Symptoms of 3rd Trimester

Slowing moving into my 3rd trimester.

Feeling some new symptoms like water retention, backaches...and the anxieties seem to be returning.

Haven't been swimming cos I took so long to get my swimsuit. Thank God I managed to get one at just $26++ haha :) (after 30% discount and using $20 voucher). That was another of God's blessing.

The anxieties of childbirth, afterbirth care are beginning to surface...for a while, I think I was just suppressing them and trying to be strong. But I felt so much better after acknowledging them and getting in touch with how I am really feeling. Bringing them all to the Lord, even in tears, brings about so much comfort.

I think many a times, living in this harsh world, we easily come up with our own coping mechanisms. We hardly have time to get in touch with our true selves...and pour out our genuine fears and anxieties. We wear masks in front of others and "look ok" when deep inside, we may not be. It's important to be real and it's ok to be vulnerable.

God is our refuge and strength, our ever-present help in times of trouble.

It's truly comforting to know that we can always lean on Him, no matter how we feel. :)

THANK GOD!

After the long break since Christmas Eve, I really had no mood to chiong for work today. But because I knew I had work to do, I felt rather stressed last night...Moreover, my boss just returned from a long holiday, a big part of me was worried that he would start pressing me for stuff.

Right after I got out of bed this morning, I told hubby thru SMS my struggle...and deep inside my heart, I hoped that the day would be a non-stressful one.

Thank God.. I am now at the end of the day and I am truly grateful that God heard my request for this day to be a non-stressful one. Boss voluntarily assumed responsibility for a hearing this afternoon... I just tagged along.. PHEW.. no pressure from him with deadlines so far... little pieces of work have been completed throughout the day.

I am so relieved...ever since I got pregnant, I have been very very very averse to stress. It's always a blessing to be able to go through a day smoothly without putting the little princess in my tummy through too much stress and anxiety. Thank God.

I have to clear my last 2 days of leave...and yup.. I am only left with 30 Dec and 31 Dec 2008 to play around with, no choice... :p So yup, probably won't be coming into office tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, except for the company lunch! OH ya.. and 1 January's a public holiday!:) Thank God...that means more rest for me...yeah!

God knows our needs.

Blessed Christmas 2008 :)

Went for a surprise birthday party cum Christmas Eve party yesterday! Had a great time, eating, having fun, exchanging presents etc :)

This year, I particularly enjoy the process of receiving and shopping for little gifts. The process of getting a little gift for a loved one is a sweet one.. :p I am not a 'gifts' sort of person, but I guess this year, I have learnt to pick up the love language of "giving gifts".

But why do we give one another gifts? Why is this season known as a "season of giving"? Because our loving Heavenly Father gave us the GREATEST GIFT OF ALL - OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.

Went for a Christmas service this morning by myself...cos I wanted to pause from all the partying and busyness etc...and truly ponder over the true meaning of Christmas. Singing all the classic Christmas hymns, "Silent Night, Holy Night", "Joy to the Word", "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing", "O Come All Ye Faithful"...it was truly enjoyable.

The speaker shared this message which really touched my heart, "A Three-in-One gift"...

Jesus is our LIGHT in our DARKNESS.

Jesus is our LIVING WATER in our DESERTPLACE.

Jesus is our SHELTER in our STORMS.

Are you similarly touched by our Lord's great love this Christmas? He came to bear our sins on the Cross, so that you and I may walk with Him eternally.

Blessed Christmas my dear friends!

The Eleventh Hour

Attended parts of the JYF camp over the past few days :) It's a good camp. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

Every JYFer is adorable and lovable hahahaha :p I had a lot of fun and enjoyed myself.

I learnt from the sermons on "The Eleventh Hour" too... and it was moving to see so many respond to the altar call at the end of the last sermon.

I hope everyone had fun, bonded together and learnt from His Word through the few days.

Been reading the papers... youths nowadays are really exposed to lots of evil...from a very young age. It's really sad...my prayer's that the Lord will raise up a generation of youth leaders who will stand for truth all their lives.

Theme verse of the camp,

Revelations 22:12-13
12"Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done. 13I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."

Little princess

Doc says we are going to have a little princess :p hehe...Nice...:)

Saw her tiny body, legs, hands, eye sockets, nose etc at the last detailed scan. It's still so amazing.

Now, it's time to think of her name...that's a tough one.

Many people ask me whether we prefer to have a boy or a girl...well.. :) I think it's really wonderful either way. God-given either way right :p and God knows what's best. We just need to embrace His gift with complete joy and anticipation.

In the midst of the uncertainties of carrying a child.. I am just thankful that God is in complete control.

More more blessings :)

I am already in a holiday mood :) hehehe

I want to thank God for....

1. All the kind souls who have given up their seats to me on MRT rides. Lately, I don't have to stand during any of the MRT rides, not even for 2 stops.

2. The couple who had previously sold us a lot of baby stuff at their garage sale called hubby 3 days back and told us they wanted to give us more things for FREE! hehe...they gave us 1) a stroller; 2) Bigger car seat; and 3) speakers for our living room and bedroom! Yippee!!! All for free. :) [Photos will be uploaded soon]

2. I thought I had to rush a piece of work by today, before leaving for Malaysia tomorrow but boss told me today that I actually have some more time to work on it. :) hehe.

3. There was supposed to be a hearing sometime next week right after I am back from Malaysia...Was quite upset that I had to think about it during the trip. But...the court informed us that its been pushed to a later later date! Bingo!

4. The church camp will be so much fun!

I am so glad that I can now really relax and look forward to the holiday! Yeah yeah!

It's the little one's first trip to Malaysia. haha

Changes...

my life's changing...transiting.

Sometimes, it's hard to adapt to the changes in lifestyle that comes along with pregnancy.

Especially when I am a person who loves to bounce around...go outdoors...meet up with loads of ppl...

This 'slowing down' in my lifestyle...activities etc...can be difficult at times.

But I felt much better after talking to God about it last night. Knowing that He has His beautiful plans for me, and that there is a beautiful purpose behind all that I am going through...makes everything a lot easier.

I got to keep reminding myself, "it's all worth it"...though I cannot yet see the end of the road...

Persevere, persevere...

And like hubby always says, "Learn to enjoy the process :)"

the most beautiful dog :)

:) this is my dog. Ain't she cute.

My elder sis adopted her some time back.

Not quite sure how old she is now.

She was abandoned and picked up at some HDB estate. Poor thing.. :p Now she has found herself a permanent home. And I tell u... she loves everybody at home.

She is a super intelligent dog. She now knows how to pull away the comforter before sleeping on the bed (although she is NOT supposed to be found on the bed!! Argh). She knows how to push the gate when it is not latched and slip out. She understands words like, "drink water", "follow me".

She will pull little tricks on you. For eg. when I get back, she knows I don't want her to jump on me. She will first pretend to be really sweet and walk away without jumping, seconds later, she will charge at me and "JUMP"!!! hahaha

My younger sis is now away in China, when she calls back and we put her on speaker phone, this cute little one will sit quietly by the side and listen to the conversation.

We think she is the prettiest doggie.. with a beautiful coat of fur. And she is really really intelligent. Her name is FARNIA.

Try to adopt a dog, if u really want a pet. This will save one doggie from being put to death.

Motherhood = Sacrifices

I just bought this book yesterday, "The Mission of Motherhood".

Currently in the process of reading it. It's a good and easy read. The author Sally Clarkeson is an experienced mother. I enjoy her writing style.. she writes of her own humble experiences and interacts with her readers.

Here are just a few lessons I have learnt so far:

1. Women should not think that they can build a successful career and home at the same time - it's just not possible

2. Motherhood is a noble calling and calls for A LOT A LOT of sacrifices

3. God's design for a mother is this: "her home is her priority"

4. A child, by definition, requires a lot of his/her mother's time. Therefore, a mother should not expect to retain her own time and must expect interruptions.

It's about GIVING... giving almost everything.

As I always say, "having a child is not like having a toy".

I am so sure that it's going to be tough... learning to live out God's design for mothers. We are by nature selfish. It's not going to be easy learning to GIVE UP and to GIVE. O God, help me...

But I think one must first come to a point of being willing to embrace God's design... only then, will the learning process be much more enjoyable.

Honestly, I am quite scared, worried that I won't be able to learn the lessons well... so do pray for me ya :)

Past midnight

It's 12:20pm at night and I have just finished typing an email with rather difficult content.

I was trying so hard to get to sleep.. but somehow, I just could not stop thinking about an issue..it kept bugging me.

I decided to stop wrestling with the Lord and to switch on the computer and start typing out everything which I feel compelled to say.

It's going to take super a lot of courage to send that email.

"O Lord, what am I to do?"

