First trip overseas with baby :)

We are back from church camp. The 4 days 3 nights spent at Batam was enjoyable :) It was our first trip overseas with Candra. Before the trip, I was a little anxious because it was the first time WG and I were going to take care of her by ourselves. We were worried that we would not do a good job or would be too tired/sick to do a good job. So we prayed for ourselves, for strength and good health. Thankfully, none of us fell sick and we rested well there.

We were also worried about Candra's sleep at night. We were afraid she would wake up at 5plus in the morning, Singapore time (sometimes she does that in Singapore)..which would mean 4plus Batam time. We prayed, and asked some others to pray that she would sleep till a later time... well, I prayed for 7am Singapore time exactly.. guess what? She did just that cos she was just too tired... haha...we could sleep till 7plus am Singapore time :) Praise the Lord!!! He knows our need for sleep..haha.

She did well sleeping in her play pen...she was very happy throughout the camp.. enjoying the presence of so many people...loving all the smiles people gave her...although she made some happy noises during the meetings, they were generally ok. Actually, I think all the little babies and toddlers behaved very well in the camp. Praise God!

WG and I are happy that we cooperated with each other well, helped each other out whenever we could and took on complementing roles throughout the trip. Although he had to involve himself in some of the programmes, rehearsals etc, everything turned out just fine :) He always made sure we were well taken care off before doing anything else. I think he did a great job as a daddy! We are thankful we did not quarrel or bicker over anything..and happily enjoyed our time as a family. Praise God!

All of us had fun! Especially Candra .. :p and I really enjoyed taking care of her!

Coincidence? Chance? or GOD? :)

I think God's really amazing. I should share this experience with you guys.

Yesterday, I wanted to be "naughty" and put one less parking coupon. My original plan was to take the chance and only put till 8am (though I could only leave house after 830am). Well.. my original plan was thwarted when I made a mistake while tearing the coupons. The mistake was made in such a way that I had to put an additional coupon for half and hour...to make it 830am. When I made that mistake, I went "Awww!" (well, that was the sinful me who wanted to cheat a little) but the next thought that came was, maybe there is a reason for the mistake and who knows, this mistake could save me from a parking ticket the next morning.

GUESS WHAT!!!!! I reached the carpark this morning at 840am and there was 2 parking attendants standing right at my car...!!!! They were waiting for me..giving me that little grace period. I managed to prevent them from issuing a ticket... Phew!!!!! Woah.. when that happened, I really thanked God! It was definitely His way of showing me that He's watching over me, my every little move and motive.

If I did not make the mistake, they would probably have issued the ticket cos they would not have given someone 40mins of grace period...Praise the Lord! It's all His grace...............

Well, I also learnt that I should not take chances like that..haha!!

God's amazing right?

Sneak preview :) Photos by ONEEYECLICK

Lovely picture taken by our dear friends from ONEEYECLICK who walks with us through different seasons of our lives :)

Uncle Dan played with her and made her smile :)

Loneliness ... superficial relationships

I was listening to Beth Moore share in one of the videos sessions in her "Stepping Up" series. She said something which I really agreed with...this is what she said,

"We are overloaded with superficial relationships but starving of deep ones"

I think that's so true of us, people living in this modern age. Honestly, I think SMSes, emails, blogs, facebook etc. have made us so used to being overloaded with superficial relationships. Do we really connect with people over all these mediums? Do we connect DEEPLY? I am not saying that we absolutely can't, but I think there's just something all these mediums can't do for us... they just can't replace our need for face to face deep communication and connection. God made us for deep relationships... not superficial ones. I like something else she said...

"God created us with a connection requirement"

I feel sad to know that more and more people are getting more comfortable sharing deeply over msn, sms etc, than to share with someone face to face...Sometimes, I find myself clicking away on the computer, reading blogs, scanning through facebook because I hope to "connect" with people..but after all that clicking, I will still feel empty and somewhat lonely. That's because that kind of "connection" is more often than not superficial... If that's the connection we have all our lives, we will certainly feel lonely... Cos God made us for more than that.

Busyness is a huge problem in modern day living... and I fear that many of us have lost the ability and skill to do "deep relationships".

Are we overloaded with superficial relationships and starving of deep ones?

I am asking myself this, "How many people really know me and how many people do I really know?"

