This morning, I felt so sad when I left home. Afterall, I have been spending so much time with Candra over the past three months. One part of me felt sad because I knew I would miss her, the other part of me felt "bad" for leaving her at home. I felt bad because I thought a mum who leaves her baby at home for work is a bad mum. I also felt a tension within myself because I knew I had to focus on my work in the day.
There was nothing I could do to make myself feel better but to pour out my heart to God as I travelled to work and I sensed God telling me that I should not think that a mother who leaves her baby at home for work is necessarily a bad mother. I felt God assuring me and comforting me that "it's ok and that He understands". After that, I prayed and asked God to help me focus on my work and not be half-hearted. I did not want to be "joyless" for the whole day. I had to surrender everything to the Lord...Candra, and myself.
I am thankful to God for leading me through the day. My colleagues welcomed me. The partners in my firm have been really understanding. They assured me that they understand my need to work part-time and are happy to work things out and be flexible. They are also prepared to let me have a flexible lunch hour to accomodate one breastmilk pumping session. They encouraged me to breastfeed for as long as I can and assured me that I could take time off to do the necessary. I am so glad dad's office is just downstairs, on 10th floor, because that means I have a good place to express milk, sterilise the equipment, bottles etc.. (many have told me that they have difficulty finding a suitable place to do that).
Boss was kind to exempt me from going to court this week so that I can ease into work slowly. The first day's not as bad as I thought really...
I am glad I can return home, knowing that I have the full day with Candra tomorrow. :) That gives me a lot of motivation to be efficient at work. Of course, the kindness of the partners at my firm also cause me to want to be more effective at work.
I thank God for leading me this day and I know I need only to move a day at a time. He is truly our refuge and our ever present help in times of trouble.
No matter what happens, being joyful, praying always and giving thanks in all circumstances is God's will for us in Christ Jesus. :P
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