of life, love will be missing from the majority of the minutes in your day." (excerpts from 'The Relationship Principles of Jesus' by Tom Holladay)

The essence of the whole chapter was this, we cannot love if we are relying on ourselves to love... we will grow tired and weary from loving... Only by relying on the power of Christ in us can we continually inject love into our daily routines.

God knew I was feeling so tired that I dreaded another day of doing everything that I have been doing on a daily basis... He knew I was wondering where on earth I was going to find the energy and motivation to love and care for hubby and kids......

When I read all that, I was comforted, not because I was suddenly strengthened physically or emotionally, but because I knew that I could face another day with his power within me and inject love into the daily routines solely because I could lean on Him.

Praise the Lord!

To tired mummies out there, remember to inject love into our daily routines... and most importantly, rely on the power of Jesus! :)

Terrible Two

2011-05-30T14:36:00.002+08:00

Argh..Candra's just turned 2 years old a month ago..

Now I get it when people use the word 'terrible two'...!!!

She's been asserting herself even much more than before...loves to say 'NO' and 'Bu yao (no in mandarin)' to EVERYTHING... she doesn't want to wash her hands, doesn't want to brush her teeth, doesn't want to drink water, doesn't want to play with her toys, doesn't want to do this and do that.. blah blah blah.. and the list goes on.......crazy crazy..

The worst thing is this, she now fights me during her naps and bedtime... crazy amount of crying before sleep now... such a sudden change.. she used to be so good with her naps and bedtime. Hai..

But well.. I guess after reading off information on different websites, I have come to realise that I am not alone in this.

Sigh...........terrible two..!! :(

He flipped :)

2011-05-26T13:53:00.002+08:00

This morning, I went to pick little Joshua up at 8am.. :) To my pleasant surprise, he had flipped over and he was happily sucking his little thumb.. looking so pleased. Cute.. heehee

A kid's prophecy? haha

2011-05-11T22:53:00.001+08:00

Well, we singaporeans have been discussing lots about politics lately.. so yeap, some discussions have been on-going in my family too..

My aunt (in mandarin): Hmm..I wonder who is going to be the next Foreign minister...

Candra: PAPA!

:) I laughed my head off!

God really speaks! - Loving God with all your mind

2011-05-07T23:14:00.004+08:00

Today was an anxiety-filled day. Many things went wrong... without giving the full details of what went on through my whole day, I would just say that the day was BAD, VERY BAD...bad because I was so drawn into my anxieties, I had intense negative thoughts, doubts and worries about the future. Those who know me well will know that I can be a pretty intense person at times. When I am hit by anxieties and negative thoughts seemingly uncontrollably (all of which can be pretty absurd), my mind will suddenly feel highly under stress physically, the muscles will tighten and tension headaches start to happen. Have you ever experienced intense anxiety which causes you to react physically? That was me for almost the whole of today...

It got so bad that when I was giving my boy his bedtime feed, I cried out to God, "Father, please save me! The stress from worrying is killing me! Please save me!" The stress and anxieties were too much for me to handle.

Immediately after I prayed that prayer, I had this thought, "Hey, stop thinking and clear your mind." I felt that I had to jump out of my worries and negative thoughts and really STOP thinking. I felt that I had to stop thinking on those thoughts, stop talking to hubby or anyone for that matter about those thoughts, and not even talk to God about those anxieties... JUST STOP, that was what came to me.

Then hubby reminded me that I need to think on God's Word and we both started talking about the verse in Philippians 4:8..the verse that teaches us to think on what is true, noble, admirable, excellent etc.....

And so I went to pick up the book "THE RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLES OF JESUS" which our church will be going through under the 40Days of Love campaign sometime in the 2nd half of this year. Turned to Day 5 because that's the next reading.. GUESS WHAT! The chapter 'Love God will all your mind and strength' started off this way,

"Stop for a moment and totally clear your mind. What was your first thought after you cleared your mind....Or it may be worry...it may be a negative thought"

Then it goes on to say,

"To love God with all your mind, you must put God's words into your mind."

And then,

"One of the most powerful verses in the Bible for turning your thoughts to God is Philippians 4:8. I urge you to memorise this verse:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

Haha! Both hubby and I immediately went, "WOW!" That's how clearly God speaks to us huh..We were just talking about me clearing my mind and how I should turn to God's word, Phil 4:8 etc.. haha :)

I prayed, "God save me" earlier on and He answered my pray immediately!!!!! He spoke clearly that I MUST stop thinking on those nonsensical thoughts and start thinking on Him.. :) Though this is not the first time God is giving me this message, it's always refreshing to hear God speak so so so clearly and in such a timely manner. 'Timely' is the word. :)

How can anyone say that God does not speak?

He does and that's how intimate He wants to get with us. :)

God is so so so good...........!

Well..what happens after we hear God? Action must follow.. I hope that in the coming days, I will really put in good effort to focus my thoughts on Him.

Rest in Him

2011-05-02T11:22:00.002+08:00

I fell ill yesterday and I have been feeling super tired over the past few days. Experiencing some tension headaches too and all these point to one thing, STRESS.

I am so glad I had some time this morning to start journalling and be quiet before the Lord. I tried to release my tension and fatigue through sleep, personal time and some entertainment, but I knew in my heart that true rest can only be attained in His presence. All those methods of stress relief are but temporary. So yup, finally took some time to be quiet before the Lord to pour out everything to Him... and I know I've got to do that somemore before I can truly say I am well rested.

I have been plagued with worries and fears.. been wondering whether it is 'right' to go back to part-time and home-based work...whether I am trying to accomplish too much i.e. work, family and ministry.......ministry because although I am no longer formally serving in any ministry, I wish to continue ministering to people from home... Well, being the thinker or OVERthinker that I am, I will always inevitably get myself super stressed up and tensed.......

Talked to God about things just now.. about everything on both hubby's and my plate....ultimately, we can only surrender ourselves to God's guidance on all these critical life decisions. If He leads us somewhere or to do some things, we also have to trust Him to give us the necessary strength and capacity to go through all the difficulties and stress which come along. That's life....as the saying goes, life is not a bed of roses.... but our hearts' desire is that we would not just SURVIVE through all the difficulties and challenges but THRIVE.

Both of us are being immensely stretched in all directions now that we are parents of two... but through all these, we are also learning to rely on God even more. To rely on Him for physical, emotional and spiritual strength...everyday... every moment...

No matter what, God will always be good... :)

I Need Thee Every Hour

2011-04-23T23:48:00.003+08:00

It's almost midnight now, but both hubby and I are not asleep yet. We just spent some time talking after putting our kids to bed... and we are still not going to sleep yet because we feel that we need some more personal space. Very often, we unknowingly pressurize ourselves to sleep early because our mind tells us that we need sufficient rest to meet the demands during the day. BUT, sometimes, this kind of pressure makes it even more difficult for us to get restful sleep. So yup, we concluded today that we each need to get some more personal time to relax before turning in, even if it means turning in late. Basically, we want to turn in when our hearts feel more at rest.

Ever since Joshua arrived, I have been running like a machine... this machine runs non-stop during the day, gets some rest at night and then starts running again the next day. There is hardly time to stop, relax, reflect and rest...Thankfully, by God's grace, Joshua started sleeping through the night after the 8plus 9pm feed and dropped his dream feed this week. YEAH! No more night feeds after bedtime at about 9pm. Finally, I can get my continuous night sleep... and he only starts the day at 7plus 8am. All parents yearn for good sleep at night I am sure... and I am super grateful for that now. At least I can rest after the kids are put to bed.

Yesterday, we were at hubby's parents' place... managed to scoot out for a 1 hour M-time...our first M-time since Joshua arrived. Though short, it was better than nothing... Looking forward to more M-time now that Joshua's trained. Can drop the kids at parents' place more easily and scoot out for some M-time.

It's been crazy taking care of the kids and chores at home... well, I am managing..but I am still adjusting. Something else more crazy's coming along... I am going to return to work. Going into office 2 times a week and working from home. Haha.. I know, to mummies out there who have no help, this sounds absolutely crazy. :) I think so too.... Actually, I am a little apprehensive about the whole thing... training Joshua on the bottle now (so far so good), training him to take his naps and follow his routine at my mum's place (so far so good).... Things are moving along as planned.. BUT, I do feel stressed about the whole thing. Seriously............ But for now, seems like I just need to give it a shot. Partly because I don't feel it's time to leave my boss in the lurch yet... well....we shall see... Good thing is, they know that it's probably going to be a temporary thing or are at least prepared for the eventuality that I will be gone.... cos at some point, I will most likely drop it altogether. Pls pray that I will not go crazy and will be able to manage everything by His grace for as long as I need to manage everything on my plate.

In the meantime, I am really really learning to rely on the Lord every moment of my day. Praying to the Lord always has become something inevitable I guess..The hymn, "I need Thee every hour" has also become one of my favourites because that's so so applicable to me.

I need the Lord to help me not raise my voice at the kids or lose my patience when they drive me nuts.

I need the Lord to give me strength to manage the never-ending and repetitive house chores over and above everything else.

I need the Lord to give me joy in the midst of the craziness everyday.

I need the Lord to heal me when I feel sick or on the verge of falling sick (sometimes, I feel that mommies can NEVER fall ill).

I need the Lord to take away my worries about the future work arrangement and to grant me the courage to just take things a step at a time as He leads me.

I need the Lord to give me the peace and confidence every night to know that His mercies for me tomorrow will be brand new.

I need Thee every hour.

Almost there :)

2011-04-13T22:03:00.003+08:00

Joshua's at his 11th week,

Routine's more or less there and sleep training's more or less there too. For the past 2 days, he has been taking longer naps... still some crying and whimpering during the naps, but it's more for settling to sleep at the start of sleep cycles. I think he has more or less learnt how to get back to sleep after exiting from one sleep cycle :), hoping he will just get better at it.

Slept through for the first time last night. Last feed at 1130pm, first feed this morning at 710am. There was some crying and whimpering at 530am which lasted for slightly more than half and hour, but I sort of knew that he was not crying for milk. He did eventually settle back to sleep I believe and woke up in the morning for his usual first feed.

Now I am hoping he is really going to consistently sleep through the night, cos I have been feeling so tired this week. I think I have reached my limit for lack of continuous sleep at night. I feel like zombie every morning and I can hardly play with Candra. It does not help that there usually isn't time for me to take a proper nap in the morning. Oh...I really hope he is sleeping through already. Since he did not make it at the usual 7-9weeks like his sister, I am really hoping he makes it between 10-12weeks.

Feels like all the hard work's just worth it. He is playing much better now during his waketime. Less fussiness cos he is well-rested from the naps and less crying throughout the day in general. He is starting to smile quite a bit and he makes cooing sounds :p I have been waiting so long for this day....... this boy's training process was really tough I must say.

His routine now looks like this:

715am - feeding then waketime

815am - nap 1

1050am -feeding then waketime

12pm - nap 2

245pm - feeding then waketime

350pm - nap 3

6pm - feeding then waketime

715pm - nap 4

8pm - waketime

9pm - feeding and bedtime

1130pm - dreamfeed

Summary of little J's progress with sleep training for naps

2011-04-09T14:06:00.002+08:00

Weeks 5 - 8:

Joshua: Hard persistent cries... "Mummy, I don't want to sleep!" or "Mummy, I don't know how to sleep by myself!" or "Mummy, please carry me to sleep".....

Dad/Mum: Go into his room on and off, pick him up to help him burp, then put him back until the next feeding time. Sometime in week 8, we realised it was not a good idea to go in too much because he would cry even louder, decided to lengthen the intervals and sometimes not go in at all.

Week 9:

Joshua: Sleeps 20/30/45mins (one sleep cycle) by himself and hard persistent cries after waking up... "Mummy, I have slept on my own and woken up, come pick me out of the baby cot, nap time is OVER!"

Dad/Mum: After he awakes, continue to leave him in the cot and only pick him up occasionally until the next feeding time. "No, no, nap time is not over :("

Week 10:

Joshua: Sleeps 20/30/45mins (one sleep cycle) and little hard crying thereafter, just long whimpers and whines while attempting to sleep some more but not often successful. "Mummy, I slept on my own and I have woken up, I am trying to get back to sleep again but it's hard :("

Dad/Mum: After he awakes, continue to let him try learning to go back to sleep another cycle or 2, sometimes he fails and whimpers till the next feed, sometimes he succeeds in sleeping somemore.

It's been a tough journey.. but as we look back and now analyse our boy's progress, we are thankful that he has been learning and till now, still making progress. We are now waiting for the final phase of the training to be completed i.e. when he succeeds in getting himself back to sleep after one sleep cycle for all naps. Though he gets the idea bit by bit, we are grateful for whatever progress he has made. While going through Joshua's training, I have come to realise how difficult it is for children to learn to take longer naps.

I love this promise from God in Isaiah 54:13:

¹³ All your children will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be their peace.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

2011-04-07T21:52:00.002+08:00

This week, Joshua seems a little more stable... naps are improving I think. At least now there is much less hard crying from him (just whines) and he does try to take longer naps. Hoping he just gets better at it. I think he is getting the idea of long naps (i.e. that there is no point crying in the baby cot and that he should just try to sleep). I am looking forward to even more stability from him, which would help him sleep through the night sooner I believe.