Honestly, sometimes I attest to the statement, "Ignorance is bliss". This is always how I feel during such times, but well well.. I know that eventually, I will just have to accept the way things are and let Him lead me to do what He wants me to do.

Fat or pregnant? :p

Haha. it's funny, there are still people who do not dare to ask me whether I am pregnant for fear that I have just grown fat after years of not seeing me.

Some say my stomach is quite big for 4.5months, some say it's small...conflicting opinions.

Been feeling bloated everyday, although I may not have had a lot of food. Feels like the food just never gets digested. The difficult part is that I cannot stop eating just because I feel bloated. Argh..!!! Uncomfortable.

Been having super unhealthy cravings lately:

1. Cheese flavoured Roller Coaster by Jack n Jill
2. Ice-cream

Haha.. on one night, hubby had to go out to get me a) chee cheong fan b) a packet of Roller Coaster and c) a tub of ice-cream at 11pm! Weird combination huh.. but what to do.. I was craving for all 3 of them. :P Well... at least I did not make hubby go out to get them at 3am. hahaha

That was very nice of him.

Don't get me wrong.. I don't torture him like that all the time...:) Just occasionally *hee hee*

He is faithful

God's been faithful :) Everything's been going on fine.

2nd trimester is much easier than the 1st. Much more energy.. and less mood swings I think.

Sleep's been getting disrupted though, by the trips to the toilet.. and some nights, I will have many many many weird dreams. I guess that's still pretty normal. :p Still thankful that I can get good rest for most of the days.

Last night wasn't that good.. so I woke up feeling really tired. Appetite today's not as good too. Ah well, but thank God I have the energy to focus at work. Managed to accomplish the tasks I set out to do in the morning before the day started.

God spoke about rest 2 days back.. in the midst of overwhelming needs and ministry.. rest is what we all need..before we start our engines again. It's easy to move ahead of the Lord and get ourselves all tired. Direction and focus is what we need.

Hubby's been really caring and understanding. No complaints at all from him.. ever so willing to sacrifice for his 'Ms Preggie' (he calls me that all the time! Argh! :p) haha.

God is good, all the time.

Updates

Visited doc again yesterday :)

Baby is now about 16.5 weeks old.

At about 4 weeks - 0.21cm

At about 8 weeks - 1.77cm

At about 12 weeks - 5.78cm

At about 16 weeks - 9.78 cm, waistline of about 11.5cm (Doc says the little one is a little chubby)

It was really amazing watching (through the scan) the little one move around so actively.. doing hi-fives here and there.. haha.. kicking the little legs.. :) Doc had a hard time trying to find out the gender of the little one cos he/she was not really cooperative.. haha

Been rather paranoid, before the checkup, about the growth of the little one cos many tell me that my tummy's not really showing... guess I got to have more faith in God. That's what technology does to us I think, without seeing with our own eyes...we worry. People in the past did not have that luxury.. so they were more forced to 'live by faith' I think. It's not easy.. but its a lesson that I have to learn consistently throughout this 9 months.

Anyway, I want to thank God for His grace, protection and providence.

On a separate note.. I am feeling super tired today.... 2nd tranches of sleep in the nights have always been poorer...i wonder why.. :(

Unexpected blessings!

:) Last sat, we came across a notice which said "Garage sale". Neighbours, expatriates will be leaving Singapore in Dec. They were selling almost everything in their house. We bought loads of baby stuff from them. The both of us do not enjoy shopping at all.. so it was such a blessing to be able to get so much stuff in one place. Not much choices, so that makes the 'shopping' even easier. :) haha

Got everything at just a price of S$188.00!!!! It's crazy...and the items are still in rather good condition. Some of them brand new. Cost savings for us! Blessings from God :p

God truly provides in His miraculous ways! :) We were and still are very excited! haha.

Sometimes, the thought of having to shop around for all the baby stuff with a big tummy makes me feel really tired.. haha...so I am really happy that this one garage sale has saved me some time.. and definitely some $$. :)

What a joke :P

Had craving for Mee Siam during lunch today...but after contemplating for quite a while, I decided to go for fish soup noodles instead because it is more nutritious than Mee Siam.

Went to dad's office to have lunch and decided to be content with the fish soup noodles...dad went out to get his own lunch. I made this comment to mummy, "Daddy had better not buy mee siam for his lunch ok...haha"

Guess what? Of all types of food, daddy really chose to buy mee siam from that particular stall! Argh!! I was shocked and amused at the same time.

We laughed over it.

Well.. :) what a coincidence!

Eventually, I did have a little bit of mee siam :p

The wonder of getting an MRT seat :p

I was super super super super tired from work yesterday but had to make our usual visit to SK for dinner.

I prayed again, for an MRT seat.. cos the journey's going to be real long...apparently WG prayed about that too. :)

Bingo! We did not have to make a detour to Habour Front to secure a seat, I just managed to find a seat when we boarded at Outram! When I sat down, we smiled at each other.. :p knowing that it was yet another answered prayer. haha

Thank God.

Well, if u r wondering why this mrt seat thing is such a big thing to me now...haha...wait till u r pregnant (if u r a girl) or wait till your wife is pregnant (if u r a boy) haha :P

Feeling exhausted today

I slept quite a bit last night and the night before... but I still feel exhausted today.

Guess it's because work has been rather intense and hectic over the past week...

Weekend was good...but tiring too...

Watching Talentime was really wonderful and enjoyable, but I felt tired after that.

Sunday was well spent...catching up with some people...but that took some energy too.

:( Hai... I feel like going on a holiday now...especially when I know work's going to be more hectic until the beginning of Nov. Argh!...

My engine's down today... so work's been very slow...ah well, I guess that can't be helped. Afterall, we all need time to recuperate. :)

Somewhat enlightened...

Lately, hubby and I have been thinking about many issues pertaining to the future...finally decided to obtain some counsel.

Visited M & M yesterday and had dinner with their children O & T as well. :) We felt very welcomed and at home with the family. I was very touched by the whole session with them...their approach was very similar to that of our 2 other mentors. They listened, listened and listened...and made us feel so comfortable to share our deepest thoughts. They were not hasty to prescribe any formulas/solutions, but assured us time and again that they would pray for us. That meant so much to us...

From our session with them, I discovered a few things:

1. Everyone has a personal walk with the Lord and everyone has a unique experience
2. Every family has its unique sets of circumstances and calling
3. The most important foundation is to make every decision together in unity and walk in step with the Lord TOGETHER

I am a person who formulates many ideals...once I have formulated them, I can become really inflexible...and perfectionist. Some ideals are formulated through comparison with others...etc...

But last night, the both of them helped me realise that some of my ideals may be causing me too much stress and I was reminded once again that God can work and provide in a myriad of ways.

The time with them was so fruitful, precious and encouraging.

Once again, I was blessed with an opportunity to feel affirmed as a unique individual and to be encouraged to reach out for God's unique plans for us.

Random thoughts...

Thank God, all the bundles of documents etc have been churned out just in time. It's been a rather big logistics nightmare at work. Lots to coordinate...But thank God, it's all been smooth-going. Some slight stresses here and there, but not too bad.

Now that all's been done and submitted, I feel so tired.. and I want to rest, before starting another rather hectic week next week. More bundless...for another case.

Went to my sec sch friend's wake last night... there were lots of young people at the funeral. And that was a rare and upsetting sight. I went home feeling such a strong sense that life is short and fragile. Many things can happen and happen so suddenly. My friend departed suddenly, with absolutely no one expecting it...

Indeed, security can only be found in the eternal God alone...

More nutritious food :)

Here's a list of the more nutritious food I have been eating, mostly prepared by my mummy:

1. Black chicken herbal soup
2. Chicken with 'bei3 chong2 cao3' soup
3. Ginseng drink
4. Homemade soya bean drink (Apparently, grandma made a lot of this for mummy when she was pregnant with me)
5. Muesli bars as snack (given by my gu1 gu1)

I hope all the good stuff are being absorbed into my body and more importantly, absorbed by the little one ;p

I thank God for the people who are taking care of my diet, especially my mummy! :)

More energy yipee :)

Someone told me that at some point of the pregnancy, I will feel less tired.

True enough, lately I have been feeling more energetic. Although there will still be days when I feel really sleepy throughout the day...but that's not the norm anymore. For once, I really thank God for energy. haha ;p but of course, I still make sure I get a lot of sleep at night. Been sleeping about 9 hours per day I think, although with interruptions at night.

Hmm..diet wise, not too good lately. I am also not really super conscious about what I am eating. Honestly, some of the healthier foods turn me off... and I would rather not eat. Naughty mummy :o Been trying to eat when I can... some healthy stuff here and there of course. Guess I can do better...

Just came back from dinner with a very dear mentoree of mine...RB :) We had a good time catching up over dinner...it's been a long while since we last chatted like that. It was really enjoyable. Thank God for giving us relationships to enjoy!

