I Need Thee Every Hour

It's almost midnight now, but both hubby and I are not asleep yet. We just spent some time talking after putting our kids to bed... and we are still not going to sleep yet because we feel that we need some more personal space. Very often, we unknowingly pressurize ourselves to sleep early because our mind tells us that we need sufficient rest to meet the demands during the day. BUT, sometimes, this kind of pressure makes it even more difficult for us to get restful sleep. So yup, we concluded today that we each need to get some more personal time to relax before turning in, even if it means turning in late. Basically, we want to turn in when our hearts feel more at rest.

Ever since Joshua arrived, I have been running like a machine... this machine runs non-stop during the day, gets some rest at night and then starts running again the next day. There is hardly time to stop, relax, reflect and rest...Thankfully, by God's grace, Joshua started sleeping through the night after the 8plus 9pm feed and dropped his dream feed this week. YEAH! No more night feeds after bedtime at about 9pm. Finally, I can get my continuous night sleep... and he only starts the day at 7plus 8am. All parents yearn for good sleep at night I am sure... and I am super grateful for that now. At least I can rest after the kids are put to bed.

Yesterday, we were at hubby's parents' place... managed to scoot out for a 1 hour M-time...our first M-time since Joshua arrived. Though short, it was better than nothing... Looking forward to more M-time now that Joshua's trained. Can drop the kids at parents' place more easily and scoot out for some M-time.

It's been crazy taking care of the kids and chores at home... well, I am managing..but I am still adjusting. Something else more crazy's coming along... I am going to return to work. Going into office 2 times a week and working from home. Haha.. I know, to mummies out there who have no help, this sounds absolutely crazy. :) I think so too.... Actually, I am a little apprehensive about the whole thing... training Joshua on the bottle now (so far so good), training him to take his naps and follow his routine at my mum's place (so far so good).... Things are moving along as planned.. BUT, I do feel stressed about the whole thing. Seriously............ But for now, seems like I just need to give it a shot. Partly because I don't feel it's time to leave my boss in the lurch yet... well....we shall see... Good thing is, they know that it's probably going to be a temporary thing or are at least prepared for the eventuality that I will be gone.... cos at some point, I will most likely drop it altogether. Pls pray that I will not go crazy and will be able to manage everything by His grace for as long as I need to manage everything on my plate.

In the meantime, I am really really learning to rely on the Lord every moment of my day. Praying to the Lord always has become something inevitable I guess..The hymn, "I need Thee every hour" has also become one of my favourites because that's so so applicable to me.

I need the Lord to help me not raise my voice at the kids or lose my patience when they drive me nuts.

I need the Lord to give me strength to manage the never-ending and repetitive house chores over and above everything else.

I need the Lord to give me joy in the midst of the craziness everyday.

I need the Lord to heal me when I feel sick or on the verge of falling sick (sometimes, I feel that mommies can NEVER fall ill).

I need the Lord to take away my worries about the future work arrangement and to grant me the courage to just take things a step at a time as He leads me.

I need the Lord to give me the peace and confidence every night to know that His mercies for me tomorrow will be brand new.

I need Thee every hour.

Almost there :)

Joshua's at his 11th week,

Routine's more or less there and sleep training's more or less there too. For the past 2 days, he has been taking longer naps... still some crying and whimpering during the naps, but it's more for settling to sleep at the start of sleep cycles. I think he has more or less learnt how to get back to sleep after exiting from one sleep cycle :), hoping he will just get better at it.

Slept through for the first time last night. Last feed at 1130pm, first feed this morning at 710am. There was some crying and whimpering at 530am which lasted for slightly more than half and hour, but I sort of knew that he was not crying for milk. He did eventually settle back to sleep I believe and woke up in the morning for his usual first feed.

Now I am hoping he is really going to consistently sleep through the night, cos I have been feeling so tired this week. I think I have reached my limit for lack of continuous sleep at night. I feel like zombie every morning and I can hardly play with Candra. It does not help that there usually isn't time for me to take a proper nap in the morning. Oh...I really hope he is sleeping through already. Since he did not make it at the usual 7-9weeks like his sister, I am really hoping he makes it between 10-12weeks.

Feels like all the hard work's just worth it. He is playing much better now during his waketime. Less fussiness cos he is well-rested from the naps and less crying throughout the day in general. He is starting to smile quite a bit and he makes cooing sounds :p I have been waiting so long for this day....... this boy's training process was really tough I must say.