Although he is my second child, I still find myself rather green at this whole establishing the routine thinggie. Guess what makes it more difficult is that both my children take a longer time to stabilise as a result of their longer sleep training period and initial poor napping habits. Whatever the case, I am glad we are still persevering.. past 2 nights, he managed to just take one feed in the middle of the night...hoping it will stay this way until that feed disappears.

God taught me an important lesson as a parent. Be patient, persevere and surrender all expectations to God. I came to realise that my anxieties earlier on were largely caused by my own expectations as to when things should fall into place. Maybe because Candra's routine and sleeping through happened earlier, so I was sort of expecting things to be the same if not easier. The process turned out to be more difficult and longer this time round. The fears of chaos, hard crying in the day and fatigue caused me to keep expecting and hoping for quick results. When I finally decided to just accept that Joshua would take a longer time and yield ALL expectations to God, the anxieties and fears more or less went away. I just told myself, "persevere no matter how long the training would take, someday he would eventually learn. Accept the temporary chaos and fatigue."

I am thankful for the change of perspective. Though I am still getting interrupted sleep at night and his daytime naps and routine are not all perfect, I am feeling better than before by being less stubborn.

God's been teaching me so much about patience and hoping in Him through life's circumstances lately.

The daily devotions with Candra (using her kid's devotional) helps tremendously. Now, I will try to memorise the verse everyday to take my mind off negative thinking and I must say that the verses have helped me through each day. It's easy for a parent to think that the kid's devotion time is for the child...I have come to make those precious devotions with her my own too.. and I really do learn quite a bit, though the truths are taught in a very simple manner.

I have been trying to distract myself with other things too to help myself move away from depression. We have been inviting people over to our place quite a bit.. usually after 9pm when kids have gone to bed. I have come to realise that I do need to expend some energies elsewhere in order to be happy. :) I don't quite like the idea of just focusing on the kids, their routine, training etc on a daily basis.... drives me crazy quite easily.. haha

Well, God has been good... as always.. I know that.. and He will definitely see me through no matter how tough things might seem at the moment. :)

Waiting, persevering, and hoping...

2011-03-31T21:18:00.002+08:00

Hai.. Joshua's naps are still not regular. Well, I must say that there has been some improvement. At least he does not cry throughout his naps now... he would most of the time sleep at least 1 cycle.. for some, he will fall back to sleep after some crying, the rest, he would just keep crying till feeding time. I am still waiting for him to learn to fall back to sleep because this boy needs his long naps. He has been cranky for almost all of his waketimes because of the poor napping. He is unlike his sister who was able to keep herself super alert despite the lack of sleep. This boy has hardly been playing.

This is his pattern now. On a day when he is more alert, he will not nap well, waketimes will be bad because of the poor napping, the next day will be a day with a lot of sleeping (sometimes too much) because he has to make up for the lost sleep the day before, waketimes are also bad and cranky because he does not want to play much. So basically, Joshua's still a very cranky baby. I am persevering and waiting for the day he starts to nap well and fall into some regular routine. There was one day when he did that, and he was quite an angel and could play better. So yup, good naps are SUPER SUPER important. Praying the regular long naps will fall into place soon.. I will wait...he has been learning...as I can see that from the improvement from no nap to at least 1 cycle.

He hasn't slept through the first 7-8 hours yet.. I was hoping for that actually.. especially since his sister did that at about 7 weeks and according to Babywise 7-9 weeks is the usual. But it's ok, I figured some kids really do take longer to sleep through.. furthermore, I just realised, after analysing the situation with hubby yesterday that I might have made a mistake in the arrangement of his feeds in the evening... Making last minute adjustments now, hoping that would help him pick up the skill sooner..a little late.. but I am trying to take it easy.

This boy's personality plus his biological makeup does make his training tougher. I have been learning to be patient.. patient with him as I persevere in the routine and sleep training. He may take a longer time to learn because his resistance seems rather strong, but I am still hoping and praying for things to fall into place. For this boy, haphazardness or letting him take the lead on his cycles is definitely a bad idea.. I can imagine how terrible and tiring that would be for me and it would not benefit the whole family.

I would say that God's been teaching me an important lesson on patience through this boy. Patience with him even though he is perpetually fussy and is always doing the right thing at the wrong time (sleeping when it's waketime, waking when it's sleeptime etc.)...I have come to realise how limited I am... Lacking in love.. lacking in patience...So many times, I find myself confessing to the Lord that I am such a horrible mummy and asking Him to increase my capacity to love and accept the fussiness. It's not easy to be gentle always in face of a constantly fussy baby.

Each child tests us in a different way. Though it's been really tiring and draining...I know I must not give up learning together with Joshua, for he is God's gift to me. No matter how difficult the journey is, unconditional love and acceptance is the way.

I can only lean on God.........for without Him, I wouldn't know how to cope with everything.

Hubby's 2 weeks leave is ending soon... :(, it's been wonderful having him around. He took leave at just the right time, I was at my end really and needed a break. Starting from next week, I will be on my own with the 2 kiddos again... A little frightening for me at times.. but well, I just got to be strong.

When will we see the light at the end of the tunnel?

2011-03-25T09:29:00.003+08:00

We are waiting.. waiting for the day Joshua decides to give up altogether and just follow the routine we have set out for him.

It's been such a tough journey.. a battle of wills everyday, our will against his. As a mother, I feel so drained struggling to train him because I got to withstand his cries, protests and whines. Been having terrible tension headaches from the lack of sleep, stress, depression etc...But thankfully, my condition started to improve after I started memorising scripture on hubby's prompting. Nothing could cure my headaches, the Word of the Lord did that immediately. That's the power of His Word.

Day after day, I keep crying to the Lord, "When will we see the light at the end of the tunnel?" This journey has called for a great deal of perseverance...Joshua's tough training started at around week 5 and 6, it's already week 8 now and we are moving into week 9... how I wish the whole process will be over soon.. but the boy got to decide to give up.

His ability to do his nights well just prove to us that he is capable of doing his daytime naps well. In fact, he does do well at certain naps, when he DECIDES to sleep on his own and alone. Same problem we had we Candra, they are capable of doing what we want them to do but they will only do that when they DECIDE to do it. The key is, they got to DECIDE to do it. When they don't want to, they will just cry and demand for attention and do that persistently.... hai... KIDS... that's what they are really good at huh, testing limits and pushing boundaries... :)

Honestly, after going through the fire for Candra's training, I thought No. 2 will definitely be easier, but now, I think what I went through for No. 1 only served as preparation for No. 2 because No. 2's seemingly tougher. :( I certainly hope No. 3 (if we do go on to have No. 3 that is) will be easier.....such times force me to cry out to the Lord for mercy. I did ask myself, "Why not give up training since it's so tough?"..but I know I have no alternative. No training for me means more fatigue and chaos at home... which = to more stress. Either way is stressful, training is stressful...but no training will even be more stressful in the long run. Of course, I am assuming Joshua will learn and surrender someday.

O, I wish Joshua learns soon and just give up completely.......on that day, peace will be restored to our home... I think he has been crying at least a total of 4 hours a day, naptime plus waketime.

I am thankful Candra's been patient and loving towards him still. Although there are times when she snaps too because of her brother's fussiness (which I think is understandable given that we snap at times too), she snaps a lot lesser than I do definitely. In that sense, I am learning from her, a little child.

I am so humbled when I look at my ugly self... I snap so easily when I am under stress... I feel like I am such a terrible mummy.. short-tempered and impatient... my poor kids suffer when I can't get a proper grip on myself. Sigh....

O Lord, have mercy on us... help us see the light at the end of the tunnel...in Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Training for Little J and mummy

2011-03-21T09:20:00.002+08:00

Oh.... the training for Little J's getting really tough. Reminds me of the days when we were training Candra.

Initially I thought little J's going to be easier because he was pretty good in the first month. Slept well, cried only 15 to 20 mins before going off to sleep on his own. BUT, things started to change at about week 5... started to cry during naps and as the weeks progressed, the crying increased. On a worst day, he could cry throughout 3 out of 4 naps (final nap he will knock out because he is just too tired). For a long time, I was trying to figure out what was the cause of it, too cold, too hot, gas etc? Gave him aircon, music, etc......BUT, nothing worked... finally, we analysed and figured out the root cause. This boy wants to be carried and accompanied during naps.

Little J wants to be carried ALL the time... both during waketime and naptime.. thankfully, he is amazing good at night, sleeps by himself and does not disturb anyone. It's been tiring and draining because he fusses whenever we put him down during daytime. But we know he needs to learn and so we are trying to get used to his fussing. This boy does not enjoy being put on the bouncer or the rocker. He also does not enjoy watching his mobiles or any toys for that matter..... :( He just wants to be carried all the time. Oh my...

We have been insisting on the training, it's been 2plus weeks now.. this boy's been very persistent though... persistent in crying for attention during naps. I've been feeling really drained by the whole process, but I know I have no alternative but to go through the training process. If we give up, we will have to carry him all the time and it won't be good for our family in the long run, especially if we are looking to having some more children. As it is, his sister's been feeling a little neglected because of the attention we have been giving to him. Oh... I wish he will learn it soon. His sister took weeks too.........:(, we are praying really hard for him.

I am so thankful hubby's on leave these 2 weeks starting from today. God knows I need help at home and I need some relief from the stress and fatigue. Without someone else at home, I can't handle both of them, given little J cries so much.

The routine and sleep training for Candra challenged me tremendously. Thankfully we saw and enjoyed the fruits of our labour eventually. Now we are praying hard that God will grant us the same success with this difficult little J, for the good of him as well as the whole family. It takes so much patience and perseverance on my part... to wait for the day he will learn and finally give up. Training's tougher on the parents I think. For both Candra and Joshua, I experience the intense battle of wills during the training process.

My prayer in the training process is that God will cause him to give up at some points so he will still get some sleep. When he does not sleep at all, his feeding and waketimes get affected as well and it just becomes a terrible vicious cycle.

I am feeling so drained now... with occasional headaches attacking cos of the stress I believe... I am so so glad hubby's going to be home much more... so that I can rest. That's a grace from God I believe.

Isaiah 58:11

2011-03-17T22:03:00.002+08:00

It's been a pretty tough week because I have been struggling with mild depression. Stressed from Joshua's training for routine and sleep (i.e. his naps) and also decisions which I have to make about what's going to happen after maternity leave is over. Was feeling very overwhelmed yesterday especially and just felt like crying off and on. I had no mood to play with Candra and it did not help that both kids were more whiny. I felt horrible and that I was a really bad mummy.

Last night, I took some time to be quiet before the Lord and told Him that I really needed to be refreshed in my spirit. I decided not to start journalling and to go to His Word first because sometimes, journalling can be such a self-centred exercise and I just get more absorbed into my negative thoughts. I felt like I was coming to my end, so helpless and depressed about all the overwhelming stressors and negative thoughts. I cried out to Him with a simple prayer, "Lord, please speak to my heart tonight."

Thankfully, God spoke clearly when I turned to His Word and gave me a specific word from Isaiah 58:11, a verse which I had never paid much attention to but spoke right into my heart last night.

"The Lord will guide you always, He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."

This verse was so apt. I was comforted by God who assured me that He would guide me in all that I have been doing for Joshua. Now that Joshua's more alert in the daytime, his training has gotten rather challenging (somewhat like what I had to go through for Candra). Guess he was really easy in the first month because of their natural drowsiness as newborns, now, it's really time for him to learn. I have been anxious about everything, be it his feeding, training for routine, sleep training, sleeping through the night etc.... super worried and fearful that I might have been doing some things wrongly etc. But God assured me last night that He is guiding me and I need not fear or worry.

God also assured me that I need not fear or worry about the major decisions which I need to make about plans after maternity leave. I am thankful for understanding employers who have been showing me great support all these while. They are always prepared to explore flexible arrangements with me and they fully understand that the interests of my family is my priority. That's something I really appreciate. I have already informed them that I may need to be home full-time. God has assured me that I need not worry and He will guide me as I explore possibilities with them, whether or not doors will be opened is entirely in His hands.

Apart from assuring me of His guidance, God promised to satisfy my needs. Honestly, I have been feeling rather dry spiritually and all the changes which He brought into my life over the past 5 months have been so challenging. It was comforting to know that God wants to satisfy me completely. And as the verse mentions, I yearn to be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. I yearn for that vibrant and abundant life in God, filled with love, joy, peace and hope. It's been a while since I felt that energy and strength from within.

Since end November last year, God's been stretching me tremendously. Though my soul still feels weary and I am in the process of recovery, I am so glad He spoke last night. Nothing beats hearing from the Lord so personally. His Word refreshed me and gave me strength to face this new day. And yes, I am once again reminded not to lean on my own strength and understanding, but entirely on Him.

The Lord is my Great Shepherd.