Loads of catching up to do with different people.. but I guess I got to take it slow, one at a time...can't be overstretching myself during this season, can I. haha

Little things to thank God for :)

On friday, I had a super tiring day at work, cos I was concentrating in front of the comp almost throughout the day. After work, I had to head to church for worship prac. Whilst walking towards the MRT station, I prayed, "Lord, I am super tired, please help me find a seat on the train, if possible." I said "if possible" cos usually the train is super crowded at that hour and it's unlikely I would be able to find a seat. Guess what! just 2 stops down, someone stood up, got off the train, and surprisingly, NO ONE WANTED TO SIT DOWN! the seat was quite far from where I was standing.. and I GOT THE SEAT, for the next 7 stops! I was super elated!

Last night, I had a lot of trouble sleeping because of acid reflux. Sat up for about an hour because I could not lie down...and it was really quite upsetting. Finally, I cried out to the Lord, "Lord, I am super tired and I want to sleep. Please let the discomfort go away when I lie down." Guess what! I went to the bed, laid down and ..... within seconds, I fell asleep... quite soundly. :) I was amazed when I woke up this morning and I am reminded by this verse:

Psalm 127:2
In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves.

There are many more such little encounters...:)

God cares for us...and He is just a prayer away.

Recent thoughts... :)

Everything's been going well.

Save that I am vomitting at times because of the iron supplement that doc has instructed me to take :(

Baby was 5.28cm on 4 October 2008. Saw the little hands and legs through the scan. The bridge of the nose, umbilical cord etc... it's amazing! All praises be to God, who causes the little one to grow. Seriously, there's just this much a mum can do to take care of herself and ensure that the baby grows well. With all the different symptoms, it can be really tough trying to make sure everything is perfect. In the midst of all these, I am constantly reminded to trust that the little one's growth is in the Lord's hands :p

Reading a book which is a gift from a dear sister, "Praying for your unborn child". It's pretty good I must say :) Will share more thoughts on what i have read in time to come. Suffice to say, I have come to realise that it's super important for us to start cultivating a safe, secure and loving environment for the little one. This would entail learning how to cope with negative thoughts and stress which come once in a while.

Another major area which we are seeking the Lord about is the possibility of my being a stay-at-home mum :) Major lessons which we are learning through this process...but it's all worthwhile!

Thanks be to God for everything so far. Because He is in control, we can daily rest in His goodness and grace.

Sour stuff... yum yum

hehe...been having new cravings lately...all sour stuff

1. Sour plums
2. Sour lemon/Super lemon sweets
3. Sour grapes
4. Lime/lemon juice

Now I finally understand why people say that pregnant women like to eat sour stuff. Its so real.. haha

Hubby's been patient with me... and he tries his best to satisfy my cravings... :p haha...poor thing.

Argh! Running out of clothes in the closet! It's a headache everyday... it doesn't help that I dun really enjoy shopping... ah well... time to change my wardrobe!

Let go..n move on...

I am grieving over something which I know is completely out of my hands.

Although I am well aware that the outcome is not up to me, its still immensely upsetting to know that the outcome is not what I hoped for.

All I can say now is that I have done my part and there's really nothing more that can be done. It's time to move on and just release the whole matter to God.

Tough...but that's us, humans.

Now I got to focus on going through the pregnancy well...and not let the painful emotions linger for too long.

Oh oh :( Symptoms are changing...!

For the past few days, I have been feeling more nauseous. No real vomitting...but feels nauseous at times. Been eating quite a bit of orange peel..haha. Oh oh... I thought I am just moving out of the 1st trimester and things should get better..Ah!!!!!

Feeling less tired lately but starting to experience backaches and occasional cramps in the leg. Ah!!!!!!

haha..:) Ah well...I guess I shan't complain too much..afterall, things have been generally ok! Must thank God and be contented haha.

WG always says, "Enjoy the whole process, once the baby is born, you will not get to experience all that..." haha.. eh... guess its true that its a unique experience to be enjoyed :p

Sneezing all day long

The weather's been quite crazy I think.

Hard to sleep through the night because of varying temperatures. Tried sleeping in an air-con room but my nose gives way in the morning. Sigh.. when will such days be over. Been using so much tissue paper in office everyday. I think my colleagues must be tired of hearing me sneeze everyday.

For a while, I was worried over the fact that I have been catching colds here n there during the pregnancy...until a sister told me that it's somewhat normal cos of the physical changes happening in my body. Well... no matter what, I want to try keeping myself free from illnesses.

Fatigue is a recurring problem...feel like sleeping ALL THE TIME. haha..Oh..I need strength and grace from God to pull through this new day..

Food craving

What have I craved for so far? :p

1. Nasi Lemak
2. Rice Cake
3. Beef Hor Fun
4. Duck noodles
5. Wanton noodles
6. Chicken Rice
7. Mos Burger
8. Macs breakfast
9. Nonya dumpling
10. Fried bee hoon
11. Mee sua soup
12. Japanese rice set

haha...it's a long list.. because I crave for something different every meal. haha

In a new phase of life

Many would already know by now that I have entered into a new phase of life.

The life of carrying another little life in myself :)

It's been slightly more than 2 months.

These 2 months have been marked by emotional ups and downs, fatigue, poor appetite etc.. the usual symptoms :p But thank God, I am adjusting to them pretty ok.

It was tough initially, but I think the notion of being a mother is slowly setting in. As I have told many people, it's good that God decided that the whole process would take 9 months.. and not 9 days. haha! If it was any shorter, I think it would be real tough.. cos it takes time to adjust to a new phase of life. God knows best.

It's a phase of learning not to take things too hard.. lest it affects the little one. A phase of re-learning what faith in our loving Abba Father means.

I thank God for a supportive husband who is sensitive to my needs in such a phase.. and also for people around me who shower me with care.

I want to especially mention those who have helped me satisfy my cravings for food! :) hahahaha

Cute, sleepy and funny baby

A life that glorifies God

Lately, there has been some updates on the papers about Billy Wang.

Apparently, he is now suffering from a relapse of his cancer.

This news has set me thinking and reflecting about the lessons learnt from Cat and Dog Theology in church recently.

God has allowed him to be healed from cancer for a number of years and used him to testify to His love and glory through supporting and caring for cancer patients. Now, God has allowed him to suffer from a relapse.

Is he feeling resentful now? Resentful against God etc...apparently not. From what I have read, he is facing up to the situation at hand and even making preparations for his own funeral. I believe he is hoping that the funeral would be yet another opportunity to impact lives.

He is suffering, no doubt, but God probably allowed this to happen because his death would bring about greater glory for Him. Just as his healing for the past years has brought Him much glory as well.

I don't know what his funeral would be like, but somehow, the recent news set me thinking...

Christians are not free from suffering, neither are we absolved from facing death. But the difference lies in how we approach life with its realities and glorify our Father in heaven.

Honestly, I think its hard to be a "dog" who seeks to glorify God in all circumstances. Some pain just seems too hard to bear... but well, I am constantly challenged to remember that,

"It's never about us"

Dogs for adoption

Dear friends, if you are interested, do let me know :)

Answered prayers

:) 2 answered prayers today.

One for B and one for D&G!

He hears and He answers!

Have u talked to God? :P

Happy Daoshi day!:)

Before I forget, I would like to make special mention of the mini celebration at JYF last sat.

It was filled with loads of fun...and I must say that this Daoshi Day is one of the most memorable ones all these years. (Haha..don't think we usually celebrate daoshi day in the first place)

I appreciate the effort put in by all of them..:p From the games, to the sharing, to the beautiful gifts. I especially loved the gifts...personalised messages from each one of them. Each message was an encouragement to me.

I thank God for keeping each JYFer in this family.

I thank God for the growth that I see in each one of them.

I thank God for their willingness to be taught and guided.

I thank God for their willingness to discipline themselves in QT and prayer.

I thank God for their desire to become more Christ-like.

I thank God for every single life in JYF :)

To my dear JYFers: "Thank you for loving us daoshis haha :p"

New songs everyday :)

It's interesting.

Recently, different songs have been coming to mind each day. Some oldies which I have not sung for a long long time come to mind all of a sudden.

And the singing starts early in the morning...once I get out of bed :) haha

Looks like the spirit of singing songs all day long has returned :) Which is a good thing. Keeps my mind off bad stuff..haha

Adjustments, changes, difficult times

Haven't been blogging much lately because of some changes and adjustments in my life.

I will give an update soon :)

It hasn't been easy on my end...stressed, overwhelmed. Lost in the midst of the negative emotions and thoughts.

But I know my dear Lord is with me and has not forsaken me. I know He loves and cares for me.