Are we allowing the devil to deceive us into believing that the "connection" we have with people is real? We mustn't fall into that trap and stop loving others deeply... (the devil uses "half-truths" to deceive us all the time)

I am not saying that we should stop using SMSes, msn, facebook, emails etc...but I think we must be aware of the dangers of losing what is "real" in the midst of all these...

Our attempt at taking a passport sized photo :P

Need a solution!!

Aiyo..my sweet little kiddo decided to wake up at 4plus am today! Can you believe it!!! That's like super early for a 7 month old... I don't know why....She's been waking up super early the past week....today's the record-breaking day.

Well.. we leave her in her cot to play by herself (until 730am)...and she doesn't really disturb us..but we do hear her little noises when she talks to herself or sing.. haha! This morning at 4plus, I was woken up by her cute little sounds.. sound really cute..but eh..not so cute when I am sleeping right..haha.

As I look back on the tough sleep training..I am so glad we did that for her..Can u imagine if we did not train her to stay in her cot till we picked her up? She would be calling for us at 5plus or 4plus in the morning EVERYDAY!!!!!! Woah..I can't imagine that...

So, now this is the problem! What can I do to help her sleep till later in the morning? She naps ok, she doesn't sleep really late (8plus pm)...she has a rather fixed routine everyday...WHERE DOES THE PROBLEM LIE? The worst thing is this.. she wakes up real early..but she's not cranky in the day!

I was thinking maybe she just doesn't need to sleep so much.. but still.. 4plus am is way too early for a kiddo at her age..she should be doing at least 6plus am. ARGH...hmm..maybe she's not eating enough in the day..but we think we are probably overfeeding her already.. haha! (this kiddo loves to eat)...

??????????????

What's going to happen at church camp when she sleeps with us in the SAME ROOM??? oh dear...

She's really growing up :)

In the past, Candra used to not sit still through story-telling at bedtime. She would be distracted and reaching out for the book instead of listening attentively. But she's been different since the last 2 story-telling sessions. I think she loves to hear her daddy read stories to her. Her daddy's really good at animating the stories... making funny sounds and faces to match the storyline... she's been listening and watching him attentively lately :) Woah!! She's growing up...

I have decided that Daddy should do more of that.. cos I am really quite lousy as compared to him.. I am quite a boring story-teller I think.. haha! I am so glad he can do that well ..really well. hee :p

Silly but effective exercise to recommend :)

Haha! Guess what! Hubby and I came up with a creative idea :)

We have been trying so hard to fit regular exercise into our lifestyle. Hubby's been wanting to play tennis regularly... we both feel that regular jogging's out for us....we just can't keep up with that. Swimming's good.. but somehow, we can't keep that regular too. Hai...we've been feeling quite desperate! With Candra in our life now, exercising regularly is just not as easy as before.

We decided to do something somewhat stupid and crazy in order to sweat it out... we decided to DANCE!!!! We danced to a christian CD and yanyan's kid's praise CD :)...in our bedroom! We looked quite silly definitely.. imagine the 2 of us just going crazy...dancing and singing. Hubby tried to dance to this kids' song with a lot of alphabets..it's so hard trying to form the alphabets with our bodies in such a short time! hahahahahaha!

Wow.. it was really effective. We did not need to step out of the house.. and we had fun. If you don't mind being a little silly and crazy, I would strongly recommend this form of exercise :) Think I am really going to do that more often.. Not sure about hubby...afterall, he is not as "sot" (crazy) as me.

Bedtime routine

Hmm...think bedtime routines do work.

This is what we usually do with Candra:

Evening stroll --> nursing --> changing into pyjamas --> bible story --> bedtime prayer --> into the baby cot :)

Candra's been getting better at expecting the next event....today, I thought she looked really tired and wanted to sleep, so I decided to skip the storytelling and put her into the cot....woooo...she cried so badly. I had to pick her up to comfort her and then I picked up the story book. Immediately, she stopped crying and smiled and quietly sat through the story :) After that, I put her in the cot, expecting her to cry a little but she didn't.. and yup, she went off to sleep on her own after that.

The power of bedtime routines. Babies like Candra do thrive on routines. Guess they like to know what to expect and when you disrupt their routines unnecessarily, they will not hesitate to show you their displeasure. Children probably learn best through consistency, consistency in routines, consistency in training methods, consistency in instructions etc.

