When will we see the light at the end of the tunnel?

We are waiting.. waiting for the day Joshua decides to give up altogether and just follow the routine we have set out for him.

It's been such a tough journey.. a battle of wills everyday, our will against his. As a mother, I feel so drained struggling to train him because I got to withstand his cries, protests and whines. Been having terrible tension headaches from the lack of sleep, stress, depression etc...But thankfully, my condition started to improve after I started memorising scripture on hubby's prompting. Nothing could cure my headaches, the Word of the Lord did that immediately. That's the power of His Word.

Day after day, I keep crying to the Lord, "When will we see the light at the end of the tunnel?" This journey has called for a great deal of perseverance...Joshua's tough training started at around week 5 and 6, it's already week 8 now and we are moving into week 9... how I wish the whole process will be over soon.. but the boy got to decide to give up.

His ability to do his nights well just prove to us that he is capable of doing his daytime naps well. In fact, he does do well at certain naps, when he DECIDES to sleep on his own and alone. Same problem we had we Candra, they are capable of doing what we want them to do but they will only do that when they DECIDE to do it. The key is, they got to DECIDE to do it. When they don't want to, they will just cry and demand for attention and do that persistently.... hai... KIDS... that's what they are really good at huh, testing limits and pushing boundaries... :)

Honestly, after going through the fire for Candra's training, I thought No. 2 will definitely be easier, but now, I think what I went through for No. 1 only served as preparation for No. 2 because No. 2's seemingly tougher. :( I certainly hope No. 3 (if we do go on to have No. 3 that is) will be easier.....such times force me to cry out to the Lord for mercy. I did ask myself, "Why not give up training since it's so tough?"..but I know I have no alternative. No training for me means more fatigue and chaos at home... which = to more stress. Either way is stressful, training is stressful...but no training will even be more stressful in the long run. Of course, I am assuming Joshua will learn and surrender someday.

O, I wish Joshua learns soon and just give up completely.......on that day, peace will be restored to our home... I think he has been crying at least a total of 4 hours a day, naptime plus waketime.

I am thankful Candra's been patient and loving towards him still. Although there are times when she snaps too because of her brother's fussiness (which I think is understandable given that we snap at times too), she snaps a lot lesser than I do definitely. In that sense, I am learning from her, a little child.

I am so humbled when I look at my ugly self... I snap so easily when I am under stress... I feel like I am such a terrible mummy.. short-tempered and impatient... my poor kids suffer when I can't get a proper grip on myself. Sigh....

O Lord, have mercy on us... help us see the light at the end of the tunnel...in Jesus' name I pray, Amen.