Day 4 on my own with the 2 kiddos :)

2011-03-03T22:21:00.003+08:00

Since Monday this week, it's just been myself and the 2 kids. For the first time, I am a stay at home mummy :p (previously, I had a helper)...

By God's grace, I have been feeling pretty fine with the whole staying at home thing :) The children's routine help tremendously. When Candra was first trained for her routine and sleep when she was an infant, we appreciated the results.. now with 2 kids, I appreciate the importance of routine and sleep training even more. There is more order to my day and the independence of the children when it comes to their sleep makes life a lot easier. I am glad Joshua's daily routine is more or less fixed, so I can plan my day around that. Chaos is largely minimised I must say and there's a lot more predictability. I can plan when to rest, when to cook etc.

Candra's been a good sister, she loves her brothers, hugs him, kisses him, squeezes him.. :) She's always looking forward to his waketime (which is still rather minimal at this stage), sometimes, she will want to disturb him while he is asleep... think she's just too excited about her little brother. We thank God for hearing our prayers for Candra when Joshua was in my tummy. We prayed that she would love him, and would grow up to be a good elder sister....so far, God has shown us that He has answered our prayers for her.

All in all, I am very grateful to God for hearing my cries for help and grace...I was initially very apprehensive about staying at home full-time with the kids without any help (cos I had never done that before). I find myself needing to pray every morning for the Lord to bring me through the day with joy and gladness. Indeed, God's mercies are new every morning. By His grace, I have gladly survived 4 days.

Just this afternoon, I sensed myself losing steam a little and the gladness in my heart... plus hubby's going to be away in the evening, so it's just myself with the 2 kids. I felt rather down and fearful because the evening is usually Joshua's super fussy time, coping with 2 kids in the evening by myself can be potentially challenging. I prayed.. and asked the Lord for strength. When the evening came, I told the 2 kids, "This evening, only mummy's around to take care of the both of you ok, so be good please so mummy won't have too tough a time." Amazingly, the both of them were very good. Joshua was fussy but much better than the previous few evenings.. the evening turned out much better than I had expected. After I put them both to bed, I felt so relieved and I just knew that God was merciful to me once again. He was certainly the one who caused the 2 kids to be cooperative.

The journey of motherhood is exciting, but it also challenges me to be more prayerful and dependent on God. To be a joyful and contented mummy everyday is my goal, but I can also do so with God's grace and strength.

Now, I am hoping for continued joy and gladness daily in the days and weeks and months to come :)

Thanksgiving :)

2011-02-17T21:30:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I blogged.

Hubby's not home yet from part-time studies.. I just got home from mum's place (scoot out of my house during confinement and spent a day there)... managed to put both the big and the small one to bed by 9pm...phew.. and now I finally have some personal time.. so I decided to blog.

I am now at week 3 of confinement. Time flies.. it's been tiring.. but rather enjoyable so far. Our family really experienced God prior to the delivery of Joshua and throughout the delivery process. I hope to blog about our amazing experience of God's providence someday. But for this entry, I thought I would like to spend some time giving thanks for what's been happening during confinement so far.

I am thankful that:

1. Hubby was at home for the first week with me;

2. MIL has been coming by on weekdays faithfully to help me out;

3. My 2 sisters have been taking turns to help me out in the mornings before MIL arrives;

4. My 2 sisters have been taking Candra out to the park, the swimming pool at times so that I can rest more;

5. My mother, despite her busyness at work, tries to ensure that I am well-fed and well taken care of;

6. Joshua's a super good and efficient feeder since day 1, no problems with latching on, super short and efficient feeds (done with each feed in 15 to 20 minutes since day 4);

7. Joshua fell into a good 2.5 hours to 3 hours routine even before week 2;

8. Joshua's routine and sleep training's started to stabilise and take shape yesterday, which is rather early for a newborn I think;

9. Candra's been a good sister and she has been learning to sacrifice some of her wants/needs for the sake of her little brother.

Joshua's super different from Candra. Candra was a sleep fighter and so her training for routine and sleep was really tedious. As for Joshua, he sleeps really well (too well at times though) and now as he settles into his 3 hour routine everyday, I have noticed, since yesterday, that he drops off to sleep on his own after about 5 to 10 minutes of crying for naps and bedtime. Wakes up for nightfeeds after about 4 hour intervals every night. All in all, I feel that Joshua's really a much much easier baby. Maybe it's because he is considered a big newborn..more matured.

Started to train Joshua using Babywise from day 1. I have come to realise that Candra was really a rather abnormal newborn.. haha :p Her sleep fighting and daytime alertness since week 1 really made her quite a unique infant. Joshua in comparison behaves like a super normal newborn. Well, no matter what, I appreciate them both and I appreciate the whole Babywise training and routine.

Hopefully after confinement month is over, I will get a better hang of things, set a good routine for both the kids and manage better.. for now... everyone says I should just rest more. :)

Now I am looking forward to Joshua becoming more alert in the day so that he can start to "play" :)!!!

I feel so blessed to be a mother of 2 now... and I have been telling hubby, "Can you imagine! We are now a family of 4! That feels so different!"

An important lesson on prayer

2011-01-20T22:02:00.002+08:00

Recently, our little girl taught me an important lesson prayer.

One night, just before her bedtime, it was time for milk. As usual, she had to pray before having her milk. After we prayed the usual thanksgiving prayer, I was expecting her to start drinking. But, instead of drinking, she started naming the people she would like to pray for. (She usually indicates this by putting her hands together and giving a name/title of the person)...

So well.. she started with "gong1 (my dad)", then "po2 (my mum)", then "pop2 (my aunt)", then "ahyi (my sis)", then "didi (her little bro)", the "mama" and so on..... Wow, with every person she named, she wanted one prayer said.. well, initially, I did as she requested, but as I realised the list went longer and longer.. I started getting a little impatient. I was thinking, "Girl, it's time for bed, you are late for bedtime...." I think I actually did try to rush her a little...but for a moment, I was reminded by the Holy Spirit that I should not be impatient at all.

As a parent, I should be teaching her to pray unceasingly... even if the prayers affect her bedtime... even if it means spending another 10, 15 minutes... I should never ever attempt to stop her from praying or even give her any notion that prayers should stop at some point.

Oh my, I felt so guilty when I displayed my impatience.. So eventually, I went on and on with her... for a while.. .that did not take too long really, but I learnt such a precious lesson and was truly humbled.

I was reminded of this verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

Do we pray continually? Are we always tempted to place a time limit on the time spent on prayer?

A side point, this little girl is rather interesting. She has this principle at home, when Papa is at home, he MUST always pray with her during her meals and when she has her milk (sometimes this principle also extends to her bedtime). It's such a huge principle that there were times when I tried to flout the rule by taking over that role out of convenience, and she will insist by calling loudly, "PAPA"... haha :) Basically, wherever papa is, he must drop all that he is doing and take the time to say the prayer... interesting huh :) We find that so intriguing.

Updates on Didi and Jie jie :)

2011-01-20T21:49:00.002+08:00

Went to see gynae again today.. the appointments are closer now because THE DAY is drawing near. Well no signs of him coming yet, but well, scanned and estimated his current weight at 3.5kg. Dr. said he will probably break his Jiejie's birthweight record of 3.7kg. "Oh Lord, please have mercy on me and aid me in delivering didi naturally!"

We are grateful that he is growing well. Now, his Jiejie has gotten rather particular about whether didi prays together with us. Whenever it's time for prayer, she will speak with a commanding voice, "DIDI!"...like she's telling him, "didi, it's time to pray ok!"

Putting aside my anxieties about the labour process and how we will cope with his arrival, I think all of us are excited about him. Afterall, he is yet another unique masterpiece of God :) Now, we hope his jiejie will adjust well.. I think we have done whatever we could to prepare her. This girl's really funny, when we returned from church camp, she started using the souvenir torchlight to rub against my tummy every now and then. The first time she did it, I did not quite get what she was doing until she looked at me and said, "didi!"..haha then I realised, she was trying to imitate my gynae doing the regular scan. haha :p

Recently, she will every now and then point to herself and say "Jiejie" :) So sweet.. Well, we shall take things a step at a time and trust that God will just cause all of us to grow.

I have heard that the test of partnership between a married couple can be the toughest when No. 2 comes along. With No. 1, usually mummy's the most involved, but with No. 2, daddy gotta start helping out a lot more. And most ppl say, with No. 3 and on, it's easier.. hmm.... looks like we are in for a challenging season....Please pray for us.

Candra at 20.5 months

2011-01-14T11:42:00.002+08:00

Over the past few days, my little girl has been humming the melody of the alphabet song... the whole song, to our surprise! And I must say that she sounds very much in tune :) The 2 other songs which she love are "Twinkle, twinkle" and "Ni2 wa1 wa1". :) For "Twinkle, twinkle", she will sing the last word of every line and for "Ni2 wa1 wa1" she will sing the words which she knows, like wa1 wa1, papa, mama etc. :) Picking up songs really quickly I must say. I am now waiting to hear her hum another familiar melody!

Wow.. she's asserting herself a lot more now and so obedience training's getting tougher I must say. Because she can now express her wants much more than before, we got to guide her a lot more. Now I understand why some tell me that it gets tougher... it really does cos she wants to make her own decisions and wants her own way at times. Just yesterday, she challenged my instruction to put her shoes on the shoe rack and took quite a while before she finally decided to obey. Challenging limits... as usual...

Recently, she's been starting to give me problems with her teeth-brushing at night. She was at that habit for quite a while until she decided to give us problems recently. She just refuses to brush.. but in the morning, she's quite fine. Weird! We are wondering how we should go about resolving that... "Oh Lord, PLEASE HELP US!".

I guess as they grow older, they start to learn how to whine as well. Whining is a no-no in our home. So yup, that's another thing we've been trying to teach her. No whining, as a form of communication.

Ah.. Potty training is another headache for me. This girl knows exactly what the potty is for, given that she's so intelligent and has always displayed such amazing understanding of what goes on around her.. but she simply REFUSES to go to the potty. If she does ever poop in the potty cos I bring her there by force, she will immediately stand up and direct me to use the newspapers to clear her waste away! ARGH!!!! That's all she does with respect to the potty, tell mummy to use the newspapers to clean up. Sigh.. when will she ever learn and when can we stop wasting diapers? "Oh Lord, PLEASE HELP US!"

Well, putting aside the difficulties we have been facing with her growing up.. she's been the same adorable and sweet girl. She can express that it is God whom we pray to, it is God who blesses us with everything, it is God whom we worship in church every week, it is God who instructs her to obey papa and mama etc. She's learning so much everyday.. :) N we trust that she's been growing spiritually, that's what matters the most to us.

This girl's really funny.. recently, she will take special note of how we address each other in the family. For eg, I call my elder sis, "jie jie", and she will do the same instead of calling her "ah ya"!! I call my dad, "papa" and she will do the same... cheekily though cos she knows she's not supposed to. :) She will purposely say things she's not supposed to just to get everyone laughing! SUPER CUTE!

On my end, it's been quite tiring and draining at times because I am about to deliver soon.. and it doesn't help that this little girl's becoming exceptionally clingy...(cos she knows didi's coming probably). Sometimes, I lose my patience towards her and I feel really bad about that. As a human being, it's so difficult to shower unconditional love all the time... we are just so weak. Guess I can only keep turning to God to ask for forgiveness and strength to love in the midst of all the difficulties... especially with No. 2 coming along. Now I really admire those parents with more than 1 kid.... God stretches our capacity to love so much when we have children.

Persevere..getting there...

2011-01-11T21:22:00.002+08:00

The last few weeks of pregnancy is usually the toughest for me....

Not so much because I am experiencing any symptoms..but because of the increasing weight of everything in my tummy.

Just feel like relieving the heavy weight as soon as possible.. and I am now waiting for the day when I can sleep on my tummy.

Persevere mummy!!!!!

My boy is a rather responsive kiddo... when I call him "didi", he will move... when I want him to rest at night and stop moving cos I want to get some sleep, he will usually stop immediately... quite a cooperative boy I must say! :) He moves a lot at the sound of music..and when there are lots of human voices around. He seems to know exactly where the activity is. :) He responds too when I sing and read. It's really amazing........I love this interaction that happens at this stage of pregnancy.. but still, I am hoping to see my boy soon, to nurse him, to get to know him...

Another unique human being, woven in my womb by God our maker. I wonder what is his personality like.. and of course, I am always wondering who he looks like. :) And I am looking forward to seeing the interaction between him and his jie jie Candra who already regards him as so much a part of our family in daily living. Candra will never miss out on "didi" when she names the people in our family and she loves to pray for him. :) I think didi already knows his jie jie who kisses and hugs him so often... maybe he already loves her tremendously. hee!

Anyhows, PERSEVERE MUMMY!

Blessed by an angel

2011-01-05T13:59:00.002+08:00

Was feeling troubled by life's circumstances again this morning...

To cut the long story short, our family is still going through a season of great uncertainty in light of some things that happened.

It's been a long time since I last faced such great uncertainty... not knowing where we are to head as a family, not knowing what kind of major decisions or changes we are to make (if any). And God seems to be silent still... for now.

