More realisations

Some things happened at home yesterday which made me realise that Candra might have grown more attached to the confinement lady than to me. My my, my heart broke at that realisation that my child might have been turning to someone else for comfort more than me. That's probably because of a number of reasons. Well, my confinement lady is SUPER good with kids I tell you. She is good :) She has also been the one doing all the bathing, diaper changing, settling her to sleep etc over the past month. More importantly, Candra has been sleeping with her at night.

I have come to learn an important lesson. Children grow attached to people who spend the most time interacting with them. You may be the mother, but if someone else spends more time with your kid than you do, the attachment will definitely be weaker. I am thankful for the experience for it has taught me an important lesson, a lesson that will last a lifetime. Starting from yesterday, I started doing everything myself and thankfully, Candra's been responding well.

Hubby and I have been trying to discover what our parenting style is. I think right now, we are quite willing to spend time and effort building a stronger attachment between Candra and ourselves, to instill in her a deep sense of security in the home. Of course, there will be some training in the process (i.e. her sleep training and routine), but we really hope Candra will find herself really secure in this family.

Starting to wonder whether I can really go back to work and leave Candra in the care of someone else... hmm...

Training Candra to sleep - Big headache

Parents out there will definitely know what I am talking about here.

Candra's been put on a routine since her birth. Feed - Wake - Sleep cycles...this is to help her establish day and night pattern so that she will be able to sleep through the night at some point.

Feeding hasn't been much of a problem, save that for the past few feeds, she has been rather fussy because of her tiredness. As her mother, I got to be patient with her to ensure she gets her full-feeds.

As for wake-time, my little one has little trouble with that. In fact, she has TOO MUCH of wake-time I think. Based on our observations of her pattern over the past few weeks, this little girl likes to stay awake for as long as she can. Take the past few days for example, she can be awake for up to 8 hours without sleep. That's quite a feat for a one-month old baby. Even the confinement lady finds her incredible in this aspect.

Now..for sleep-time, this little girl challenges everyone in the house. I have sort of decided not to use the "cry-it-out" method to train her to sleep, because I don't think I can tolerate her extensive crying. We have tried to use all sorts of methods to settle her to sleep when she shows signs of tiredness:

1. Carrying and patting her until she is drowsy, put her down in her cot before she falls into deep sleep, then continue patting her until she becomes really drowsy, leave the room

2. Letting her cry for 10-15 mins to let her know that no one is going to carry her or play with her, give her the pacifier, then leave the room

3. Letting her cry for 10-15 mins to let her know that no one is going to carry her or play with her, give her the pacifier and pat her until she is really drowsy before leaving the room

So far, none of the above methods have really worked on her because SHE JUST DOES NOT WANT TO SLEEP!!!! We have concluded that this little girl is probably an active child who likes to play more than sleep.

Just now, we were at our wits end (myself, the confinement lady and my domestic helper). We decided to stay in the room, let her cry and know that all of us were in that room and WERE NOT going to carry her or play with her. After 15mins of crying and us conveying to her the clear message that she had to sleep, she decided to stop and eventually fell asleep while the 3 of us were chatting away. This little girl understood what we were all saying. We thought that was really funny. haha :)

Well, I have not found a consistent method to settle her to sleep. I hope she doesn't force me to use the "cry-it-out" method on her. But one thing we have all decided on is to avoid carrying her to sleep.

Let me tell you this, little kids like Candra are very clever. Haha.. as her mother, I got to learn to outsmart her!

A one month old baby and mother

Candra's more than a month old. Her mummy has also turned one month old as a mother.

Lots of lessons learned so far.

To all first-time mothers out there, if you do suffer from some sort of depression at the start of your journey as a mother, you are in good company. Here's a mother who has experienced and is still experiencing that dark valley of depression at times.

I would like to take some time to share what I have learned within this short one month.

1. Black and white thinking in parenting will bring one a lot of stress. Putting aside moral training, most of the things in parenting are not about "right and wrong", "black or white".

2. Every child is unique, every parent is unique, every family is unique. Advice from others and information received through books, websites etc. are all good and helpful, BUT, as a parent, you will still have to make the ultimate call based on your unique circumstance and personal assessment.

3. A parent should not compare his/her circumstances and child with that of another.

4. There should never be over-reliance on any method/concept in parenting. Ultimately, God wants us to put our complete reliance on Him for the healthy growth of the child. This will ensure that we do not give credit to any methodology in parenting but always give credit to God.