Something came to mind this morning, maybe due to the way I was brought up since young, it's easier to relate to the Master-Servant relationship with God and less of the Father-child relationship. His tender loving care towards me is something less familiar to me. And all these years, I have learning and grappling with this truth, that God loves me with deep compassion and tender loving care.

I need to rest, to rest in His loving arms and to know that He loves, protects and keeps me from all harm.

He has everything in His hands.. :)

Sometimes, I get a super strong feeling that every detail of my life is in God's hands. He has every detail planned out for me...everyday. :)

I am so thankful that the hearing on 22 August 2008 has been re-scheduled to 28 October 2008. God knew that I needed to have the hearing postponed really badly and He made it happen. He never fails to know my needs.

Was supposed to have worship prac last night, but it had to be shifted to friday for some reason. It so happened that I was down with a cold yesterday...and I felt so ill. Thank God the worship prac was shifted to friday. If not, I would not know how to pull through the practice in that state. God knows my needs.

God cares...:p

Loved

Woke up in the morning to see hubby's letter for me on the table.. took a train down to office, received a call from my little angel (not knowing what she was up to)...exited from the MRT station to see the two little angels, xiaomei and LY waiting for me with a cup of soyabean drink from Mr Bean and breakfast from Cedele :) I was so pleasantly surprised and that really made my day.

Read an email from someone really dear to me, living far away from Singapore...My two dear ex-colleagues met me up for lunch at my favourite Ramen shop to celebrate my birthday. Had an enjoyable time with them too.

Not to mention the many messages from my loving family and friends. :p

Oh ya.. it's the birthday of my cute doggie, Farnia! Happy Birthday Farnia!

To all who have been showering me with so much love and care...THANK YOU! All of you have helped me experience the love of God :)

Oh ya.. I must say something about my dearest JYFers :) They came over to my place on sat to cook..haha..made good use of my kitchen. Most importantly, they took so much iniative to clear up the place for me, wash the dishes, mop the floor etc. Because of that, I did not have to stay up late to clean the house. I felt touched by those gestures. Well done JYFers! Keep up the good work :)

A season for rest

been feeling rather tired recently. Physically, emotionally, mentally etc...been feeling exhausted.

Too much has been going on lately, in all areas of life. Feel like it's time to slow down and rest. Was reminded of the story of Martha and Mary yesterday. Guess it's always important to be careful not to become like Martha...who was busy with many things and distracted. Mary chose that which was good, which was to sit at the feet of Jesus to listen.

Maybe I have been like Martha, which explains why I have been feeling so exhausted.

God answered another prayer today (regarding work), which somewhat lifted a heavy burden. :) The answer came with some waiting on my part... the waiting period was tough, cos I wondered, "would He answer my request with a positive?" The anxiety was not lifted somewhat because I doubted. Now that the answer has come, I am grateful but at the same time, I am wondering whether I should have had more faith.

Ah well.. whatever the case is, I am so glad now...and my heart is more rested.

Sometimes I wish I can cope with stress better.

Beyond our control...

Had a great time praying together with 10 other brothers and sisters in CG on National Day. It was an enjoyable time because it was a time when we all learnt to leave everything to God and trust Him to do the work. There was nothing of ourselves...

Lately, I have been faced with situations beyond my control...ranging from stuff at work to what's going on in my life and the life of others around me. A brother recently shared with me that God's been showing him his limitations. I think the same goes for me. We both agreed that such times drive us to our knees.

When we come to our end, that's when God begins.

God never intended for us to bear so many burdens...This reminds me of a verse,

Matthew 11:28-29
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

True rest

I just re-watched Sweet Home Alabama. Nice show... :) Very sweet...

Home alone tonight cos hubby's out night cycling with a whole bunch of people. He loves to cycle... night cycling just excites him like crazy. A pity I can't really cycle well...so figured I should not go on the roads and become a road hazard. :) haha. He must be having loads of fun right now...cycling, cycling, cycling! :) :)

It's been a tough week for me cos of stress from a case at work. Still learning to trust God and not worry too much... but looks like the anxiety's getting over me a little. Chose to watch the movie to de-stress...but now it's left me wondering whether it really helps... well, maybe it takes my mind off the stress a little.. but not permanently.

True rest can only be found in the Lord. Anything else is but a means of finding escape from the stress. We try to cope with life through food, entertainment, etc... but only Jesus gives us true joy, peace and hope.

Well, guess it's time to plug myself to the real source.

Give thanks

Feeling rather tired today...plus undergoing some stress at work. Stress is caused by negative thinking and worries. So God reminded me to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"..and "not to be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus".

Actually I prayed for some stuff relating to work last night... but God did not answer them today. Instead, the outcome was quite unexpected. What did I learn from that? That God is sovereign and that He has chosen not to answer my prayers for reasons only known to Him, and that He has chosen to do so for my good. That perspective helped me to give thanks more easily. :) Maybe He will still answer my prayers.. but not now. Who knows? :p

Well.. the stress may still hit once in a while..but I guess I will just take a step at a time.

DPA has started today! 9 hours around the clock... :p exciting!

Happy 1st Year!

Yesterday was our first wedding anniversary! :)

We each had a bowl of super nice ramen.. only $13.00 per bowl! And WG managed to get a shirt from G2000 at a very good price! We talked...shared a little on how we feel about our 1st year together as h&w. That was a mini celebration! haha..

We did not have much of a mood to do anything really special or big yesterday because we were so tired after a day's work... :) Moreover, the big celebration is due next friday! Yippee!! We both managed to take leave! Looking forward to that.. haha

Well, all in all.. we are very grateful to God for sustaining and growing us together as one. :P All praises be to our loving Father!

No more yummy favourites.. :(

It's confirmed that I have allergy to dairy products.

So from now on, "byebye" to yummy favourites like...

1. Macdonald's ice-cream
2. Creamy mushroom pasta or carbonara pasta
3. BK mushroom swiss burger
4. Caesar salad or any salad with salad cream/thousand island cream
5. Milk
6. Yogurt
7. Ham and Cheese sandwich
8. Tuna/chicken/seafood mayo sandwich
9. Chocolates
...and so many more foods....:(

Sad... I am forced to refrain from my favourites...so sad.

I ate lots of prawns when I was young..then allergy started at the age of 12. Now I am down with another type of allergy. Oh dear..Guess I have just been eating too unhealthily.

Answered prayers - God is real

Praise God!

Had a matter today which was scheduled for trial of at least 2 days. After analysing it with boss, I told him, it would be better if the matter could be settled.

Well, I prayed very hard that it would be settled especially since boss hasn't been feeling well and is probably not up to it. Given the nature of the case, I prayed that God would work in the hearts of the parties so that they would arrive at an amicable settlement and not fight. I also prayed that the judge would be wise in helping them arrive at a settlement.

Guess what! Praise God! It was really settled... :) And I knew in my heart that God was the one who worked it out. Boss knew that too, cos he told me to pray hard. haha.:) The judge was, in my view at least, really wise.. haha :) All praises be to God who answers prayers.

Am encouraged once again that God is real... and He answers prayers.

With this encouragement, I am now challenged to believe Him about something else. Something else which seems way out of the norm...something which no one (maybe except one i.e. hubby) will understand. To believe that He would accomplish what I ask for, just like the other prayer, which I just discovered recently, was answered.

Food for thought: Will we still do the right thing even though no one else around us understands?

haha...I think it's easy to say yes to that question, but when the situation really arises, and God says, "you have no one but Me"....hmmmm....a different story???

Daily stuff which matters :p

Hubby and I spent some time together after work.

He shared about updates relating to his work. I am happy for him that he has landed himself in an interesting job scope. We both shared our observations about ourselves at work...our weaknesses and strengths, that was meaningful..:)

We should never underestimate chats like this...:)The things which go on day to day matter...they may seem small, but they matter.

facades, authenticity, distance...

Human beings are all familiar with facades. I think modern life people are even more familiar with that...there are so many thing which hinder authenticity. Technology is one huge obstruction to authenticity I believe... we can easily hide in the virtual world of internet, smses, blogs etc. We think we are connecting but are we really connecting? Technology seems to cause people to come in touch with each other more easily and more quickly, but it also seems to cause us to fear face to face interactions more. Comfort zones become smaller and smaller...and over time, the lack of security increases.

Is this God's intention or is it man's doing? Went to a plenary session of a seminar last week and the speaker said something which contains so much truth, he said that this is the principle which governs modern-day relationship,

"When I draw closer to you, I feel hurt, when I move away from you, I feel lonely."

We are all yearning for authentic relationships, but many a times, we are not prepared to risk getting hurt and to trust with all our hearts. We also seem to find it harder to reconcile with those who have hurt us. Has God been the one giving us less power and strength to forgive and hope for change in Him? Or are we the ones who have changed and have turned cold.

What is God's original design?