Thankfully, God sent an angel to encourage me this morning.. a dear sister who lent me her ears and who understood everything that I said. Sometimes, it's difficult to find someone who can understand fully why you think or feel or certain way. She certainly made me feel that I finally found someone who could understand better why I am handling the current situation in this manner.

Though many questions are still left unanswered and the conversation did not resolve the uncertainties which I am faced with at present, I guess I am encouraged to continue hanging in there until God chooses to make everything clear to me.

The challenge now is to keep trusting God day by day even though the road ahead seems uncertain.

Now, another challenge I am about to face is this, my boy is about 3.3kg now apparently...and I AM ONLY AT 35 weeks!!!! I really hope to have natural birth, like I did with Candra... and this weight issue may pose as a challenge. The good thing is, I don't have to worry about my boy being too tiny..the flip side of it is, the natural delivery part may be slightly challenged. Doc said that the possibility of inducing is always there depending on his weight... just like Candra had to be induced after being overdue for 6 days because she was also getting really big. Doc already said this boy definitely can't wait till after EDD, cos he would probably be too huge by then for natural birth.

Argh!!!.... it may be too late now to control my diet.. but oh well.. I will still try and do all that I can..........

Can't wait to see my boy actually :)

Candra the "Handibabe"

2010-12-17T22:24:00.002+08:00

An answer that sent us flipping :p

2010-12-10T21:44:00.003+08:00

A few days back, hubby asked Candra this question:

"Candra, who is at the centre of our family?"

Without hesitation, Candra, using her finger, pointed to her nose and said: "YANYAN! (that's her name in Chinese)"

Well, both of us flipped at what we heard!!!!!!!! We weren't expecting an answer actually because we thought she probably would not understand the question and usually, when she did not understand, she would just keep quiet and give us a puzzled look. Actually, hubby did not intend to receive an answer too but was just hoping to teach her about an important truth.

To our surprise, she gave such a self-centred answer.. hahahaha! And really, when she answered, it was without hesitation and with great confidence. Can you believe it?

Well, we had to correct her immediately of course... :) and we taught her that God is at the centre of our family.

Now, whenever we ask her the same question, she would say: "God" but pronounced as a very short "GOG" haha!

Little girl of prayer

2010-11-23T21:06:00.002+08:00

Candra's been into 'praying' recently. :P

She often requests that I pray for her papa and didi especially.

She communicates her request by signing the word "pray", followed by saying either "papa" or "didi".

She's just such a sweet darling... though I do feel jealous that she prays for papa and didi more than for mama haha!

She's been such a reminder to me of the importance of prayer.

Yes.. we should be praying continually... talking to God about everything.. nothing is too small in His eyes.

And I just want to thank God for answering my prayer just now.... my prayer that Candra would let me brush her little teeth properly :)

Day 5 without helper :)

2010-11-23T21:02:00.003+08:00

My domestic helper returned to her hometown for a week last friday.. :)

Just before she left, I was a little anxious.. wondering whether I would be able to cope on my own.

Thankfully, I have been enjoying myself quite a bit. Of course, I am grateful for all the help that's coming from my elder sis who's taking some leave from work to babysit Candra while I go back to office for some half days... and today, I had the help of my mother-in-law.

The cooking, washing, cleaning etc. can be tough at times because of my big tummy.. but I do find myself enjoying that, surprisingly.. haha.. :) And of course, hubby has been a great help!

Well...I am not too sure when the decision to stay at home will be made.. but I guess it will happen at some point.. :) And I am glad the experience these few days has been rather positive.....haha!

My beautiful girl

2010-11-18T20:54:00.003+08:00

Candra's a sweet little darling :) I want to blog about her at this phase of her life before she moves on to yet another phase.

She's learnt gratefulness in that she signs "Thank you" voluntarily now :) In the past, we had to prompt her all the time, as part of the training process... nowadays, we find her signing that to people voluntarily. That's so encouraging, we feel.

Apart from her "Thank you"s, Candra has also learnt the concept of "Sharing". We taught her how to sign share and started out teaching her to share her food, toys etc. with others. These days, when we talk to her about her little brother who is arriving soon, she will sign "Share" and point to my tummy.. cos we have been telling her that she will need to share her food and toys with him :) But of course, she's learnt the concept so well that when she sees us with food, she will point to us and sign "Share" too..hehehe... And more often than not, we will feel obligated to share some with her to set some good example. :P

I love those times when she just voluntarily hugs my tummy and kisses her baby brother. Sometimes, she does that first thing in the morning when I pick her up from her baby cot (before even calling me or saying hi to me)...Oh, what a lovely sister. She's learnt that 'didi' is a baby..so she points to my tummy whenever she sees a little baby. Sometimes, when she's eating or drinking her milk, she would offer her food/milk to my tummy, for her little brother.... and I got to pretend to feed him too :P We hope she will really grow to love her brother when he arrives...

Although she's also been asserting herself and expressing anger more lately... guess that's part of the discovery of self....we still enjoy her tremendously and are ever so encouraged that she's kind at heart.

During dinner just now, she decided to play the "Praying game" I think :p It first started out with me saying, "Candra, let's pray for daddy who is having his Greek exam". After the 1st prayer, she just kept prompting me to do it again and again and again. I think we ended up praying for daddy about 5 to 6 times. After that, she decided to pray for her little brother instead. And again, we prayed for him maybe 3 to 4 times cos she just kept wanting to do that. The amazing thing was, I felt 'didi' kick inside me when we prayed for him. :) Though that to Candra might have been a small game, deep in my heart, I prayed that she will grow to love praying to God... praying all the time...many many times, for many many people :p.

I love to see how God's forming character in her.. even at such a young age and it's my prayer that she will grow up to become a young lady with a beautiful heart.

The miracle involving 2 labrador retrievers :)

2010-11-05T21:57:00.003+08:00

We experienced a miracle from God and we thought we should this testimony. It's a story about 2 lost labrador retrievers :)

Last friday, my sister (who is a super big dog lover by the way) found 2 labrador retrievers around their estate.. basically, they were somewhat lost.

Well, my sis, being a dog lover couldn't have left them unattended so she brought them home, to join our other dog Farnia!

We prayed to God to help us locate their owners. My sis tried to contact the SPCA and AVA, put up posters around the estate, go around asking neighbours whether they had seen the dogs etc... but to no avail.

Then I told my sis, "Jie, I have got a huge feeling that these dogs come from pretty far away, that's why there hasn't been any activity from their owners in our estate."

Traits of the 2 dogs:

1. Super cute

2. Super friendly

3. Look like brothers cos they took really good care of each other, taking turns to have their food and drinks, moving around everywhere together

4. Can't separate them (sis brought one out to find their owners and the other one FREAKED OUT!)

5. One's slightly bigger than the other and darker coloured than the other

6. Wore chains and not collars

Well...Till Sunday, we had no news whatsoever. We were contemplating putting up the dogs for adoption at some point (which would mean separating them probably), or keeping them at home permanently.

One monday morning, while Candra and I were having her usual devotion time, the topic was on prayers and her learning lesson was that God hears and answers prayers. So well, we prayed again, "God, please help the doggies find them papa and mama!"

GUESS WHAT! On monday afternoon, my sis called and said, "WE FOUND THE OWNERS!"

And I was wondering how.... you know how?

My sis decided on sunday night to put up on her facebook that she found 2 labradors... amazingly, an acquaintance who had my sis on her facebook replied and said that she had a friend who just recently posted that she lost her 2 labradors!!!!!BINGO! So that's how my sis managed to get in touch with the owners.

Checked with them the traits of the dogs.. and yup, all matched.. especially the part where they said, "they are brothers who grew up together and cannot be separated at all cost!"

And well.. I was right, they came from far away! HOLLAND ROAD.. travelled all the way to Farrer and then to Coronation.... that's how they got lost.

I was like "WOW! GOD IS AMAZING!"

First of all, He answered our prayers.. secondly, it just shows that He cares for the doggies and had everything planned out when He knew they were going to get lost.

If the dogs weren't found by my sister, they may not find their original home cos the link with owners was established through a friend of my sis.

Basically, God knew these 2 naughty dogs were running out.. and planned that they be found by my sis, who would then locate the owners through FACEBOOK!!!!

God really cares...doesn't He?

And I shared this story with Candra to remind her that God really hears and answers our prayers :)

Very encouraged :)

2010-10-26T16:06:00.003+08:00

Since Candra was young, we tried to incorporate into her routine playtime on her own within certain boundaries. When she was still small and comfortable in the playpen, we called that "Playpen time". Basically, that's a 30mins play slot with her toys in the playpen.

At about15 months, we decided to let her upgrade to "Roomtime" for a few reasons. She was getting more mobile and walking around a lot more. She was growing bigger and taller thus making the playpen slightly more uncomfortable for her. She also needed more toys to keep her occupied within the 30mins and so we needed to give her more space. So her bedroom also became her playroom.

For a start, we used the playpen to block the room to create the boundaries. With that playpen there, she's not able to move out of the room at all. Today, I just felt prompted to move on further, to remove the playpen as a barrier and see if she could be trained to stay in the room, with doors opened. I was actually expecting quite a bit of wrestling with her... cos she's required to exercised more self-control with the removal of the barrier. She could just step out anytime if she wanted to actually.

She tried initially to test whether she could just let her little feet step out of the room...I had to repeat the same instruction about three to four times to keep her staying within the boundaries of the room. There was some struggle there on her part. After about 5 mins into her play time, she stood right at the door, looked at me sitting in the living room and cried. But of course, I had to insist that Roomtime was not over and that she had to stay in there until I said she could come out. She walked back in. To my surprise, for the rest of the time, she just stayed inside with the doors wide opened.

I thought that was quite amazing.. cos that was really beyond my expectations. Of course, I know there will be some challenging days definitely, but I am very encouraged to see my little girl growing in this manner. :)

I decided to reward her after the half an hour with a banana and her favourite Vitamin C tablet! hehe! :p

Coming up next would be potty training at some point... and then moving her from crib to bed.. :)

Toddler challenges

2010-10-14T22:50:00.002+08:00

My girl is no longer a baby...but a toddler.

Lately, her temperament hasn't been the easiest to handle. It doesn't help that I am not feeling fantastic physically as well. God's really stretching my patience and teaching me to rely on Him a lot more.

We are wondering whether it could be because she is teething, or it's just because she's growing up. Actually, I am thinking... maybe it's because she's growing to realise her independence as a person.

She wants to feed herself, drink from her cup/bottle by herself, sometimes she wants to sit on our chairs instead of her own highchair, she expresses more displeasure when we insist on keeping her routine, she also reacts a lot more to our "Nos" nowadays, sometimes she reacts by letting out a scream of frustration or she just throws the object in her hands. She's also gotten more picky when it comes to food. Yet, there are times when she is a lot more clingy and expresses greater dependency.. especially towards me. Maybe she herself is going through a confusing phase (that's what I read from a website). The confusion between her need to be independent and at the same time dependent.

Because she is now learning to assert herself more, I feel challenged to learn how to handle the balance between discipline, obedience and autonomy. It's not easy. For example, when she chooses to be picky with her food, how do I on the one hand respect her autonomy and at the same time ensure she's getting sufficient nutrition? When she's testing her limits when it comes to her routine, how do I on the one hand understand her need to be guided to choose correctly as an individual and at the same time, teach her the need to adhere to boundaries set for her.

It's really not easy.. I am thankful a sister, in her SMS to me reminded me not to be discouraged because she's just going through a new phase in growth. That set me thinking whether I am handling the situation well or making things worse as a result of my own frustrations and expectations.

I hope to find out more about how to handle toddlers in this phase well... parenting is definitely not an easy task. We can of course choose an easier way out which is to just give in to her all the time and avoid tantrums, but that's probably not a wise thing to do because we, as parents still have the responsibility to guide, instruct and train.

"O Lord, please grant me the wisdom to know how to parent her as she grows through this phase and above all, fill me with love, patience and kindness no matter how difficult the situation may be, in Jesus' name I pray, Amen~!"

Candra at 17 months :)

2010-10-06T22:19:00.003+08:00

This little girl has been feeding herself for slightly over a week :)

She does a pretty good job... doesn't really make a mess. Somehow, she knows that she needs to stay close to the plate/bowl.. and she has good control over the spoon! Honestly, I did not expect her to be able to feed herself that quickly...:) Now mealtimes are much more convenient for all of us.

She's more than glad to feed herself......why? Because she finds us too slow most of the time when we are feeding her. Now that she can feed herself, she can control how much food goes into her mouth and how quickly... being such a foodie, that's the best! :p hehe

Thankfully, uncle KS bought her Sesame Street bibs :) She doesn't usually like to wear bibs, but because of the Sesame Street babies series, from Monday to Sunday... She willingly puts them on now :) And she loves to do her version of the "elmo song" when she puts the bib on.

