Control freak

I am such a control freak.

During my quiet time yesterday, I reflected and realised that I want to control Candra's growth so much. I want to make sure that all the decisions I am making and will be making are perfect to ensure that Candra grows well physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. The desire to keep things under control causes me to live in fears and anxieties and I easily fall into the trap of legalistic thinking while parenting Candra.

God reminded me that perfect love drives out fear and the one who fears is not made perfect in love (1John 4:18). God also drew my mind to remember that I live by grace and that His grace is more than sufficient as we move along. The more I make decisions out of fear and the desire to keep things "perfect" and "under control", the less I am relying on God. Any decision made out of fear will not please God and will certainly not bear the results I hope to see.

These few words kept coming to mind, "Less of me and more of You, Lord."

Recently, as I think through my decision to return to work etc...and wonder about the future, God's been leading me to meditate on Psalm 127:1,

¹ Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

Unless God builds my family, I labour in vain. Unless God watches over Candra's growth, I watch over her in vain. Less of self and more of God...