She can crawl :)

Candra's been crawling.. since she turned 7 months old a few days back.

Time really flies.

It's fun seeing how she grows from one stage to another.

It's going to get more tiring for all of us though.. cos now we really got to keep our eyes on her all the time. :)

She woke up late! :)

Candra woke up at 710am this morning!!!!! What a miracle!

It's been a long time since she woke up so late....For quite a while, she woke up at 530AM (sometimes 430AM) !!..then recently she improved, 630AM.. :) I thought she'll never do 7AM again but she did this morning.

I have sort of come to terms with the fact that this little kiddo does not need that much sleep. Considering she can stay awake for up to 6 hours without feeling really tired or being really cranky... maybe she just doesn't need that much sleep. I've not tried to drop her naps cos that doesn't seem to work for her.

I've been hoping she'll wake up later cos we only pick her up at 745am for her first feed. When she wakes up really early, she ends up playing by herself in the baby cot for a SUPER long time.

Now I hope she wakes up slightly later during church camp, cos we'll be sleeping with her in 1 room and she might just decide to make loads of noise to wake us up early in the morning.

Back to primary school :)

Kind brother JR gave me some art materials so I can play with them at home :) It's been a while since I just painted for fun. Decided to just do that one night...:) felt I returned to primary school art class haha! So fun!

:) and :(

Currently feeling upset and trying to get over a recent blow-up with someone really close to me. It's sad that the differences in our values, outlook of life, worldview and life goals have created such a huge rift between us. And things will only change when either of us change (but the truth is I am not going to and I can't). It's tough having to face such a reality with someone close to your heart... but all I can do is to hope and pray for her. Hope I can get over it soon... hope she gets over it too.

On a lighter note, I've been bringing Candra along to join the JYF Bible Reading Camp. It's been really encouraging watching the JYFers diligently persevere through the bible reading sessions. I have been enjoying myself tremendously and thankfully, Candra has been able to take her naps in church :) It's tougher now, having to bring Candra and her barang barang along but so far, every attempt has been worthwhile. It's my hope that the JYFers will continue to persevere in the next 2 weeks and cover more ground :)

Candra's trying to crawl... and I am glad she's learning to behave herself on her highchair. She's shown us that she is capable of learning to heed our instructions. When we say "no" to her to stop her from touching and playing with things such as our spectacles, tissue boxes etc, she will very often just obey and turn to something else. We see her learning to control herself and not put her fingers into her mouth while having her meal and that's really sweet. I guess children can learn to exercise self-control through consistent training and reminders.

She starting to blow bubbles with her saliva again during different times in a day though....hmm...that's a difficult one and we are hoping she will not develop a bad habit of doing so. We managed to get her some new toys! Yeah! Finally.. and she's sort of resumed her playpen time. The new toys have sparked some new playtime interest.

She's still as lovable as ever.. :)

Separation anxiety? Thoughts on motherhood..

Candra's been doing fine for her playpen time for quite a while...but over the past few days, she's been rather clingy. She's less willing to play by herself. She cries when we walk away from her or leave her for a short moment...maybe she's going through what some people call "separation anxiety" and she's probably discovering more about her individuality. She's a lot more interactive now and more aware of her surroundings. She knows that sitting in the stroller or the carrier means it's time to go outdoors. She gets pretty excited when she sees her food etc.

Anyway, I have been thinking quite a bit about what it means to be a mother lately. Honestly, I admire those mothers who are stay-at-home mums. I don't think I can do that at this stage. On the 2 weekdays that I am at home with Candra each week, I find myself wanting to bring her out a lot and not wanting to just stay at home. I find myself feeling restless rather easily too. To a certain extent, I am thankful for the part-time arrangement during this season. The current arrangement provides me with the space to realise more about myself and what it means to be a mother. And I have come to discover that being a stay-at-home mum's not an easy task, especially for someone like me. I think it's got to do with my upbringing. I have been taught to be driven all my life, too driven perhaps. Thankfully God has stripped me off that driven-ness quite a bit over the past few years but I know there's still quite a lot that He has to do in me. I am really glad that God has blessed me with this arrangement and with the help of R at home during this season. This helps me to maintain my sanity for now so that I can be in a healthier state to bring Candra up. A mother must first be emotionally healthy and happy in order to give her child the best.