His routine now looks like this:

715am - feeding then waketime

815am - nap 1

1050am -feeding then waketime

12pm - nap 2

245pm - feeding then waketime

350pm - nap 3

6pm - feeding then waketime

715pm - nap 4

8pm - waketime

9pm - feeding and bedtime

1130pm - dreamfeed

Summary of little J's progress with sleep training for naps

Weeks 5 - 8:

Joshua: Hard persistent cries... "Mummy, I don't want to sleep!" or "Mummy, I don't know how to sleep by myself!" or "Mummy, please carry me to sleep".....

Dad/Mum: Go into his room on and off, pick him up to help him burp, then put him back until the next feeding time. Sometime in week 8, we realised it was not a good idea to go in too much because he would cry even louder, decided to lengthen the intervals and sometimes not go in at all.

Week 9:

Joshua: Sleeps 20/30/45mins (one sleep cycle) by himself and hard persistent cries after waking up... "Mummy, I have slept on my own and woken up, come pick me out of the baby cot, nap time is OVER!"

Dad/Mum: After he awakes, continue to leave him in the cot and only pick him up occasionally until the next feeding time. "No, no, nap time is not over :("

Week 10:

Joshua: Sleeps 20/30/45mins (one sleep cycle) and little hard crying thereafter, just long whimpers and whines while attempting to sleep some more but not often successful. "Mummy, I slept on my own and I have woken up, I am trying to get back to sleep again but it's hard :("

Dad/Mum: After he awakes, continue to let him try learning to go back to sleep another cycle or 2, sometimes he fails and whimpers till the next feed, sometimes he succeeds in sleeping somemore.

It's been a tough journey.. but as we look back and now analyse our boy's progress, we are thankful that he has been learning and till now, still making progress. We are now waiting for the final phase of the training to be completed i.e. when he succeeds in getting himself back to sleep after one sleep cycle for all naps. Though he gets the idea bit by bit, we are grateful for whatever progress he has made. While going through Joshua's training, I have come to realise how difficult it is for children to learn to take longer naps.

I love this promise from God in Isaiah 54:13:

¹³ All your children will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be their peace.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

This week, Joshua seems a little more stable... naps are improving I think. At least now there is much less hard crying from him (just whines) and he does try to take longer naps. Hoping he just gets better at it. I think he is getting the idea of long naps (i.e. that there is no point crying in the baby cot and that he should just try to sleep). I am looking forward to even more stability from him, which would help him sleep through the night sooner I believe.

Although he is my second child, I still find myself rather green at this whole establishing the routine thinggie. Guess what makes it more difficult is that both my children take a longer time to stabilise as a result of their longer sleep training period and initial poor napping habits. Whatever the case, I am glad we are still persevering.. past 2 nights, he managed to just take one feed in the middle of the night...hoping it will stay this way until that feed disappears.

God taught me an important lesson as a parent. Be patient, persevere and surrender all expectations to God. I came to realise that my anxieties earlier on were largely caused by my own expectations as to when things should fall into place. Maybe because Candra's routine and sleeping through happened earlier, so I was sort of expecting things to be the same if not easier. The process turned out to be more difficult and longer this time round. The fears of chaos, hard crying in the day and fatigue caused me to keep expecting and hoping for quick results. When I finally decided to just accept that Joshua would take a longer time and yield ALL expectations to God, the anxieties and fears more or less went away. I just told myself, "persevere no matter how long the training would take, someday he would eventually learn. Accept the temporary chaos and fatigue."

I am thankful for the change of perspective. Though I am still getting interrupted sleep at night and his daytime naps and routine are not all perfect, I am feeling better than before by being less stubborn.

God's been teaching me so much about patience and hoping in Him through life's circumstances lately.

The daily devotions with Candra (using her kid's devotional) helps tremendously. Now, I will try to memorise the verse everyday to take my mind off negative thinking and I must say that the verses have helped me through each day. It's easy for a parent to think that the kid's devotion time is for the child...I have come to make those precious devotions with her my own too.. and I really do learn quite a bit, though the truths are taught in a very simple manner.

I have been trying to distract myself with other things too to help myself move away from depression. We have been inviting people over to our place quite a bit.. usually after 9pm when kids have gone to bed. I have come to realise that I do need to expend some energies elsewhere in order to be happy. :) I don't quite like the idea of just focusing on the kids, their routine, training etc on a daily basis.... drives me crazy quite easily.. haha

Well, God has been good... as always.. I know that.. and He will definitely see me through no matter how tough things might seem at the moment. :)