Candra has also just learnt to swim :) Surviving with just hand floats on her arms now... she can move around the pool unsupported by anyone! That's amazing to me.......She's not 1.5years old yet. I think we made a good decision to start her immediately on the hand floats (with some support from us of course). Actually, it all happened last saturday when my dad insisted that we stopped supporting her during her swim. Well, we tried, we let go..and there she was...enjoying herself in the pool. Now she prefers to be swimming on her own.

Auntie K once commented that this girl's like a little fish............I think so too. She has absolutely no fear of water. :)

Somewhat heavy hearted..

2010-10-04T21:11:00.002+08:00

A few pieces of news over the weekend and this morning left me feeling a little heavy hearted today.

Of course, our dear mother of Singapore passed away. It's sweet reading the stories about their long-lasting marriage... It's beautiful seeing how they walked each other through so many years of their lives...and of course..."till death do us part" now takes on a deeper meaning for me. My heart goes out to her family members..especially our dear Mr Lee.

Next, the news about the young Singaporean undergraduate at Cambridge, who died from an accident in London. Young girl, with a very bright future... just gone like that. I feel so sorry for a parents and her family members. I can imagine how devastated they must be feeling now. Being a parent now and putting myself in their shoes, I can just imagine how horrible this tragedy must be for them.

At sunday service, Rev Chua shared about a widow and two young boys who just lost their father. They are only 14 and 12 respectively. Still young... it's been traumatic for the whole family I believe. And now they are left to fend for themselves, face the financial pressures alone etc. It's saddening.. thankfully, brothers and sisters in church are giving to them in various ways... hoping this would ease their troubles slightly.

And this morning, another piece of sad news, a fellow lawyer (whom many people saw looking completely fine and well last friday) suddenly died of a heart attack over the weekend, at the age of 41, leaving a widow and three young children. It just happened so suddenly... no one expected that at all.. and now the children and his wife are left grieving over this sudden loss. I heard that his girl has been crying non-stop.

It's a season of grieving it seems.....and these pieces of sad news just caused me and many others to suddenly realise the fragility of life. None of us can predict our future. On one day, we may be enjoying all that we have in life, the next moment, we may just leave this world and our loved ones.

Every single day is to be cherished... and I have been reminded that ultimately, our hope rests in God and in eternity with Him. We should never take it for granted that our family members and friends will always be around us or that we will be around them. Never. And we should cherish every opportunity to share the truth and love of God...

Are we taking our lives for granted? Are we taking each day and moment for granted? Are we living the lives we should live? Are we so caught up in our own daily enjoyments/pains that we fail to realise that many around us have real needs and ultimately, a real need to connect with their Creator God?

How are we living really?

Live without regrets......

Life is beautiful :)

2010-09-27T12:02:00.003+08:00

Although I had a bad night in terms of sleep and I am physically feeling super tired today... my day started with lots of thanksgiving. I am thankful for a few things:

1. Hubby's coping pretty well with his part-time studies although he has got loads of homework to do. I am thankful that he has been enjoying the learning process despite the difficulties which come along with that. I try to help where I can and last night, I told him, "Why do I feel like I am going through theological training as well? :)" heehee... guess I am half a student too.

2. Candra's been maturing. She now seems to understand the concept of "work". She hardly whines now when we leave for work, instead, she can sign happily "work" when we ask her, "where is daddy and mummy going to?" And she receives us happily when we return. On weekends, she would sign "no work" or shake her head when we ask her, "Is daddy/mummy working today?" Yesterday, when she wanted me to carry her, I tried to explain to her that I would experience some discomfort when I carried her because of the weight...and after hearing my explanation, she gladly turned to daddy and asked him to carry her instead. My little girl understands.. :) Although she's been more clingy lately.. I think that's just part and parcel of facing the new reality of another baby. Whenever she points to the baby in my tummy, she would also point to our neighbours' place (3 month old boy next door :p). All these show that she's growing in her understanding of life and what goes on around her.

3. On the work front, I am still ever so grateful for the part-time arrangement. Although some stress is inevitable at times, I would say that generally the hours, workload and stress levels are still manageable. The arrangement has given me so much more time with Candra and I really appreciate that. My domestic helper and I have recently come up with Candra's new timetable so as to inject more order into our daily lives.. :) I am hoping things will work out well.

4. God recently sent me a marvellous book!!!!! I chanced upon it in my sister's cupboard last saturday because I was feeling bored and wanted to read something. Amazingly, the contents of the book just speak so well into my situation right now. I have been feeling rather bored about my Christian life and have been thinking more about evangelism and what I have been doing with the time God has given me. Through God's amazing arrangement, he led me to this book which just resonates with a lot of thoughts which have been going through my mind lately... when I started reading it, I could not stop! :) haha. I love it when God sends such books into my life. He has done that many many times... and I know He will continue to do so. Nothing beats reading a book which is so timely! (Book review on this blog should come pretty soon!)

5. Yeah! Hubby managed to get zoo passes as part of his staff benefits! So off to the zoo tomorrow with little Candra and probably some friends :) I am so looking forward to that!

All things work for our good :)

2010-09-20T21:10:00.003+08:00

Thank God!

The song presentation went pretty ok in church.

Though I really freaked out when the performance was about to start. Reminded me of all the violin performances and exams I had in the past (more than 16 years ago)...I came to realise that I really underperform under stress :)

God did another miracle for me yesterday. Right before the service started, the E string on my violin just went completely out of tune by itself... scary.......maybe it was the temperature in the room or just the violin itself... I prayed, "God, please please please keep the violin in tune until after the performance." And of course, God really kept the violin in tune all the way until.......shortly after the performance, the E string went completely out of tune AGAIN!! But to me, God's grace was so evident :p He heard and answered my prayer so that I could at least play an "in-tune violin" (that was super important because I already had a tendency to go off-tune, haha).

Though I did not perform as well as I hoped to, I was glad yesterday's playing was a performance unto the Lord. That's so different from all my performances in the past. There was some stress still, but ultimately, I could really enjoy because I was playing by God's grace and strength. And although the playing fell short of my own expectations eventually, I could tell myself that God loved that :)

As I look back on all the unpleasant experiences in those years of learning...the stress, the discipline etc, I am glad God healed me from them all and left me with a skill that I now possess for a lifetime. I love the music the violin produces. And I thank God that despite of the pain in the past, I was given an opportunity to pick up this instrument....:) All things indeed work for the good of us.

God can use every unpleasant experience in our lives ultimately for His glory and for our good.

I am just so thankful......And I can't wait to get my own violin again!

Perfect timing

2010-09-16T22:21:00.002+08:00

Brought Candra out to meet Aunt K and little Q :) We went to Bras Basah to get some kids' books and thereafter had a great lunch at Seah Street Deli.

Well, Candra happily decided to skip her first nap and lasted all the way till after lunch.. (I know she is dropping this first nap soon.. but I was still hoping she would at least sleep for a little while).

Being the worried me, I was worried that if she skipped her 1st nap, her napping schedule for the whole day would be messed up. And I hoped she would only start to nap when we got home cos that would then mean an undisrupted long nap.. but guess what, she started to nap immediately after lunch, on our way home. :(

When I got home, I tried my best to transfer her out from the stroller onto my bed and I gave her air-con... She woke up.. but thankfully, maybe because the conditions were really conducive, she decided to continue with her nap.. :)

The best part was this, she napped for another 2.5 full hours at home.....:) And that to me was a miracle from God. A sister came over this afternoon to catch up.. and that long nap really gave me the time to spend with her. We ended up having a long stretch of time to share and catch up and I enjoyed that meaningful connection today.

I felt that God really knew that we needed that time and so He caused Candra to take that long nap....(which she might not have had cos she usually wakes up from all forms of disruption).

He is amazing......:)

Candra at 16.5 months

2010-09-09T08:57:00.003+08:00

This little girl never fails to amaze and amuse us...these are some things that she can do now...

1. Yesterday, my domestic helper asked her to help retrieve her cup so that she could drink some water, little Candra walked into the kitchen, got Aunt R's ceramic cup, and brought it over to her carefully...:)

2. Last weekend, this little girl kept signing, "No" and "Work" together, while she was with mummy and daddy, and she smiled each time she did so.... on the weekdays, when we asked where daddy/mummy was leaving to, she would sign "work" :p

3. One day, after daddy stepped out of the house for work, she rushed to daddy's bag (which he intentionally left behind at home) and kept pointing to it and tried to tell me that daddy forgot his bag. When I told her that daddy was returning from work soon (in the evening), she rushed to daddy's bag and pointed to it again... :) When daddy finally got home, the first thing she did was to go to daddy's bag and pulled it over to daddy..and she, in her own words, told daddy that he forgot his bag :p So sweet........

My girl is growing, growing and growing.. :)

After 15 long years...

2010-09-03T09:17:00.002+08:00

After 15 long years, I am finally getting back to playing that instrument...

I feel so excited... so excited that the notes kept running in my head last night.

Why the excitement? I wonder....

I guess deep down, despite the traumatic experiences related to that instrument in the past, I do have a passion for the playing of it. I love the sound it produces.

It's been a long time since I felt energised by something I loved to do...I don't even think playing the piano invokes that kind of response from me.

Feel like practising over and over and over again...

A pity I am not playing on my own instrument but a borrowed one... hmm...contemplating buying a new on for myself some time in future.. and getting in touch with my teacher whom I lost touch with many years ago. :)

Memories...

Bedtime crying

2010-08-26T21:07:00.002+08:00

Candra's been crying more lately at bedtime.

She just resists going to bed and sometimes cuddle me like a koala bear.

She cried very badly tonight, although she was already very tired (after having only napped 20mins for the whole day because of the zoo outing). For a while, I thought should could be suffering from a tummy ache because the crying was so bad. I felt bad leaving her in the cot to cry. So I switched on the air con and picked her up. But she continued crying super loudly. I discovered that it was not a tummy ache when I asked her, "Candra, you don't want to sleep huh?" and she nodded her head.

No matter what I said or did, she just did not want to stop crying. When I asked her, "Candra, do you want to be a good girl?", she shook her head vigorously each time I asked her that. Eventually, I cradled her in my arms and prayed aloud, "Oh Lord, Candra's struggling with bedtime, please teach her that there's a time for everything and that she needs to exercise self-control and put herself to rest, in Jesus' name, Amen."

First of all, she stopped crying immediately when I started to pray (as usual) and after the prayer, she stopped altogether. Then I started to talk to her gently, explaining to her that there is a time for everything. A time for bathing, a time for diaper changing, a time for eating, a time for playing and a time for sleeping. This amazing little one kept nodding her head in acknowledgment. And finally, when I asked her, "Candra, do you want to be a good girl?", this time, she nodded and agreed to let me put her down.

Praise the Lord! No crying when I put her down and off she went to sleep on her own.

Two things which I learnt from this:

1. When a child is crying in protest, don't get angry, agitated etc., pray with her and let the Lord teach her.

2. Little children have an amazing sense and sensitivity towards the presence of God and they do know the fear of the Lord.

Although it took me a while to settle her for sleep, but I thought it was all worthwhile. The interaction was precious :)

Thanks be to our God who hears every cry of our hearts! Amen!

Candra at 16 months

2010-08-24T22:05:00.002+08:00

We noticed that Candra's like daddy in the following ways :

1. She is a girl of few words

2. She loves mechanical stuff

3. She is super observant about what goes on around her

4. She looks more like daddy

And she's like mummy in the following ways:

1. She LOVES food...

2. She loves to dance..

3. She has a loud voice

4. She is rather affectionate

Traits we think she probably inherited from extended family members:

1. A little fiesty

2. Impatience

3. Strong-willedness

4. Left-handedness (for now)

Whenever hubby and i chat about our girl, we just can't stop talking about her and laughing over her behaviours.

We were amazed today when she cooled her food by blowing!

2 days back, I showed her a short youtube video on God's creation during our devotion time. Yesterday, when I tried to do a short review of what we learnt a day before about God's creation, she pointed to the computer immediately. It's amazing what they can remember. And when she saw the video again at night, she pointed to her devotion bible story book :) Wow!

She kissed my tummy (kisses meant for the baby) numerous times today.. :) And she loves to kiss her stuffed toys.

Last sunday, at my parents' place, when it was almost time to go home, this little girl went to daddy and pointed at his watch, as if she was trying to remind him that it was time to leave.. haha!

She loves to dance especially to O, MacDonald and I'm a little teapot. She also loves to do the actions to Insey Weensy Spider :)

She loves to imitate a piano player :) And that makes me feel like getting her a mini piano.

So much more I can say about this girl.. I hope I can retain all my memories about her now.. if I don't manage to blog about everything :) haha

The Invincible Stitch

2010-08-18T12:25:00.002+08:00

This is really funny.

Candra's uncle recently gave her a "Stitch" (from Lilo & Stitch) and my sis in Shanghai has a similar one.

There was once, we video-called my sis over Skype... and Candra's naughty daddy deviced a game :) He wanted to pretend that the Stitch in Singapore was passed over to my sis in Shanghai. The trick was this, he pretended to push Stitch into the screen (then immediately kept it away), the my sis in Shanghai pretended to catch Stitch in the screen (when in actual fact, all she did was to raise her own Stitch and show it to Candra .. haha)....Candra was so amazed......hahaha

Yesterday, we skyped again... This time round, Candra for some reason kept on wanting to pass another toy to her Aunt in the screen... :p haha.. she was under the impression that it could be done. Well, then we did the Stitch thing again twice and she was like "WOW"... and clapped her ends each time... Funny!