Do we dare to love? Do we dare to risk getting hurt? Do we dare to face rejection? Jesus went through them all. He loved with all His heart, He was utterly hurt by those who crucified Him, He was rejected...yet, His love remains to this day. Can we love others with such love?

Divorce rates are rising everywhere...it just shows how vulnerable modern-day relationships are. It's sad, cos that also means that more children will be growing up in broken homes. Many begin to wonder whether there is LOVE, and HOPE.

1 Cor 13:4-8
"4Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails."

The truth of God endures forever...and it's the truth of God that holds every relationship together in love and harmony. Being married for close to a year, I am beginning to catch a glimpse of the reality of a marital relationship. Many often tell me that it's difficult to maintain the marital relationship. It's not all rosy, it's not at all easy...because we are imperfect. And I often tell others, love is far more than just emotions and feelings, it involves a person's will, commitment and devotion.

But thanks be to God who is Love....:)

I hope to see a world with less facades...and a world where people relate to one another just as they are...a world with empathy for those who are hurting...a world with hope for healing.

An insightful prayer...

This is a prayer found in the 40day/08 devotional by LoveSingapore movement.. it's beautiful...

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor. Amen.

blessings.. :)

haha.. it was such a close shave this morning. When dad said that I did not need to pick him up, I decided to sleep in a little later. BUT.. I nearly forgot that my coupons lasted only till 8am! I rushed out at about 820am..praying that I would not get a parking ticket.. Praise God! When I got out of the lift, I saw the lady right beside my car..I ran over and she asked, "Is this your car?" I said "Yes!" and she walked away...hahaha...Phew.. if I got there just a few seconds later...I would have gotten the ticket. God saved me some $ today :)

Yeah! hubby managed to get the hotel room booked for our anniversary celebration! :) Last year, we held our wedding banquet at Grand Hyatt.. apart from giving us a 2-night stay after the dinner... they offered us a free annniversary night stay.. so nice right? :) Thank God he reminded us sometime in Nov last year that we forgot to ask for the complimentary coupon... hubby wrote to the manager in Nov (about 4 months after our wedding day)...and they issued us with the coupon without asking any questions... so nice right? :) When I realised yesterday that we will be returning to the same type of room for our anniversary stay.. I was overjoyed!! I still am actually.. cos its a super nice and big room... :) I am so looking forward to it..But then again.. it's sad that time passes so quickly.. it felt like the wedding day was just yesterday..

Yeah! I will get to play keyboard this week during service.. it's been a long time since I last played the keyboard.. looking forward to it.. sometimes, it's good to have a change. :)

M-time..."stock-taking"

M-time yesterday was good.

We went to Vivocity again...enjoyed a sumptous dinner at the foodcourt and sat at the balcony for a chat.

It's coming to a year, since the day we got married. We are grateful to God for the good year which has gone by. But we also realised that it's not easy to maintain a good marriage. As we go through our daily mundane lives, when there is little excitement etc... it's easy to start feeling that we just exist beside each other and there is a lack of deeper connection. Such struggles are very real...which is probably the reason why deliberate effort is needed.

We shared about some of our thoughts about the marriage...how things will become even more challenging when kids come along etc...and we came to a conclusion that M-time's really important because regular "stock-taking" keep the marriage healthier. When we take time to communicate deliberately, share our lives deeply....it makes a difference. Little actions on a daily basis also make a difference to the relationship.

Well...it was a good time of "stock-taking". We are amateurs in this and we have a long way to go...but God is and will continue to be our source of grace and strength :)

Restless :(

One word to describe the past 2 days, "restless".

Little motivation to work since monday... it's midweek and the drive's still not coming back. My suspicion is that the weak gastric's causing the problems with concentration etc.

On such days, I just feel like resting at home and recuperating and I hope the week will pass me by real quickly.

But, thank God for...

1. victory in the mini-case yesterday

2. judge did not really give me a hard time this morning

3. one problematic case settled today

4. the big case might still be settled without a huge fight

To look after widows in their distress...

I finally got down to visiting my tuition teacher who is now 80 years old. The last time i visited her was sometime early last year...ever since then, although I have been prompted time and again to visit her, I did not get down to doing it. Finally, my younger sis prompted me again sometime last week to go visit her, especially since she's getting old.

I walked from my place to her place on sat morning...when I got to her place, I rang the door bell, called her home number, but there was no response. Thankfully, her neighbours saw me and informed me that she's unable to walk and that her maid was out at that time.

I was shocked to know that her health had deteriorated over the past year. I wanted to see her badly, so I prayed and ask God to bring the maid back. Praise God! Within about 10 minutes, she came back and opened the door for me. She was happy that I visited and she told me how she was just thinking about all her ex-students recently.

She is a widow and she's been rather depressed. I read some verses from Psalm 73 to her and prayed with her. I felt really bad that I had not visited her for such a long time and I apologised. Her husband's no longer around, she has no children..and she needs a lot of care. Once again I was reminded of the verse

James 1:27
27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Actually, over the past year, whenever I thought of her, I would think of that verse, but I just failed to obey the Word of God and put things into action. The Lord convicted me once again...

She will be moving to a nursing home soon...I hope I will commit myself to visiting her once per week.

A big lesson which I learnt from this: When God prompts us into action, do not procrastinate.

A freaky encounter! Yikes!! =(

I got onto a cab at the taxi stand. The driver's a lady...everything seemed normal, until...

she suddenly shouted, "I must hang him, no matter what I must hang him..(in mandarin)"

Silence.. (radio in the background)...

I thought she was on the phone...

then she shouted, "Things cannot change, I cannot change, he cannot change.(in mandarin)"

Silence (radio in the background)....

I really thought she was on the phone but I felt really weird.

then she shouted, "Da2 si3 wo3 ye3 yao4 "hang" ta1! (in english: "Even if I am beaten to death, I want to hang him!"

At that time, I was really freaked out...and guess what, she looked at me through the rear mirror and our eyes caught each others'! ARGH!!! I then realised she was not talking on the phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She nearly missed my stop. I had to tell her to stop and she pulled over.

Before I got off, I asked, "Are you ok?"

She said "sorry" and after handing me the change, she gave me a cold stare with a grin on her face, the freaky type
....EeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Oh gosh..I was freaked out! My body shuddered when I got out of the cab, like I just came out from a horror movie.. Can you imagine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still shiver at the thought of the whole incident now!..

Maybe she was testing me out... I don't know...it felt like it...

"Now is the time for you to heal..."

Read from New Paper and Today about the sentence passed by Justice Tay on the young man, aged 20, who smuggled his rifle out of camp and planned to murder.

The judge said his heart hurt for him...that's how I feel too. I can fully understand why such a harsh punishment had to meted out on him...the offence was grave. But at the same time, I am sure many sympathise with this young man who was immensely traumatised throughout the 20 years of his life. A broken family, abusive family members, loss of his close younger brother, breakup with his girlfriend...and probably a lot more.

Pain..it's the consequence of hurts, wounds and pain. He wanted to kill himself, just like many other youngsters who struggle with suicidal thoughts. This young man has never experienced love. And my prayer for him is, "Lord, please save this young man!". I hope that his time in jail would be life-changing, in a good way.

I like the adaptation of a biblical passage, To Everything There is a Season, which Justice Tay read before he passed the sentence,

"There was a time when you loved,
There came a time when you hated.
There was a time when you felt you wanted to kill,
Now is the time for you to heal.
There was a time you were broken down,
Now is the time to build yourself up.
There was a time when you were at war in your being,
Now is the time to restore peace within."

It's a meaningful encouragement from the bench to him, I believe. And I hope he will truly be healed.

All these remind me once again that many people are hurting deep inside...and they need God...who loves them with an unfailing, unconditional and everlasting love.

Super fruitful evening

:) Left office at about 615pm yesterday. Got home within 20mins and started going about doing many things haha....

1. Bought Darlie toothpaste (came with free Snoopy cup! yup..I want to collect all 4 of them in the series! so that means getting another 6 tubes of toothpaste!)

2. Vacuumed the house plus Magic-cleaned the house

3. Went to jog on the stadium tracks with WG and KP

4. Had a sumptous dinner at Margaret Drive: Chicken Chop and Rojak :p (You may wonder, "then why go jogging?" haha)

5. Recycled a magazine by making paper dustbins

6. Prepared juice for 3 pax using oranges and apples (and made a mess out of the kitchen, I shall not explain how..haha)

7. Cleaned the kitchen and some other parts of the house

8. QT & P-time started at 1130pm...then ZZZzzzzzzzzzz

I thought my evening was SUPER well-spent :p And ya... I do hope I get to leave office so early EVERYDAY!

Falling into place :)

I had a good week...:) Although I am still doing work on my laptop on a sunday night, I feel that there's a lot to thank God for.