5. As a mother, my emotional, physical and spiritual health (A PRIORITY) is much more important than what I can "do" for my child in terms of training etc. If I am stressed out, depressed etc, this will affect her even more negatively. First learn to take care of myself. I am telling myself these phrases daily, "Let Go", "It's ok", "Everything will be fine".

6. God is just a prayer away and He hears our cries all the time. Pray to him about every little thing, whether it is baby's feeding, baby's sleep and trust Him (with all our hearts) to help us with everything. "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you" 1 Pet 5:7

7. Every parent has his/her own inadequacies. Nobody is a perfect parent. We must not be fearful of facing up to our own inadequacies. Instead, we must acknowledge that God's grace is sufficient for He has promised to give grace to the humble.

8. A mother who thinks too far ahead will easily worry. Day by day living is how the Lord wants us to live. To enjoy every moment of the day with the child and enjoy His mercies which are new every morning.

I am so sure that God has entrusted me with the care of Candra because He wants to do a deeper work in me. If I think that parenting is all about the child, I am wrong. The journey of parenting is so much about me, from God's perspective.

There's still so much to learn, I am sure...

I am thankful to God for sustaining me thus far.

A broken vessel

Time flies, Candra will be turning a month old tomorrow.

As much as she is growing physically day by day, I have been challenged to grow day by day too.

Parenting hasn't been easy. I have come face to face with my inadequacies, limitations, selfishness, lack of faith etc. It has been somewhat stressful for me. God is breaking me...teaching me lessons I have never learnt before. I wake up every morning feeling so weak and broken before God...and all I can do is cry out to Him for daily strength and guidance.

By His grace, we have walked through this first month. By His grace, we will continue moving forward.

Starting from zero

My my, parenting isn't easy... I feel like I am starting life all over again.

Never felt so lost and helpless in my life...and I know God has many new lessons for me.

I am going to rediscover myself as I learn what it means to be a parent to Candra.

Hubby reminded me yesterday that we must remember:

1. That God's grace will be sufficient for us as we learn to parent Candra
2. To allow ourselves to make mistakes and not kill ourselves over them because God can redeem anything
3. That it's not about what we do for Candra but about who we are.
4. To trust that we are doing our best in God's eyes and He will take care of the rest.

Honestly, I have been feeling really vulnerable...I have nothing and no one else to hold on to but God Himself.

I shall learn to be weak but yet strong in the Lord.

Father, help me.

He leads the way...

Thank God for such times when I can sit down and do some blogging.

Now that things are more stabilised, Candra's routine etc, I find myself stabilising too. Emotions fluctuate a little lesser and I think I am slowly easing into the new role of being a mummy. Keep telling myself to give myself and Candra some time...thankfully what was initially unfamiliar has now become slightly more familiar to me. Lots more to come I guess.

I was telling WG, I have never felt so lost in my life before. Never in my whole life have I been led into such unfamiliar ground before. So it can be rather scary at times. But I am really learning to trust God that He is leading the way and teaching both WG and myself a little at a time.

Parenthood has caused me to be more vulnerable before God. Cos it's the nurturing of a life that we are talking about here. But I am constantly reminded that Candra's in the hands of our loving Father. He will chart her growth and lead her where she is to go. That's comforting. :)

Do continue to keep our family in prayers...that both WG and I will remain strong in the Lord!

Thanksgiving

It's Day 11 since Candra's arrival into this world.

The toughest week (first week) has passed, by God's grace and we are now into week 2.

I have experienced God so much within the past 11 days. Countless answered prayers.

Parenthood has caused me to realise the importance of relying on God and prayer. As parents, there are so many things we need to learn, so many things we do not know. Which explains why we need God so badly every single day, to help us make wise decisions, to help us through the difficult times, to help us learn how to nurture a life.

My thanksgiving items so far:

1. Thank God for the good confinement lady and domestic helper who have been such great help to me.

2. Thank God for helping Candra achieve full-feeds every time

3. Thank God for helping Candra latch on well for feeding and feed efficiently

4. Thank God for supplying Candra with breastmilk for her healthy growth

5. Thank God for giving me strength, physically and emotionally to go through the night-feeds

6. Thank God for giving me the perseverance to continue with breastfeeding

7. Thank God for helping us achieve some routine for Candra and the family (Candra's feeding 3-hours apart now, with waketime and sleep time in every cycle)

8. Thank God for helping me feel better after establishing the routine

9. Thank God for the support and affirmation given to me by mothers and good friends out there

10. Thank God for a supportive husband, WG, who has been very encouraging.

1 Thes 5:16-18 has been a huge reminder to me daily,

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.