It's amazing how kids can be so innocent and imaginative in their own ways... :P

Well...we know.. she will outgrow this game pretty soon.. haha!

Good

2010-08-17T23:12:00.002+08:00

Haven't put up a post for a long time, thought i should just put up something for fun since I have nothing to do now at 11pm at night.. and I don't feel like touching a piece of work. :)

I still haven't started feeling any movements in my tummy..:) I am waiting in anticipation because the feeling of movements is really the most exciting part of pregnancy. For now, I try to remind myself to talk to the little kiddo inside more, so that he/she does not feel neglected..hee

Candra's still as lovely as ever. Still such a joy and blessing to us. She's becoming more and more interactive. Absorbing information like a sponge. She communicates with us a lot more through the nodding and shaking of her head. I love the fact that she is generous with her hugs and kisses. I love the fact that she connects with us... It's hard to describe what I love about her because I just love her. :) We once borrowed this storybook from the library and I really loved the contents. I love how the book ended, "I love any way you feel no matter what you do, I love you just the way you are, I love you because you are you!" That kind of sums up my feelings about my little darling.

Marriage life is still fantastic and we are really looking forward to another addition to our family :) I appreciate hubby for making time for us in the midst of all his heavy commitments. We really enjoy every moment spent as a family, and we love the times we spend with our extended families as well. We have been talking extensively about this topic of, "authenticity". It's hard to put everything we have discussed on the blog.. but suffice to say, we feel super strongly about it.

Well..all in all, despite some of the difficult things we are going through with some ppl in our lives, we are still glad and satisfied in our good Lord, and for that, we are truly thankful.

not over yet?

2010-08-03T16:13:00.002+08:00

:(

I do feel more energetic these days now that I have gone past the first trimester.. But.. I still do puke occasionally.........the puking's not completely gone although the frequency has greatly reduced.

Especially these few days, cos I am down with a cold.. that makes things worse.

Oh dear.. will the puking disappear completely at some point?????

Sometimes I wonder why this pregnancy is so different from the 1st one...... have I grown weaker physically or what? Will I be able to prevent this from happening in a subsequent pregnancy?

But oh well.. it's still all worth it I guess :) When I think on the day of this little one's arrival... I know i am going to be so sure that everything was worth it :) haha.

And that's the thing about mummies... after baby's arrival, we can sort of forget all the pain and the trouble of the pregnancy.. and then... GO THROUGH IT AGAIN!

Back :)

2010-07-27T19:59:00.002+08:00

YS and LL came over for dinner tonight. : ) Our dear brother's a pretty good cook I must say, whipped up a dish with tomatoes, potatoes, bacon, mushrooms, rosemary, oregano, black pepper and olive oil.. yummy :p A pity, after the sumptous dinner, I threw up AGAIN!!!!

Actually, I thought the throwing up has stopped because for about a week, the throwing up sort of stopped. I thought, "Yeah! I can start eating well again!!!!"...but guess what... today's a really bad day.. puked not just once but A FEW TIMES....

This feels like my first pregnancy because I did not suffer from morning sickness in my first one.. :( It's tough not so much because I puke at times, but because I am such a foodie....that any form of deprivation from food makes me feel really really sad.... :( But well....such days will be over! That's what I tell myself most of the time.

Things can be quite difficult on the work front these days... constantly reminding myself to put my trust in God as I go through these season. Thankfully, God's been gracious and every single prayer for help and rest has been answered so far. :) Can't imagine life without God who cares.

Hmmm....Candra seems to be entering yet another new phase... resisting her bedtime AGAIN... and resisting her ROOMTIME (when she plays by herself in the room) AGAIN... Well, hubby and I decided that maybe kids are just like that. They need re-training at times and as parents, we just need to be patient and consistent.

All in all, I am currently in a state where I can be thankful for how everything's working out and I am really grateful for that :). There are days when I feel so so so lousy and down.... :(

Stabilising

2010-07-01T16:50:00.002+08:00

Maybe the pregnancy has stabilised... suffering less from all the symptoms this week. At least no more nausea...and I can eat more now. This time round, I suffered more from the symptoms.. for about 2 - 3 weeks......painful... though I know some people get it worse than I do...still, that few weeks were rather difficult. I could not really eat a lot cos I might throw up from having too much. But if I was too hungry, I might throw up too. The itchy feet from dry skin's a problem too... only had that in the 3rd trimester last time, but now, it's starting to show up in the 1st trimester. Argh!..

Ah well.. no complaints :) Feeling much much better this week. Life's returning almost back to normal.......Anyway, that's the price to pay for this precious blessing :p Sometimes I will tell him/her, "baby, you know, mummy's been having a hard time....but it's not your fault ok :)".

Candra's absorbing information like a sponge. She's been trying to use the key to open the gate. She know's how to adjust her fingers to hold the key well. She also tried to use her foot to release the door stopper, like how we would usually do it. Sometimes, we are amazed at how much she observes daily. She even knows which button to press in order to wind down the car window.

She's been trying to communicate with us....but all her phrases turn out to be, "da da da da...". Sometimes, when we don't get her, she will look so dejected and frustrated (that's really entertaining if u get to see that expression in person). Hubby and I have decided that we need to teach her more sign language to help her express herself... her sign language vocab needs to expand.

Much less crying

2010-06-27T20:48:00.002+08:00

For the past 2 weeks or so, we observed that Candra has changed..

For one whole year, she cries at almost every nap and bedtime, so much so that we have gotten used to that.

Over the past 2 weeks, we observed that the crying has stopped. Now, we can put her down for her naps peacefully without much crying from her... sometimes, she can even smile at us before we walk out of the room. Bedtime's the same....she can happily kiss us goodnight at times or smile.. or just quietly show us that she's ready to go to bed.

Wow.. we're hoping that it's because she's matured and learnt the beauty and sweetness of sleep.

Quality and sufficient sleep is super important for kids.

The first time

2010-06-23T09:23:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I had to cane the little one for the first time.

She's been having this problem of venting her frustration on others by hitting their face with her hands. We have been trying to train her not to do that for the longest time... but yesterday, it got way out of hand. So I decided it's time to execute some serious discipline.

When daddy returned home in the evening and asked her, "How was your day? Were you a good girl?".....guess what? She pointed to her diapers and pulled up her diapers slightly! Papa thinks she was trying to tell him that she was caned for being naughty. haha :p

She is almost 14 months old... and yes, we are quite sure she can fully appreciate what discipline for wrong behavior means.

That was really cute. We had a good laugh.. :P

Maybe that's why...:)

2010-06-22T13:00:00.003+08:00

Last night, hubby and I were chatting. He's started at his new job. Planned his schedules for the next half of the year... starting his part-time studies in 2 weeks time.. getting the hang of things at his new job... adjusting etc. As with every change, we usually take a while to settle into all the adjustments. Stress becomes inevitable at times.

While he was unloading his stuff... I thought back on how overwhelmed I was feeling about a week back. When I first confirmed this 2nd pregnancy, I felt super overwhelmed too. Stressed for some time because of the changes which are happening on various fronts. But yesterday, I told hubby this, "I think I know why God has decided to give us a 2nd baby at this time...:)".

In my last pregnancy, I made a conscious effort not to worry too much because I wanted to give Candra a stable emotional environment. I reminded myself constantly to put my faith in God for everything. This time round, I think the lesson's the same. With a tiny little one in my tummy, I cannot afford to allow myself to fret over every other thing. I need to be strong.

With all the changes happening in our family, I guess it helps that I can focus on getting on well with this pregnancy. :) Rather than all the other possible worries and uncertainties which come with all those changes.

Someone asked the both of us, "are you guys sure you are fine having all these changes (hubby's new job, part-time studies, 2nd baby) coming at one shot?"

Honestly, we are not too sure how we are going to manage. But I guess our take is this, since all these are happening in God's way and time (something we are rather certain of), we just got to trust that He will lead us through them all by His grace.

Hubby and I reminded each other yesterday that we must , in all things, ENJOY!

Grace Alone

2010-06-15T21:19:00.002+08:00

Am feeling pretty overwhelmed lately cos our family's moving into a whole new season with a whole new set of challenges. Apart from hubby's job change and the start of his part-time studies, we are also facing some changes on the family front :)

Worries, fears, anxieties about the uncertain future have been overwhelming me. Sometimes, I feel so tired and stressed and thoughts of wanting to just run away from life fill my mind (when I say run away, I mean go do what I like by myself, sleep, run away from responsibilities etc.). Primarily, I am worried that I would not be able to cope. But I am reminded by this verse that's pasted on my wardrobe,

2 Cor 12: 9 -10

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

And this song which I came across while choosing the worship set for this sunday ministered to my overwhelmed heart too... guess it's going to be my theme song for quite a while.

GRACE ALONE

Verse 1

Every promise we can make, every prayer and step of faith

Every diff’rence we will make is only by His grace

Every mountain we will climb, every ray of hope we shine

Every blessing left behind is only by His grace

Reff:

Grace alone which God supplies

Strength unknown He will provide

Christ in us, our Cornerstone

We will go forth in grace alone

Verse 2

Every soul we long to reach, every heart we hope to teach

Every where we share His peace is only by His grace

Every loving word we say, every tear we wipe away

Every sorrow turned to praise is only by His grace

Teething..FINALLY!

2010-06-14T20:31:00.002+08:00

Wow.. Candra's finally teething.

Her first teeth are erupting.. AND..........from the looks of them, they are the CANINES! not the usual pattern for teething..but oh well, read from the websites that some kids don't follow the usual pattern.

Wonder how she's going to look with the canines... haha

Maybe she can't wait to bite some meat.. :)

She had diarrhea for a few days.. then fever on and off.. then the eruption of the teeth. Hmm... brought her to see doc cos we were not too sure the cause of the diarrhea, doc says she's got stomach flu. But some say that teething can cause diarrhea...hai... not sure..

But well.. at least now we know, she's starting the teething process. Finally.. this girl's a late bloomer :)

About my girl

2010-06-08T22:39:00.002+08:00

Thought I should blog about my girl to keep these as memories when she grows up.

She is a little girl who......

loves to eat (exactly like me)...she's always saying "mum, mum, mum, mum"

is rather generous with her hugs and kisses (when she's in a good mood of course)...

is generous with her "thank u"s :)

knows how to comfort someone in pain or sadness by hugging and patting...

finally decided to start walking without support a few days back...

is full of smiles and laughter throughout the day...

is generally obedient and still learning to improve day after day...

is rather head-strong but has been learning to control herself and be kind...

hates to be put to bed and still protests by crying at every nap and bedtime till this day (now she starts to cry when we say, "sleeptime")...

loves to sign, learn new signs and increase her vocabulary (now she can identify her facial features :p)...

IS SUPER CUTE!!!!!

A beautiful holiday

2010-06-03T21:00:00.003+08:00

We are back from Shanghai.

We had such a wonderful holiday. Both hubby and I felt that we had a good week there with Candra. When we left, we felt so satisfied that we were prepared to return home. For once, we did not feel that time was flying past us and we were really enjoying every moment as a family slowly. We had a good time with my little sister too. Nothing beats spending time with family.

We were so blessed to be able to stay on a beautiful island with a golf resort for free :) Lodging in the mini chalet house-like unit was fantastic. The air was good, the food was good, the weather was really the best weather for a holiday, the greenery was good....everything just felt so good. We were also richly blessed by the kindness of friends there that we hardly spent on anything over and above the air ticket.

Our trips into Shanghai city were fun too. With Candra around, we could not travel out to the city that much, but we traveled sufficiently to make us feel satisfied :) Candra took some naps on the long car rides.

The Shanghai Expo was great too. Although we did not get to go inside many pavilions because of the super long queues, just looking at the exterior of the buildings were great too. Candra loves the mascot by the name of "Hai bao" and she could actually pronounced the words quite well.

It's hard to describe the whole trip in a few words.. but I would just say that we really enjoyed ourselves tremendously, all thanks to God! Candra behaved well on the flights (out of our expectations).. although her sleep at night weren't too good and we had disrupted sleep on most nights, her naps were great. She enjoyed herself, behaved herself most of the time and taking care of her was just wonderful. She's such a sweet darling.

Hubby was a very hands-on daddy and he was such a great help. He helped to prepare Candra's daily meals etc. We had to coordinate with each other quite a bit but the partnership turned out to be a good experience too. With one child it's challenging, with more to come, there will be greater challenges I am sure. :) We learnt and enjoyed the process. :)

Well, we discovered on the trip that Candra's really like me. She LOVES to eat. She says, "mum, mum, mum, mum" (asking for food) throughout the day and she refuses to take her own food which we had prepared unless we added some of the stuff we had. She's such a foodie.. JUST LIKE ME! haha!