But well..i must still say that working during weekends is something i wish to avoid at all cost. It's not nice to have work spill over into personal time. Thankfully, working on weekends is not a norm for me. My boss is rather understanding and respects that I do have other commitments. Managed to get some time to catch up with WG just now...so that was good.

Yup.. lots to thank God for this week. Guess it's cos I am beginning to see 'the light' in my circumstances...everything's starting to fall into place. So yup, less wrestling, less intense emotions. More peace...and more ready to move on in God's strength. Most precious lesson this week: "He is in control, He is Sovereign and Ruler of all. He knows what He is doing."

Had a great saturday.. WG's cousin came over. JYF was great! BS during CG was fantastic, as usual! :) Was very ministered and encouraged during the church prayer meeting this afternoon!

All in all, I am grateful for everything.

Went to watch GET SMART with some ppl last monday! Wanna go watch Hancock this week! :p Yeah!

still in office :(

Aiyo.. i am still in office. Just came back from dinner with boss, waiting to leave for clients' meeting at 830pm!! ARGH!! sigh...Been pulling my hair quite a bit again lately because of stress at work...ARGH! Got to stop pulling... !!!

Quite happy that I managed to discipline myself to eat slowly during meals...:) Got to get rid of the indigestion problem!

The past half a year hasn't been easy...ups and downs in my personal walk with the Lord and I call this the 'pruning' process as described in John 15. Painful and tough, but I am trusting that He has His greater plans. I thought I knew myself, but actually, I did not. There are still many parts of me which need to be uncovered by God... the stubborness, the pride, the unwillingness to submit etc. The human will is still strong, and that has to go. The reality that God is God has been hitting me real hard. His sovereignty, though hard to grasp, is a huge lesson which I need to learn. Many a times, I forget that He is God and I am man. The message that has been ringing within me, "I am the Potter and you are the clay".

Well, though painful, I guess it's worthwhile at the end of the road. It's the process of knowing God for who He really is. Many a times, I choose to know the side of God which makes me feel good, but that's not the complete picture. It just isn't.

Ah well... I am learning to thank God for all these... to thank God even when it doesn't FEEL good.

Hab 3:17-19

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

our german friend's in :)

Our german guest arrived yesterday. Nice guy, about our age...but taller than both WG and me. Speaks english fluently. Settling in well.. we brought him to Koufu for zhu chao! He enjoyed the food. We had fried kailan, sweet and sour chicken, tom yam soup and hotplate toufu!:) hubby and I managed to get a temporary wardrobe from IKEA.. not bad. :p So far so good. We are making good use of our extra bedroom! Thank God!

Back from T&G's church wedding!

Yeah..T&G are now married :) haha. Really happy for them. I just love to attend weddings :) For I know, the journey ahead of the wedding couple would be filled with great joy, if God continues to be in the centre of their lives and marriage.

Have been friends with T&G for many years. I was really glad to be able to help out as MC. Although that was rather stressful for both Kel and I, (now we got to get ready for the dinner in the evening cos we got to takeover our dear brother who's rather ill), we experienced God's guidance and grace throughout the whole time.

The wedding was held at The Arts House.. a very beautiful place I must say. The romantic mood was there.. everything was just beautiful. :) Both T&G looked great! and ya, for the first time, they were not the photographers at the wedding haha! :p

okie.. I am now waiting to go for rehearsal at the wedding dinner hotel... Long day for all of us :)

Oh ya! My curtains and blinds are finally done! Yippee!!!

Okiee..will upload photos soon.

Easily stressed:(

A few key words summarize some of my reflections today,

"Expectations" .. external (from others), internal (from myself)

"Perfectionism" ...

"Stress"...

It's a recurring problem, with deep-rooted causes. :( And I know I need to overcome that, if I don't want to keep killing myself with unnecessary worries, fears and stress. Some problems revisit us...but I believe we grow stronger each time we overcome them.

Life is definitely not a bed of roses...with all the things, expectations which have to be handled and managed. Working life is tough and sometimes I just wish to stay away from that. But...that's what life is about...learning and growing through challenges.

His grace is sufficient.

Random thoughts..:)

Thank God i am feeling so much better...really. For a while, I was quite down because of some stuff that happened... during that time, I thought I would not be able to pick up...but well.. time really did the trick. Gave myself a few days to feel sad.. and once I started feeling better.. things started to run again! God is faithful and He never forsakes me. Sometimes, He knows we just need the time to grieve over the pain... He is not in a rush for us to feel "ok" and He is always patient with us. I experienced that.. and I know that all the time, He was just waiting for me to start praying again.. and communicating. Yup, so He knew when I would be more ready to listen to what is true about all that has been going on.

Had a good time with WG on saturday morning.. it made up for our M-time this week. We took a bus to Serene Macdonalds, had breakfast, talked.. and walked to Botanic Gardens.. then ended up at Law School because I needed to get some stuff from the library. The time was good because he prompted me to just share what's been going on and he gave me guidance and advice (as usual)..which was what I needed :)

Cat and Dog Theology seminar in the afternoon was good.. cos it put my current circumstances into the right perspective. Sometimes I am such a cat.. but I do not realise it. The seminar reminded me of a song that I really love, by Steven Curtis Chapman.. "God is God".

Sunday service was good.. I learnt quite a bit from Moses' story in Exodus 2. What amazes me is how God orchestrates everything in our lives.. good and bad..for His purposes. And the next thing that I learnt is that, God preserves our heart for Him. :) I was encouraged.. for I knew deep down that my life is in God's hands.. and I need not worry what lies ahead.

The YF gathering on sunday afternoon was fantastic! I was so encouraged by what i saw.. it's hard to describe everything.. but the sharing by each person was so so so authentic. A time when everyone stopped wearing their masks. Beautiful.. although there was lots of tears..it was tears of healing. I was very much healed too:)

All in all, I am grateful to God for delivering me once again and giving me hope and strength for tomorrow :)

daddy & me time

Picked daddy up from the airport at abt 8pm last night...was happy to see him.

Then we had a good dinner at a chinese restuarant. 2 bowls of delicious porridge and roasted duck which was FANTASTIC! yumyum =p A bit ex though..but I told daddy it was a belated Fathers' Day celebration! haha.

I like daddy&me time. It's different from mummy&me time or daddymummy&me time.

That made my day somewhat and lifted me from my sadness.

The speaker at english service 2 days back reminded us to honour our parents and he urged us to spend more time with our parents...as I grow older, I do find myself cherishing parents&me time much much more...especially so after getting married.

Daddy mentioned that they may move overseas after retirement in Singapore due to other new commitments.. oh.. that made me feel sad.. and I don't wish for that day to come. :( But that made me realise that i need to cherish our times together now.

M-time this week :p and YIKES!!!

Hubby and myself realised that we have not be as disciplined with our M-time lately. Yups..so we were reminded yesterday to keep the discipline. Had our M-time yesterday, went to Vivo..had dinner at a Thai restaurant. Had 2 plates of pineapple rice, tom yam soup and beancurd. Dinner was good but err... a little expensive. We spent time talking (WG said, "no talking about work and ministry ok?")...about ourselves, the marriage, future plans etc...its was a good time. :p

And ya.. once again, I experienced how M-time makes a difference. You know.. we cannot take it for granted that because we see each other everyday at home, we are making efforts to build the marriage. To build/maintain a good marriage definitely takes intentional/deliberate efforts. As I always tell people, "Divorces happen probably not because there is absolutely no love between the 2 people, but because they did not know how to do maintenance."

It's definitely not easy to build a strong marriage, but i guess we just got to keep working at it.

haha, when we got home, something happened (relating to MY TOOTHBRUSH) and I sort of got a little angry..the feeling was "YIKES!! YUCKS!!".. argh... ah well, I shan't share the details.. but ya.. when such things happen, I don't know whether to be angry or to laugh it off! haha.. Well, eventually, I chose to not be mean and to laugh it off!

On a separate note, God knows that I would have to go through some difficult stuff these few weeks, so He made arrangements for my work to be more smooth-sailing and less hectic.. For that, I am truly grateful...He always knows what's best.

Yeah! A timely provision...:)

Yeah! Just as I was about to look for a cheap phone because my current phone is showing signs of death...haha...mummy called me to tell me that she would be receiving a free Nokia phone from Singtel next tues and she wanted to give it to me! =p It's so timely! For a while, I was wrecking my brains over the phone issue cos I have a general policy of not purchasing a phone at more than $100.00. It's hard to get one at such a low price without upgrading or signing a new line. I am not eligible for an upgrade at the moment...so it was quite a headache. But yeah!!!!! I will be getting a new phone next week.

