What can I celebrate about my child?

1. She is growing bigger by the day

2. She is feeding well (only once at night, last feed at about 8pm, first feed at about 8am)

3. Though she doesn't nap well, she sleeps pretty well at night

4. She has now learnt that napping is part of her routine (although she only naps about 30mins and often struggles to get back to sleep)

5. She can sit on the rocker and play with her toys all by herself for about half an hour or even more

6. When she wakes up early in the morning, say around 7am, she will continue to stay in bed quietly until she's hungry at about 8am.

7. She enjoys her playtime very much, smiles a lot, giggles etc. :)

8. She has learnt to suck her fingers and self-sooth to sleep at night (though she still needs the pacifier to settle herself at times)

9. Although she does throw tantrums during feeding and sleep time (never at playtime haha :p), she also displays obedience at times.

When I learn to give thanks for Candra, I realise that her "sleep" problem isn't that great afterall. Every kid poses a different challenge to his/her parent. I may think that Candra isn't an easy child to look after because she refuses to nap and to give her little body the needed rest in the day, but who knows, my next child might give me a different problem i.e. sleeping too much in the day and not sleeping at night :)

I really need to focus on all the good things about her, and less about the challenges she causes me to face :p

Learning as a parent

I haven't blogged for a while cos I was just too stressed out to do so. Well, it's the same issue i.e. Candra's poor napping and lack of sleep.

I am learning to accept the way things are and to surrender all expectations over her sleeping habits and hours to God. The more I get uptight over how she is doing in this area, the more stressed out I become.

Don't quite know how to describe what I have been learning as a parent. I am still discovering the lessons which God wants me to learn at this stage. Think it's got a lot to do with surrendering of control, trusting Him wholeheartedly and accepting non-ideal situations.

I have been experiencing lots of fears as well. Fears of making unwise decisions for Candra, fears that I am not giving Candra my best etc.

I am someone who expects a lot out of myself. Guess that's why I am expecting a lot out of myself as a mother. But there are just so many things out of my control and I have so many inadequacies.

Those who know me well will probably know why I am such a stressed out mum. But well, I am learning. Learning to takes things easy, learning to have more faith, learning to relax.

God's grace is more than sufficient.

Candra is still not napping as ideally, but I think I am beginning to better accept the way things are. Afterall, children often give their parents problems in this area. I will have to continue facing the issue in the years to come, I believe. If I can't cope with the way things are now, how will I be able to cope in the days and years to come?

Candra's still the sweetest little baby I've ever known :) Although she is super active and dislikes putting her body to rest, she is still so lovable and fun to be with. She is so much more expressive nowadays and she makes cute little noises :)

I want to enjoy her and delight in her. That's so much more important than ensuring that she is getting her ideal number of sleeping hours.

Dad & Candra time

My little girl

Let me share a little about my little girl. :) Wanna blog some of these details to serve as sweet memories.

This little girl of mine decides when she wants to nap. On some days, she will be so cooperative and just do what you want her to do. On some, she will decide to do things her way. When there are guests in the house, she will definitely not want to sleep. When she decides to sleep, she can do without the pacifier and any patting. When she doesn't want to sleep, offering the pacifier and patting her will also be useless.

She enjoys listening to conversations. She can stay put in one position for a long time when people are conversing. If not, she will feel bored rather easily. She enjoys going outdoors. Hubby told me yesterday that her expression changed completely when he was carrying her back home and she cried immediately upon reaching home. haha :) She now recognises the way home, the lift etc.

In the past, she used to stop crying once she was picked up from the baby cot. But nowadays, she will only stop when you open the door of her room and step out of the room into another living space.

She now throws tantrums while feeding cos she feels bored and wants a change of scenery and some fun. For a while, I was at a lost, cos I need to ensure that she gets a full feed at each feeding. Her tantrums made it really difficult for me to ascertain whether she was fussing because of gas in her stomach, or she was already full, or she just wanted to be released to have some fun. Today, I decided to just let her throw the tantrum and be silent until she stopped. This little girl tried to push her luck, but when she realised I was silent and peeked at me using the corner of her eyes, she stopped and quietly continued to feed. :) Her expression was so cute that it made me laugh. (haha! as a parent I should not have giggled, afterall it was a tantrum)

This little girl is generally more cooperative at night. She now goes to sleep much faster, with less resistance, cos she knows no one plays with her at night. She wakes up at times in the middle of the night and plays in the baby cot without crying for anyone. When she is done with her playing (which can be up to 2 hours), she will go to sleep on her own. Sometimes I wonder what's so fun about playing by herself in the baby cot in the middle of the night. :)

Though it's been difficult tackling her sleep and feeding problems, it's also been fun getting to know her, discerning her cries, watching her throw her tantrums etc. She is so intelligent and she communicates with us through her various expressions and cries. It's amazing.

Despite the numerous discipline problems and headaches she has been giving us, we still think she is SUPER CUTE! :p

Overwhelmed

Been feeling overwhelmed since yesterday because of Candra's napping issue. Thankfully, a sister came by today to spend some time with me and my dear mentors T & A encouraged me through their emails.

She is finally napping a full nap now.

This little girl made noise over about an hour before she finally decided to sleep last night after I spanked her little thigh again. She understood that she was being disciplined and that she had to obey. Thankfully she obeyed and did not protest any further.

Hai... it's so tough being a parent. I think I can better understand now how God feels when He disciplines us. Indeed, God disciplines those He loves. Discipline is not just painful for the child. It is painful for the parent as well. When God disciplines us, His heart definitely aches.