Wow............no regrets going on this holiday really!

Off to Shanghai tomorrow :)

2010-05-25T22:01:00.002+08:00

Thank God.. managed to clear most of the work I had to clear in office over the past 2 days.

We are heading off to Shanghai tomorrow morning! Yippee!

We must say that God's timing for this trip is perfect...

My younger sis whom we are visiting met with a freak car accident over there just 2 days back...thankfully she is physically safe... It's good we are visiting her these few days. Can make her happy as she overcomes the aftermath of the whole incident and enjoy some super good family time :)

Will be back in a week's time......

Thank God for this family holiday....it's also a good break just before hubby starts his new job at SP.

Everything's falling into place really nicely..

Now we pray Candra will not give too much trouble on the airplane :)

Holding back nothing...

2010-05-18T11:25:00.002+08:00

Questions which are popping up in this little head of mine..

1. Can I trust God fully on my family size?

2. Can I surrender this whole family planning and birth control issue to Him?

3. Do I really trust Him to know what's best for our family?

4. Can I trust Him to provide as He guides?

O Lord, why why why?

He wants our ALL... and He means it.

What does surrender mean? Surrender means to give complete control to Him in EVERYTHING...Woah.. never thought it would be this tough...honestly, it is SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER TOUGH!

So much on my plate....

2010-05-17T14:20:00.002+08:00

Lately, Candra's behavior has set us thinking about discipline. She's good most of the time, but when she decides that she is cranky, angry or frustrated and wants to vent, she starts to become really naughty and a little violent. Got to start thinking more about discipline methods etc..some books which I need to read, some people whom I need to talk to etc...

There's something else I have been thinking about...family planning & birth control....been challenged to think biblically about it and make a firm decision and stand. Woah...this is huge thing!! Tough...Reading "The Full Quiver" by Rick and Jan Hess...

so much on my plate lately.. so many issues to think and pray about...

Another answered prayer! :p

2010-05-14T17:35:00.003+08:00

Am working on a case now which requires me to do some research and rack my brains. Legal research can take up quite a bit of time and often, the process is like looking for a needle in a haystack......plus my boss wanted me to find the exact type of case to support our argument!

I said a prayer just now,

"God, please help me find the relevant case authority so that I do not have to spend too much time on this piece of research. Please help me to be efficient."

Guess what? I found a super relevant case in less than 30mins after saying that prayer! That's super amazing :) That means I don't have to sit in front of the computer for hours and spend time over the weekend mulling over this piece of work.

This is not the first time God is helping me at work in this way.. but every encounter of His providence excites me to the core! haha! :)

God is good and He is real.. turn to Him in your time of need in child-like faith and experience His reality through answered prayers. :)

Nothing beats knowing that God cares so so much in our daily lives............

His Way?...He knows best (Part III)

2010-05-05T10:40:00.002+08:00

Yippee!

Hubby went for the final round of interviews yesterday.

He rehearsed his presentation with me once before that and I thought he did a fantastic job.

The interview turned out very well :) They liked him...

And...

They called him this morning and made the offer!

Praise the Lord!

2 MRT stops away from our home... Can't believe it...

God is so so so so good!

Blessed are all who put their trust in Him. :)

The concept of $ ...hmm..

2010-04-30T17:18:00.002+08:00

On tuesday, I brought my darling out for a while. I was lazy, so we took a cab. When we reached our destination, I took out $ from my wallet and paid the taxi driver. When we took a cab back, my little one reached into my wallet and took out the cash and handed the cash over to the driver. I thought that was quite amazing and interesting...

This morning, my domestic helper and I brought her out to buy breakfast. Guess what, she took my $10 note and tried to hand it over to the malay lady serving us :) hahaha :p

Now I am wondering, does she already have some concept of $?

About my girl :)

2010-04-27T15:32:00.004+08:00

My little girl was given a tiny gold ring from my domestic helper for her 1st birthday. We put in on the third finger on her right hand. She had it on for the whole day on her birthday and she was so pleased with it that she kept pointing at it, as if she was showing it off. We notice that she does appreciate "pretty" things, eg. pretty clothes, hair accessories etc. She's so girl.. haha... we do hope that she will not become too vain though haha! :)

We took the ring off after her birthday.. and on monday, while my domestic helper was playing with her, she tugged at her clothes, kept pointing at her third finger and used some sign language to ask for the ring... Woah!! That to us was pretty amazing...that's how much understanding she has now.

She's really growing up and getting smarter in some ways. But there's something worrying...just now, she kept trying to get down the sofa her way even though she has already learnt the right technique of getting down. That was super dangerous and of course I said, "No" a number of times. The more I said, "No" and tried to explain to her that what she was doing was dangerous, the more she wanted to try her own way and even shouted at me to show her displeasure.

Then I thought to myself, "do I really need to let her fall down once so that she learns it the hard way?" I really don't wish to have to come to that.. cos she will hurt herself in the process. Thankfully, when I realised that the hard way was not going to work, I tried to do it the soft and encouraging way. Finally, she decided to use the right and safer technique to get herself off the sofa. Phew...

But this incident gave me some insight into Candra's personality and disposition. It's not the first time she's shown us something like that.. just that this time round, it involves something "dangerous".

Guess we are all like that in some ways. We choose to be rebellious and choose our own ways at times even when we have been warned of the danger.

Well, I do hope that we will learn how to guide Candra to make the right decisions...but if she really does need to learn things the hard way at times, I guess we as parents just got to get ourselves ready for it. Sobz :(

His Way??,,,,,He knows best. (Part II)

2010-04-24T16:15:00.003+08:00

Yippee!

Hubby's been notified that he's going on for the final interview on 4 May!!!

SP i just 2 MRT stations away from our home! I can't believe this! haha.. it's so so so convenient. Furthermore, the faculty we are talking about is very near the MRT station... Wow!!! Can't imagine that.. and I thought I was already very close to work i.e Clifford Centre, right outside Raffles Place :)

GOD PROVIDES!

His Way??...He knows best.

2010-04-21T22:47:00.005+08:00

About 3 weeks go:

Hubby shared with me his woes at work... some of which could impinge on his major plans for the 2nd half of this year and the coming few years. He started to wonder whether he should be looking out for a new job. I told him that unless God made it clear for him to take the next step, just stay put faithfully.

12 April 2010:

He came across a bible verse on a card placed on his office table in the morning. It read,

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul." (Psalm 143:8)

He prayed that exactly and asked the Lord to show him the way.

He went to browse the Singapore Polytechnic website.

To his surprise, he saw the exact opening he has been waiting for and...12 April 2010 was the closing date for applications.

He sent in his resume at noon to make sure his application was received before the applications closed at the end of the day.

13 April 2010:

He called SP and they confirmed that they had received the application.

14 April 2010:

He received an email from his ex-lecturer, asking him to meet up for an interview.

15 April 2010:

He went for the interview.

20 April 2010:

He came to know that either he or another fellow applicant would be sent to the final round of interview by HR department.

21 April 2010

We are waiting.... waiting.... waiting... "God, is this Your way?"

Whatever it is, may His will be done. :) Afterall, He knows best!

Our lovely girl :)

2010-04-18T16:06:00.005+08:00

Candra's turning one year old next week! Wow.. time really flies. This little girl never fails to warm our hearts with her little hugs :) She's been trying to walk and she took her first baby step unsupported today!

She's been such a joy and honestly, I have been enjoying every bit of this parenting journey. Every minute spent with her enjoying her and delighting in her has been so worthwhile.. and therapeutic. :)

Yesterday, she showed us that a little child like her is capable of learning self-control. We were at R & H's place for fellowship.. she went to touch their mini hi-fi system on the floor. I told her not to do that. The next time she crawled close to that hi-fi system and was about to reach for it, she turned around and looked at me. I said, "Candra, no you can't touch that". She turned and looked at the hi-fi set again, her hands almost touching it, but she decided to crawl towards hubby and myself instead of touching that hi-fi set. We thought that was such a good display of self-control on her part and we praised her for that.

This incident yesterday reminded us that children, as young as a few months old, are capable of learning self-control. They can be trained to exercise restraint appropriately and we should never think that they will only learn when they are older (especially for children these days). When we set appropriate boundaries for them, they do learn what is expected of them and try to behave accordingly.

She's really been such a joy and delight. Though she loves to shout and like every other child has her frustrated and impatient moments, we still feel really blessed to have her in the family.

Where did she learn that from?

2010-04-09T18:05:00.003+08:00

Thought I should blog about this so that we can retain this sweet memory. :)

A few days back, I was playing with Candra in the living room. I was hoping she would play with her toys, but she chose to crawl away from me instead and venture into forbidden grounds. Then I "cried" / "whined" because I felt sad that she chose not to play with me.. when she heard me "cry", she turned back and crawled towards me immediately and gave me a hug :).

A friend of mine asked me when she heard about this incident, "where did she learn that from? Did you guys teach her that? Did she watch some TV programme and learnt that?" Both hubby and I replied, "No, we have no idea where she learnt that from." :)

That's our girl.. :P She crawled back to comfort me cos she felt I was a little upset... wasn't that sweet? :) hee

Gentle, affectionate, friendly :)

2010-04-07T21:06:00.003+08:00

We find our little one pretty affectionate and gentle :)

With us, she is generous with her hugs. She also loves to pat her stuff toys and hug them :) We find her gentle because she has learnt how to pat them lightly and not "beat" them up. haha!

We just love her smile...and we enjoy the fact that she's sociable and friendly towards others, generous with her "hellos" and "byebyes".

Our greatest hope is that she will grow up to be an authentic person with deep and genuine concern for others.

She's been learning. Now she signs:

1. More (this is her favourite)

2. Ball (which looks a lot like "more")

3. Thank you

4. Please

5. Hello

6. Bye bye

7. Kiss goodbye

8. Yes (this is the most recent one.. but this looks just like "hello" and "bye bye" haha :p)

9. Eat

10. Sorry (but this looks like "please" for now :p)

11. Clap her hands

12. Pray

She knows, "give XX a hug", "pat pat" :)

She's getting excited about walking.. Wow.. it's a whole new world out there for her. But because of her new excitement..toys have become real boring.. hmm..

The reality - A suffering world

2010-04-02T21:58:00.002+08:00

We have been praying for a little girl living in our estate, slightly younger than Candra, for a while. The last time we saw her, she had lost a lot of weight and we were told that she was always throwing up after her food and milk.

Today, I received news from someone that a little girl, of her similar description, has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. I think she's probably the one we had been praying for. She underwent an operation, is currently in ICU, lost sight completely in one eye and losing sight in the other.

My heart broke when I was informed of her condition. She's only about 10 months old. Her family's devastated and grieving over her condition. We've not been seeing her around at the playground for a while.. cos she's been in hospital.

Such great suffering indeed, that this family is going through. The little girl's going through so much pain from her illness at such a young age. This is the reality of the world that we live in. People around us suffering tremendously, grieving in pain.

This family needs hope and strength to face tomorrow. This child needs so much inner strength to face her future if she recovers.

Only God can give us strength and hope in suffering.... nothing else in this world can.

Please keep this family in prayers, cry out to the Lord for them.

We are praying alongside them... that's all we can do for now.

Difficult stuff

2010-03-30T00:26:00.004+08:00

Going through some difficult stuff...

Ploughing through some difficult questions and needing answers from God...

Waiting to hear from Him.

God remains sovereign, His plans always higher than ours... GOD IS GOD.

I am hoping to find my answers soon.. in the meantime, I am just glad that God gives me the space to be myself, to get real about the difficult questions, and to wait and listen.

Yup, "waiting" is the word.

And I'm glad that in the midst of all these difficult stuff.. I could still enjoy some time with a good friend at the dinner table.. catching up.. talking about all sorts of things and issues etc... and enjoying life.

Thought for this passion week: "Yet not my will, but Yours be done."

Prayer is the work

2010-03-25T11:20:00.003+08:00

The end of Man is where God begins.

人的尽头乃是神的开始

Prayer IS the work we are to do...

Prayer IS our ministry.

"No man is greater than his prayer life. The pastor who is not praying is playing; the people who are not praying are straying."

(quoted from Chapter 2 of Why Revival Tarries, by Leonard Ravenhill)

Posture in prayer

2010-03-23T11:00:00.004+08:00

I am really enjoying every bit of my time with Candra today though I still have some work to do from home.

So much has been happening in the lives of different close friends lately.. both hubby and I have been somewhat busy... so we really miss enjoying our time with Candra :) Thankfully, we are not downcast or feeling overwhelmed, all by His grace... :) God's teaching the both of us a very new lesson through this season. People are very different from tasks. People problems are much more difficult to resolve than problems relating to tasks. We are driven to our end and humbled by our limitations... and He has been causing us to pray a lot more for without prayer, there's no way we can move ahead each day with joy and strength.

We have been personally encouraged by Moses' example in prayer, his posture in prayer during the battle against the Amalekites. Lately, we have been wondering to ourselves, maybe all the spiritual leaders recorded in the bible prayed in that posture most of the time and maybe that's what we ought to do most of the time. God's really teaching us a new lesson and dimension in prayer.