God provides solutions at just the right time! Yippee :) :) :) :)

Relieved, glad, happy, amazed :):):)

Hard to share the long long story over the blog.. suffice to say, I am feeling

Relieved
Glad
Happy
Amazed
At peace
Encouraged

And all other positive feelings I guess :) haha

I passed the BIG test from God :) ya.. a difficult one.. but finally passed it!

Just 2 words, "IT'S AMAZING!"

And ya.. another amazing thing, reaped another fruit unexpectedly during dinner on sunday and experienced again what it means when the bible says that the gospel is the power of God. :p

The weekend and leave yesterday was good, and fruitful.

God is good...all the time.

CG was a blast!!! :):):)

Wow! Bible study today with CG was fantastic although there was just Pet, YH, WG and myself, just 4 of us.

We had such a great time studying Colossians using the inductive method. And Pet showed us a GodTube video to summarise the whole study, and that was also a blast!!

We really enjoyed the process of digging for truths for ourselves.. there was no spoon-feeding.. and yup, we learnt a great deal about the supremacy of Jesus Christ!

I am so encouraged. :):)Praise the Lord!

Free Italian meal.. yummy =)

Haha.. i just returned from a wonderful meal at a client's italian restaurant. He is the head chef of that restaurant..ya.. and he is the big boss. He gave us a treat after the matter was settled in court this morning. The food was fantastic... I have never been to such a posh restaurant... :) It was quite an experience. I may just return to the restaurant one of these days when I feel like spending the money. haha.

I enjoyed the chat with him..he was telling me how he likes Singapore etc. Well, I never saw things from his perspective.. but maybe it's different when you are looking from the perspective of a foreigner.

I've been having quite some fun lately talking to people from different cultures. WG's russian colleague came over to our place last sunday...she's a very nice girl.. and ya, we had a good chat. I had a good chat with this Italian chef today.. and ya, we will be having a German tenant for 2 months starting end June. So exciting! Cross-cultural exchanges. =p On a side note, the German tenant is my source of motivation to get my curtains done! (after almost a year of staying in the flat haha!)

I think I will enjoy having friends of different nationalities.. it adds more flavour to life. Something new for me...

Okie.. so J is coming over to do my curtain measurements this evening. Finally...I am getting that done. good good.

okok! Back to work!

More to life...

Last week, I met up with 6 of my good girl friends separately for catching up sessions... haha.. record-breaking!! Maybe cos it's been too long since I last caught up with them, so I decided to meet them all within a week. But it was very enjoyable... :):):)

Once again, I attest to the truth that God made us for relationships. I was just telling this friend of mine whilst we were waiting around in court that life's really meaningless if we just spend all our time working. Time with family members and friends is absolutely important in order to enjoy some quality of life.

Something else which I have been struggling with lately...the desire to shop and buy some really pretty and expensive stuff. It's the lure of materialism I guess...and I believe it's especially evident in Raffles Place (where I work). I think our generation finds it much harder to live simple lives and it takes much more to say "I will give that up". That's the reality now...

...but I thank God for reminding me always that there are many who are just struggling to stay alive and many who are living in poverty. (Like those in Sichuan and Myanmmar) "How then should I spend my money?" is always the question on my mind. Well, it's not easy, but it's a precious lesson to learn. The environment is shaping us and luring us to conform, if we do not resist, we will inevitably fall into the trap.

I've been thinking...actually life can be very meaningful...if only we choose wisely how to spend our time and money.

I was looking up Steven Curtis Chapman's ministry website, "Shaohannah Hope"...the Mission revolves around "Adoption". I think that's a beautiful ministry. Many orphans are waiting to be adopted into stable and loving homes. I am so encouraged by what they are doing and that just proves what I have just said, that life can be truly meaningful. (Do go check out their website!) :):)

A gift...and a sweet thought :)

Met a very dear friend after work today...for shopping therapy =)

We went to PS, had waffle and ice-cream at Gelare...talked for a while, before we embarked on the search for her belated birthday present!

I am really bad with presents, so we figured that the best way was to go out shopping together to get her the gift.

Yeah! We went from shop to shop...walked in and out of shops...looking for a nice pair of earrings. =p We were choosing between 2 pairs which were equally nice and finally decided on one.

I felt really happy when we managed to get her something which she really likes.

What was really sweet was what she said after we got the gift, she said, "Do you know why I chose to get earrings? Cos I thought since I would be away from Singapore for a while, it would be nice to get something which I would put on often so that I would think of the person who bought it" So sweet a thought right? =)

This evening was well-spent.

Happy belated birthday my dear!

Quality time... :)

I love to have time with friends...meeting up with people.

I just can't allow myself to just work, go home and do nothing else. haha. That's me.

After work yesterday, I went to explore CENTRAL at clarke quay...met up with LY for dinner at a Jap restaurant. We had a good time catching up =) After she left to meet her friends, I went to Starbucks by myself, sat down and read a book, my current favourite, titled "The Discipline of Grace"...had a cup of camomile tea before me...that was so enjoyable. Sometimes, I just appreciate spending time with myself.. "Me-time".

Met up with another friend for lunch this after. It turned out to be a pretty timely one. Thank God. =p

=) happy happy!

=) a better day

Just came back from lunch with colleagues. Had some pork ribs kway teow. =p

feeling quite happy today! I wonder why...maybe it's because I gave THE answer to THE question which was somewhat bugging me for a while. Maybe it's because I choose to stop wrestling and just say "Yes" to God and move on... haha...maybe it's because I just ranted non-stop in my journal last night and released all those rubbish inside me...maybe all that made me feel better and a little more in touch with myself. Sometimes, it's just all about getting in-touch with who we really are.

I am very thankful for wg's presence in my life... haha...just very very thankful. And ya.. many people have been asking me lately about married life, cos we are reaching the 1-year mark soon.. haha...and my answer has been "GOOD/GREAT!" God made marriages to be good..although some people like to joke and say "Well, it's first the wedding ring, then suffer-ring!!!" There are ups and downs in marriage definitely, differences to manage etc.. but well, all in all, I would still say that it has been "good".

Quite amused by what's been going on in the lives of some friends... haha! Very very interesting... and that just adds more colours to my life.

Well, I do hope that I will start to be more motivated at work, now that I am feeling better. =)

Photos from G&S wedding and T&T wedding

Questions which I have yet to answer

God's been asking me some very difficult questions I think. Questions which I am still afraid to answer at the moment. Why? I'm not too sure.. but probably due to fears...and I will have to take some time to sort things out.

But I am still thankful for His patience with me. His grace and strength continues to carry me through this difficult seasons. It just proves that God is really good and faithful in all circumstances.

No one can run from God...just like Jonah could not run from what God wanted him to do. Sometimes, we try to deceive ourselves by thinking that we can avoid God...but seriously, can we? haha.. the answer is simple, no. =)

Well, I must say that it's only human to wanna run away from God at times... but what's the point, when finally you'll just miss out on all the good He has planned for you?

It boils down to this, can we always trust Him?

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

The recent spate of events and tests have revealed a simple truth to me: that I lack faith in Him and I've got a lot more room grow in faith. He is never done with me! =) haha...

Fun holiday

The public holiday yesterday was well-spent =)

Woke up at 8am in the morning, went to have super super nice wanton noodles with hubby, mummy, daddy and elder sis!

After that, had QT, a short nap (haha =p) and then went to meet JR, his students and the rest for our free movie premiere "Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspien"!!!!

The movie was fantastic! I loved it!... The themes in the movie are so meaningful... It's coming out soon! Everyone should go and watch it! Long live Aslan!! =p

After that, hubby, myself, WL and J had dinner, went shopping and finally stopped at Coffee Bean for a good chat! It was plain enjoyable!! It's always wonderful to relax on a holiday.. to chat, eat and have loads of fun!

I think my holiday was really well-spent.

Back to work today...was pretty down in the morning, but thankfully, felt much better after lunch!

Meeting up with HC friends this evening for dinner...looking forward to it! =p

Another beautiful wedding

Yeah! G and S tied the knot yesterday!

We had so much fun helping them throughout the whole day yesterday. More importantly, it was really a meaningful experience to be able to help our dear friends enjoy their BIG day!

Hubby and I went to watch the movie "Made of Honour" the night before. haha =) the funny thing was, we received phonecalls, SMSes during and after the movie regarding the wedding the very next day!

The "fighting for bride" segment was fun! Din do anything really mean to the brothers.. it was just pure fun! haha..S was so impressed when she heard G answering correctly the questions we asked him about her. Wonderful!

The church wedding was beautiful. I worked with a great team of musicians and singers! (Thanks JH, WG, xiaomei, SY and BH!) PTL for His presence with us. I was personally very encouraged. =)

The dinner was great too! Although I started feeling the cold getting to me...ah well..but it was still great! =)

One word to describe the whole day, "BEAUTIFUL".