I am a stressed out mum AGAIN! Got to start relaxing AGAIN! Argh!

Sleep training and Obedience training

Candra is currently undergoing sleep and obedience training.

Since Candra was about 2 to 3 weeks old, she had problems taking her naps. The confinement lady used all sorts of methods to put her to sleep, but she would always wake up. I felt so lost and stressed throughout the first month because I kept wondering what was keeping Candra from napping well and going to bed early. The first few weeks was really difficult. My confinement lady who has 15 years of experience finally told me that she "surrendered" haha :) She told me she had never seen a kid who fights sleep so much.

I cried out to God in desperation many times and asked Him for a solution to the problem.

During the first month, I thought of using the "cry-it-out" method to train Candra to acquire the skill of sleeping on her own. I tried, but Candra would cry over many cycles of 10-15mins. Instinctively, I felt that it would not work on her, so I gave up. Candra displayed a desire to nurse more, so we offered the pacifier. We thought the pacifier would be a cue for her to sleep, but that did not work too. Then we tried patting her to sleep, but that did not work too. She just kept fighting sleep.

Finally, one day, I observed her behavior and decided that if her problem was that she DID NOT want to sleep, but wanted to spend more time playing, this girl would require some discipline. I adopted a different method and started being rather firm with her. I would still offer the pacifier and offer to settle her to sleep by patting her. I would signal to her that she has to sleep by using my hand to close her eyes. If she still resists being settled to sleep, I would walk out of the room and leave her to cry for 10-15mins before going into the room again. I would repeat the same gestures until she was willing to obey and be settled to sleep (modified "cry-it-out" method).

Amazingly, hubby and myself discovered that she responds to our firm instructions. As a 7week old baby, Candra has already been spanked (lightly of course) on her thigh when she chooses to disobey. She also expressed her displeasure at being disciplined. Candra understands our instructions and communicates with us through her cries. She protests and protests and protests but we maintain our position that she has to be in the cot and MUST sleep.

After adopting this method, her napping has improved slightly. Settling her to sleep at night can still be very challenging, especially when there are guests in our house (cos she wants to play). Yesterday, she broke her own record by crying 4 - 5 cycles over 1.5hours before being willing to sleep. She DECIDED to obey and sleep at close to 11pm! Terrible for an infant at her age!

This little girl does not heed her body's signal of tiredness. She can stay alert for more than 4 hours at a stretch. Babies usually knock out by a certain time at night, but this little girl certainly has not displayed signs of knocking out. She needs to DECIDE TO SLEEP.

Through this sleep training experience, we have come to know Candra better. She is very intelligent but also very obstinate. She is very playful and dislikes being put to bed. She communicates with us through her cries and she understands our instructions through the tone of our voices. We feel that she learns primarily through communication.

Candra's cries speak a lot about how she feels. Putting aside her hunger cries, we know when she is protesting, when she is trying her luck to see if someone would just enter the room and bring her out, when she is just fussing for the sake of fussing, when she is throwing a princess tantrum etc.

Many have commented that I have a playful and fiesty little girl. That's quite true.

Through this whole experience of finding a method to sleep train her, I realised it's really important to know your child. Every child is unique and need a unique method of training. I have also come to realise that obedience training can start as early as birth. She may just be an infant but she already displays understanding.

Well, we will just keep at what we are doing, cos we have no other way. We will not resort to using a rocker or carrying her to sleep. So she just got to learn to obey and go to sleep when she needs to. :)

Prayers needed

Need prayers desperately.

Candra has a serious problem of refusing to nap. Though she has less problems with sleeping at night, she sleeps really little in the day at her age.

Since her birth, other than the first 2 weeks when she was drowsy most of the time, she has had problems with daytime naps. The confinement lady also mentioned that she seems to fight off sleep quite a bit.

We feel that she fights off sleep because she is very active and playful. She has a huge ability to stay alert during the day. We often find her waking up from very short naps (20 - 45mins ONLY). That's really insufficient.

I have come to realise that I have to be very firm with her, even to the extent of showing her my displeasure when she refuses to nap her full nap. She is in a sense undergoing obedience training already. When she disobeys, I will allow her to cry for 10 - 15mins before going into her room to ensure that she continues to nap.

She seems to understand what I am doing, but the training process will still take a while.

I struggle on a daily basis, asking myself whether my training method is really going to work. Need prayers. :(

Growth Spurt

I believe Candra went through her first growth spurt 2 days ago.

Candra had always had problems with her naps but 2 days ago, she started sleeping a lot more and would very often doze off on her own after a rather short waketime. That was a big tell-tale sign that something different was going on. Instinctively, I felt that my daughter was not herself.

In addition, she fussed a lot more throughout the day, especially during feeding time. She would sometimes latch on and off by herself and fuss in between.

And of course, she showed a desire to nurse much more often. Instead of her usual 3 - 4 hours routine, she showed signs of wanting to nurse in intervals ranging from 1hr15mins to 2hr15mins.

I was rather unsure whether she was going through a growth spurt but the fact that she was not herself (especially with regards to her naps) made me feel really uneasy. I wanted to be careful with the assessment so as not land Candra in the habit of snack-feeding.

Thankfully, I checked out some websites and they mentioned all the signs Candra was displaying. Moreover, most of them stated that a growth spurt could happen at 6 weeks. Candra is now in her 6th week.

Thank God, the growth spurt did not last for long. I just had to adjust her routine over a day or so. Now she's back to her 3 hours routine and behaving more normally haha :)