As I take time today to rest in God.. and enjoy my precious time with Candra...my heart is filled with so much joy and peace.

Thank You God for being my source of strength in times of trouble.

Some pics I took with our new G11

2010-03-19T21:37:00.004+08:00

Need a break!

2010-03-19T21:20:00.002+08:00

Wow.. there's just been so much on my plate recently... I hope to get a break soon.

Been telling some ppl about how I need to switch modes quite quickly... from family, to work then to ministry and then back to family, then to work, then to ministry again, so on and so forth.....WOAH! can't change that quickly sometimes.

Told hubby a few times that lately, I've really been caught in the heat of battles (spiritual ones I mean), some are my own battles, some are others'....not easy stuff... but guess it's a great season to learn what it means to rely on God in weakness. And probably that's the reality of life..I have no complains really, I just need to know how to re-charge myself :)

I feel a somewhat weak and tired today.. God please help me..

Time to move forward? Changes...adjustments?

2010-03-11T11:11:00.004+08:00

Hubby met up with his mentor last night.

Some stuff transpired in their conversation... basically, our family may have to face some major upcoming changes.

Honestly, I appreciate that there's someone else in his life to challenge him as he moves along in his life journey. That's something I know I as a wife cannot really do. It's a guy to guy thing.

Well, it's not a bad thing to experience changes and adjustments..but I guess we would usually still prefer to stay in our comfort zones (if we have the choice haha).

We'll still need to discuss more.. haha! Hubby said he will need to sit Candra down and speak to her about it.. that's funny! She's barely a year old! I think the session will be super cute. Candra will probably be wondering, "what's daddy talking about?"

I am filled with excitement and anticipation on the one hand..but also some fears on the other.

Hmmm........what's coming up? :p

Time to slow down

2010-03-08T10:42:00.003+08:00

I am feeling quite tired.. and the heatiness in the body's not helping.

But I am thankful hubby and I managed to spend some time at Holland Village's Starbucks last night. We each spent some time on our own... I journalled, he listened to songs on his mp3, read some stuff and journalled... it was a well-spent 1plus hours although we hardly talked to each other. Such times can be very therapeutic and I admitted to him that I missed those days when I was still single and could just spend such times on my own as and when I wanted. I need such times, to get in touch with myself and with God, especially when so much has been happening around me.

As a mother, I have come to realise that it's really important to take good care of my emotional health and that means making enough time for God daily. Without good emotional health, it's difficult to take good care of Candra without wanting to snap at some times. Thankfully, I managed to control myself... there were a few times when I really felt like snapping.

Honestly, Candra's not a very difficult child. She does have quite a fiesty personality and well, she does like to challenge her limits. She has no qualms about expressing her displeasure and because she has a naturally loud voice, sometimes, her talking seems like shouting to me. But, I have been reminding myself to celebrate her good traits and not expect her to be the super cooperative kind of child. She's been behaving well at CGs and sunday services... I don't mean she's quiet all the time and sits still.. but for her type of personality, both hubby and I think she's been doing great already. I do need to constantly remind myself that she's unique.. and that I must not expect so much out of her that she loses her personality. For one, I can't expect her to lower her volume all the time.. haha.. especially when she's probably inherited the loud voice from me.

Well, everything's been great. Hubby and I have been discussing about many things... and wondering where God is leading us in ministry. We both concluded that we are in a season of waiting for God to unfold His grand plan for us...in the meantime, we just got to remain faithful and prayerful.

On a side note, last night, we prayed this for Candra, "Lord, please cause Candra not to shit at night cos no one's sleeping in the room with her." Guess what! Immediately after that prayer was said, Candra showed signs of wanting to do her business and we put her on her potty immediately! Praise the Lord for answering such a small but important prayer of ours. And well.. Candra slept well :) He never fails to amaze us through answered prayers.

God is truly good.. all the time.

She said "ti - ker" :p

2010-03-01T12:09:00.002+08:00

Candra loves to play with the small animal finger puppets.

She was playing with the tiger this morning.. and I just kept saying "tiger".. and she tried "ti...ti...ti.." and finally, "ti-ker".. sounded quite like it. :p Super cute. But that was just once, she did not want to repeat it thereafter no matter how hard I begged her to do it. haha!

My little girl's learning to speak.. Wow!

Potty training & updates :p

2010-02-27T23:18:00.004+08:00

Not too sure what potty training is really all about.. but well, we decided to start letting Candra poop in her potty :)

She loves to sit on it.. haha.. and yeah! She pooped for the first time in her potty today! Hopefully we will have more successes in days to come and she will draw the connection between pooping and her potty!

She's still our wonderful child..but it can be quite challenging disciplining her cos she generally likes to do things her way and she's hardly bothered about what others think... She likes to test her limits too....just today, we had to confine her in the baby cot for quite a long time cos she just kept disobeying..and it took her quite a while before she decided to surrender and comply.

But well.....we still think she's a good child :) She behaved so well at our cg tonight.. especially when we broke up into groups to pray. We are always very thankful for her cooperation at cgs.

She can now say, "mama", "papa", "nai1 nai1"... and "dada", "baba", "wawa" etc.. :) she can sign "pray", "please", "thank you", "hello", "byebye" and "gongxi gongxi".. and of course, she's understanding general instructions. Woah.. my girl's growing up so quickly!!!

First CNY with baby :)

2010-02-17T13:35:00.003+08:00

Wow! We had so much fun over the past few days...but it was also very tiring. I think Candra en enjoyed herself tremendously, especially the part about moving from house to house... the changes of environment. :)

CNY Eve

We made a trip to JB. We managed to get a lift from a relative so that saved us a lot of trouble. We started the journey at 3pm and reached at 430pm. Thankfully, Candra slept almost throughout the whole car journey... that was wonderful cos we were worried she might get really upset with the traffic jam. When we arrived, she took a very short while to get herself adjusted to the new place and thereafter it was just a lot of fun for her :) Hubby's relatives enjoyed her! She enjoyed all the little snacks too.

CNY Day 1

Started the day with church service. That was refreshing. Thereafter, it was just moving from one place to another. First, we headed for PILs' place, then to hubby's grandparents' place, then finally to my parents' place. Candra hardly napped that day but she thoroughly enjoyed herself... :) She had some trouble falling asleep at night though cos she was over stimulated in the day i think.

CNY Day 2

We decided to rest more this day. Had lunch with elder sis and cousin at Xin Wang Cafe! That was what we did last year, just that Candra was still in my tummy then. The lunch was great save that Candra happily decided to reject her porridge and demanded that we fed her ours. In the end, I had to get her steamed bread to satisfy her desire. After that, P came over to have some fun with the little kiddo. Visited some relatives of mine at night and again, Candra had loads of fun exploring the new environment. Sitting, standing, crawling.... :)

CNY Day 3

Woah! CG gathered for our annual CNY visitation. Started off at my place, then off to another 3 different homes. We were so thankful that Candra cooperated with us well... her naps fell at the right places in between stops and she was generally happy throughout all the visits, no cranky behaviour at all. BUT... haha she had so much fun that she cried so badly when the day ended with us putting her to bed last night. She was so so so so upset.... :(

Well, we are hoping she doesn't have "Wednesday Blues" today cos the excitement's all over for now. :)

Oh ya! A few days back, she suddenly hummed the tune of the first line of Amazing Grace. We were stunned cos we had never sung that song to her before... Think it just so happened that she made up that tune herself.. but seriously, we were shocked!! And she repeated "Al-fant" twice on two separate occasions when I said "Elephant"! That shocked me too! haha..Hubby and my sis said they heard her say "Candra" too....hahaha... I did not hear that.

She's been blabbering a lot more these few days.. think she's trying to talk. So cute!

I'm happy :P

2010-02-08T23:08:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted something...maybe to some, that wasn't too long ago...but well..

It's been rough emotionally over these 2 weeks...so that explains the drop in the number of posts.

But I want to thank God for always being so committed to showing me that He truly cares for me :) No matter how rough it may be emotionally, ultimately, God cares.. and that's what matters most.

Just this morning, I decided to give my anxieties about Candra over to God... and I said a little prayer with her before leaving for work..I prayed, "God, please give Candra an enjoyable day at home and keep her away from monday blues". I prayed that cos she's been difficult on a quite a few mondays... thankfully, when I got home, I heard from R that Candra did well the whole day... enjoyed herself, ate her food, kept her routine etc. And I couldn't help but exclaim, "Praise the Lord!"...I felt cared for by God through this answered prayer.

Then a dear dear sister and friend asked me out cos she knew I had to catch up on some quick CNY shopping (mummies would know that its tough to do your own shopping). Yeap, I scooted out after feeding Candra (leaving daddy to put her to bed). Had to catch a cab cos the shops were closing soon... waited for a while... no cab.. then I prayed and a taxi turned up in less than 10 seconds! When I got onto the cab, the uncle told me that he was driving at quite a high speed and nearly missed me.. Oh.. I felt cared for by God again...

Then we went shopping...I needed to get a pair of versatile flats.. but finding a pair which fit my purposes exactly and was worth the money wasn't easy... but thank God, I eventually found a pair.. and thankfully, I managed to buy it at a 20% discount...I'm so glad I managed to buy it on the last day of the sale.. and it was the last pair! :) I'm also really glad my dear sister reminded me to bring my vouchers along before I stepped out of the house! Strictly speaking, I did not spend a single cent on that pair of shoes. hehe

Although I did not manage to get some other stuff which I hoped to get, I think the time was really well spent..looking around. :) I'm happy!

God is good.. all the time.

What's she up to lately? :p

2010-01-24T16:02:00.004+08:00

Candra's 9months old today! :) My girl's growing up..

In the past, when I put her down for her naps and bedtime, I could leave the room and leave her to cry a little before going off to sleep...now I can't do that.. haha. For the past few days, she would remain standing in her baby cot, crying pitifully "mama mama mama" whenever I put her down to bed. She would give me the "mummy, please don't leave me alone" face...which usually melts my heart and cause me to linger a few minutes more before walking out. She's really really adorable.

Now, she'll start crying and behave like a little koala bear trying to run away when I say, "Candra, it's sleeptime".. :) I think she really hates that word.. haha.

For a while, she was rather resistant when we tried to make her sign "please"...but now she does that willingly at times by putting her hand across her chest.. :) I am hoping that she will really learn how to do that more often...cos she loves to scream for more food!

She's been humming all sorts of tunes lately... and we are wondering whether she's actually singing. Sometimes the tune sounds like the "ABC" song... haha!

I am now waiting for the day she can really clap her hands. When we say "clap your hands" (in mandarin), she will usually end up doing "gongxi gongxi"! Looks like she's all geared up to receive angbaos during CNY.

Theme for 2010: Live without regrets

2010-01-19T17:03:00.002+08:00

This is my theme for 2010: "To live without regrets".

I don't know whether it is something that comes with age, or the pace of life is just getting faster. I find my days flying by real quickly..year after year, time just passes like that. Christmas comes and goes, CNY comes and goes, and the cycle goes over and over again.

I am finding it even more important nowadays to cherish time with my loved ones. I know that I can never ask for lost time to be returned to me, so the only way to avoid having to look back at my life and regret at some point is to live "today" without regrets.

What does is mean in practical terms to live without regrets? To me, it generally means planning each day before diving into it and successfully keeping all my 2010 resolutions which relate to work, spiritual health, physical health etc.

I have been a procrastinator all my life so far..I hope that I will be able to kick that attitude in days to come. Procrastination is BAD.......time is certainly wasted procrastinating. On many nights, I will look back on my day regretting this or that...I hope to minimise that this year.

God gave us 2010 for a reason! Let's live it to its fullest :)

Out of the negative emotions trap

2010-01-10T22:36:00.003+08:00

Phew..I am so thankful that God showed me today that I badly needed to get out of the negative emotions trap. I have been trapped in some negative emotions throughout the past week without really being conscious of them until I started noticing that bad eating habits were returning. Basically, I have been eating more junk, taking more sugars, losing the self-control and discipline when it comes to food. Well well.. that's always a pretty good indication for me that something's off in my life.

yup, negative emotions were the root cause. I picked up this book, "Becoming Who God Intended" by David Eckman again 2 days ago. He says this in chapter 2,

"Many people do not realize that an unhappy heart is easy to tempt...Or to put it in other more positive terms, happy people are hard to tempt. The first element in the mood cycle, unhappiness of some sort, is not there. But temptation is powerfully heightened when the heart is hurting and unhappy. That's the first part of the mood cycle. Then, a desire arises that pulls the person away and the last step is wrongdoing or sin. The order of the cycle is mood, desire and then sin."

For me, negative underlying emotions usually result in a loss of self control in eating habits. Guess it differs from person to person. But well, I am thankful that I had the opportunity to acknowledge all the rubbish before God today and let Him take care of them. Felt so much better after doing that...

I think it takes some practice before we can see the cycles in our lives more quickly. When we are trapped in sins and weaknesses, maybe we should ask ourselves, "do I have any underlying emotional problems?"

How are you doing today? :)