I am happy for G and S, because it's good to be married and not just that, married to someone who can build a family together based on God's truth. Without God, the very source of unending love, marriage would be incomplete.

Many people ask me whether I was reminded of my own wedding day... haha =) eh, actually, not really.. haha. And as I always say, "What's more important is the life together thereafter =)"

Made a new friend last night

Went to sit long the Singapore River, facing Fullerton Hotel yesterday in the evening... it was "ME and MYSELF time".

Was journalling and reading the bible, suddenly, this indian guy walked over to borrow a pen..then when he returned me the pen, he said something like.."if you need to talk..." haha.. think he thought I was troubled or something. I said "no need" then we returned to our seats.

After some minutes, before I was ready to leave, I prayed and asked God whether I should speak to him a little. Haha.. well, I thought it seemed quite mean to not even say bye before I left...in the end, I sat down beside him and chatted with him for a while. He is from Bangladesh, working in Singapore... but speaks pretty good english (good enough for me to converse for a while)...took the opportunity to share a bit hee hee...

He was happy to have found a new friend...and I told him that my hubby would want to be his friend too! haha! Told hubby about it when I got home yesterday...=) guess we may try building a friendship with him...

Anyway, that was an interesting encounter.

How would I describe my life lately? Different, new, NOT trouble-free, filled with uncertainty and sometimes anxiety. Not an easy road...

But I am still grateful that God gives me strength to pull through each day...

All by His grace, I am still living...

2 Cor 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Those who are more unfortunate...

Met and young man in a nursing home in Malaysia yesterday. He is only 24/25 this year but paralysed from an accident in Singapore sometime last year.

Thank God he is able to communicate and talk like any other person. But he is unable to control his limbs and cannot move on his own.

Had an enjoyable conversation with him, though my heart ached as I heard him share ... though still generally positive and thinking of improving his command of the english language and then move into IT...his paralysis is a huge obstacle to all his dreams.

There are many people like him around us...struggling to survive. Some of them are abandoned and seldom have vistors showing them love and concern.

The visit challenged me to reflect on how much I have been doing for those who are truly in need of love and care.

News about the disasters in Myanmmar and China which have taken the lives of thousands cause me to rethink the meaning and purpose of life. Without being there ourselves, it is hard to sympathise with those who are suffering as a result of the disaster. Many are grieving, mourning, lost, hungry, sick, homeless, poor, mentally and emotionally shocked etc...

What can we do? Give financially and pray.

Am reminded by the song "As bread that is broken"

Many hearts are hungry tonight
Many trapped in darkness
Yearn for the light
So many who are far from home
And many who are lost
O Lord Your wounded children need
The power of Your cross

Chrous:
As bread that is broken
Use our lives
As wine that is poured out
A willing sacrifice
Empower us Father
To share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken Lord
Use our lives

Help us to begin where we are
Help us love the people
Near to our hearts
Then give our faith a mission field
Wherever You may call
Lord love Your world
Through each of us
Until we've touched them all

May our good, merciful and gracious Lord comfort all those who are deep in pain.

In darkness and in pain, His love remains

It's often the hardest to trust God when we are hurt by others or going through a dark season.

Such times easily cause us to doubt His love for us.

"I don't feel God!"
"I don't feel that He loves me!"
"I feel distant from Him!"
"I can't seem to see His hand!"
"Where is God in my pain?"
"Does He still love me?"
"Does He truly care for me?"
.....

I think the biggest lesson that I need to learn, is to trust Him no matter what happens. To trust His heart.

Circumstances will not always be perfect, smooth-going, rosy etc. But one thing we know for sure, His love remains for it's an unfailing love.

Psalm 33:18
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

Psalm 36:7
How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Back in Singapore!

5 of us returned to Singapore yesterday. The rest of the team proceeded to the next location.

Thank God for bringing us back safely.

The trip was good for the following reasons:

1. The weather there makes it feel like air-con everywhere

2. Managed to release stress and catch some rest

3. Had a lot of fun with the rest of the team, especially with YS, Kel, YZ, Jus, Xiaomei and MK!!! Lots of laughter, loads of fun.

4. I witnessed how God used each person on the trip, everyone served with their gifts and talents, no one was dispensable.

5. 26 ripe fruits harvested! Praise the Lord!

6. Interaction with the locals was meaningful

7. Good and cheap food!!

=p I don't regret making the trip at all.

Luke 10:2
He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.

Back in Singapore now, back to work... got to settle into working life again. =( ah well... there is a time for everything.

photos will be uploaded soon.. i hope =) haha

It's crazy!

Worked till 1030pm on monday, same for tues. I am leaving office now cos got to go for rehearsal... and it's 9pm!!

My brain is FRIED!!!!! Intensive thinking and drafting and thinking and drafting... this will have to go on till SUNDAY maybe?

What to do...making a trip out of town next week, so got to rush. Ah well, amazingly, deadlines due before I leave for the trip and not during the trip. hmm..is that good or bad? Good in that I don't have to worry on the trip, bad in that I have to rush this week.

Doesn't help that BIG stuff going on in office.

BUT....thankfully, I know God's in full control of the situation. Partners in the firm have also been encouraging. They too acknowledge that God will just bring all of us through. Well, that's really comforting. And we are all praying... =) NICE..

Need to make sure I get enough sleep today and not fall sick!

The war will continue tomorrow hahahaha =)

Before I get down to the BIG assignment...

Sigh... some major stuff's been happening in office. Calls for a lot of adjustment on my part. Got to take up more responsibilities, as some say "hold the fort" and manage more things and people.

Was really super overwhelmed yesterday. Felt like a GIANT was loaded upon me all of a sudden and I loss my bearings for a while.

Thankfully, in the midst of the mess, hubby offered to come by my office area for dinner with me before I returned to work. enjoyed dinner from 7pm to 830pm... I am so grateful for that gesture on hubby's part. He listened to me patiently as I unloaded all my woes, repeated what I shared in order to make sure he understood me correctly (an art of communication which we learnt from pre-marital counselling sessions)...He did not jump to conclusions or prescribe solutions hastily...all he did was to just listen. He applied the verse in James 1:19.

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,"

After hearing me pour out everything, he said something to this effect, "You are only spending 50% of your energy and time working, and the other 50% is spent on worrying and getting all stressed out about the situation."

Haha.. I thought what he said made a lot of sense.

Something else which he said struck me, "Don't just perceive the situation as hanging on and relying on God's grace, it's true that God's grace will bring you through, but you can also ask for practical wisdom to deal with the circumstances in a better way."

That piece of advice was appropriate. Instead of feeling like I am just going to swim in the deep sea, why not think of how I can practically manage the situation with wisdom so as to be effecive and efficient. Maybe it's not meant to be that bad afterall.

Hubby then shared with me stuff he read from books, concepts about urgency and importance, "start-up time" for different assignments etc. WoW! Haha.. I didn't know there's so much more to managing our work and time.

Trying to apply some of the principles he shared today. Eh...still not there yet, but well.. I am trying.

Cleared many many small but important assignments this morning.. will soon be moving to the BIG assignment... hopefully I will be able to focus.

The path is still not smooth at the moment, but I am really grateful for God's providence through hubby's support, encouragement and guidance through such times.

Ah well, life goes on! Will see how it goes! Ganbatte!

Cute puppies abandoned =(

These cute puppies were abandoned at some loading bay...

Sometimes I really wonder why people abandon their pets like this and expect them to survive on their own...

My doggie Farnia (staying at my parents' place) was also abandoned at some HDB block... she is now always so afraid of lightning and rain... and we wonder whether that's because she was abandoned and maybe tortured in the rain. =( Poor thing..

I hope these cute little puppies get adopted by some kind souls soon.

Please... if you cannot take care of a pet, don't bother having one.

My weekend

Haha..as usual, had a super busy weekend. This time busier than usual. But well, many good things happened...

WL leaders' meeting went on well...

Enjoyed listening to a few JYFers sharing from the bottom of their hearts...

Had a great time with CG, studying Phillipians 4 and concluding the book... themes of our study: "Contentment", "Giving"

Enjoyed service on Sunday morning... sermon by Pr DL reinforced the themes which we studied during CG... amazing...the song "Thank you" by Ray Boltz was encouraging... haha... I thought it was funny that the anchor verse shared was Phillipians 4:13 (what we studied in CG the day before too! =p) haha.

Hubby conducted the lesson after service, I personally thought he did a GREAT job, with his Mr Square and Mr Cube! =)

EO went on really well, programme flowed smoothly, musicians hardly made mistakes... but more importantly, we reaped a harvest!!! Amazing! Praise the Lord!

Although I was and am now really really tired...the weekend was meaningful and I know His hand was in all that I had experienced.

God is good, all the time!

Looking forward to a week of more rest and more time with hubby to make up for the loss of 2 M-times. =p