I have also come to realise that taking care a child is very physically demanding... and my body's condition is really not that great. I am trying very hard to make more adjustments to my lifestyle, eating habits etc. so that I will be better able to take care of Candra... but for now, I am thankful that I have the help of R at home...Without her help, I really don't think I can cope. Well, I've been telling myself lately to buck up when it comes to my physical health, because the family needs me. A mother must first take good care of herself before she can take care of her children.

To all the stay-at-home mums out there, keep it up! You are really amazing for being able to give to your children like that. :)

Well, both hubby and I feel really blessed... for we know that God has and is still providing for all our needs. He knows us best. We thank God for providing us with jobs which allow us to leave on the dot and stay at home on weekends so that we can enjoy more family time. We thank God for providing us with a wonderful roof over our heads. Considering the crazy HDB prices since 2007, we are thankful that God blessed us with this flat in 2006. We also thank God for blessing us with the help of R at home, she's been a wonderful help to our family. We are just so thankful. :)

3 exciting purchases

Hubby and I have been really excited about 3 recent online purchases we have made.

1. The GLO bible

2. God Provides

3. NIV Audio Bible

We received the "God Provides" set...and it's a really amazing production!

my little girl

Silly me!

I have this weird method of "saving $". Basically, when I am purchasing an item, I will just look at the various brands and pick the one which is the cheapest. This, I realised yesterday during grocery shopping with hubby, that it is super silly to do so. Why? Because I totally forget to take into account quantity and quality differences. Basically, instead of going for the cheapest, I should be thinking of getting something value for $.

Hubby and I did a silly thing yesterday. We went to GIANT supermarket to do some shopping, thinking we were getting some cheaper stuff. haha!! We totally forgot to take into account our transport charges and time taken. We ended up expending so much energy taking the bus there and back (with so many things on our hands) but not really achieving much cost savings. (We even had the silly thought of taking a cab back, can you believe it!) haha! We laughed at ourselves after the whole trip and decided to do ALL grocery shopping right at our area in future.

But well.. we still had a great time shopping at GIANT and laughing at our own silly jokes and behaviour! :) So that made up for it.

Lessons learnt:

(1) Value for $ is more important than going for the cheapest item on the rack!

(2) Always take into account transport charges, time and energy expended while thinking of cost savings.

Boy and Girl

PLEASE CLICK ON PICTURE!

Updates on our little one :)

Candra's turning 6 months old soon :)

Now that she's started taking solids, her highchair training's started too haha :). We got to keep her hands off her mouth, off the spoon and cup...and the more challenging one is to stop her from blowing bubbles with her food and saliva. Had to send her into the babycot twice during a meal cos she just kept blowing bubbles despite being told repeatedly not to do so. She's been behaving quite well on the highchair over the past few days and we are really thankful for that. She's also making less of a mess on the highchair for now. We shall see how things go... As a parent, I am learning not to giggle at her "super cute but unacceptable behaviors" haha!

Her daddy's on leave today and he brought her to the swimming pool for the first time. :) Someone gave her a set of swimming costume as a gift and she looks super cute in it.... She used her baby float for the first time too... but hmm...daddy thinks she is going to outgrow both the swimming costume and the float in a month's time... ooops! She apparently loved the pool... at least her first experience was positive :) Thank God! We'll be trying to bring her there more often so that she gets accustomed to the pool experience.

Parenting's an enjoyable journey... and it's really wonderful to see Candra enjoying herself everyday :)

Yeah! She recognises me!

Haha! Candra recognises me!!!

I know.. many people would respond with a "duh, you are her mommy!"..

Honestly, I have been paranoid about it since her birth... I keep wondering, "Does Candra really know who her mummy is? Will Candra be attached to me? etc"...

Only recently, she's started to show us that she recognises who her primary caretakers are.. and more importantly, she knows her mommy!!! :) yippeee! She'll always smile when she sees me....she'll cry when I walk away...she'll want me to carry her instead of some other people (including her daddy..oops!).

It's a nice feeling... :) Though hubby warned me today, jokingly, that I got to start preparing myself for that..haha...Candra's gonna need me a lot more than before. But yup. guess that's what being a mummy is about :) and I am so glad that hubby was not jealous today when Candra preferred me to him haha!

Please don't misunderstand, I am not being possessive here haha! I am just beginning to understand why people always say that a mommy shares a special bond with her child. :)

What are we up to lately? :p

Hmm... Candra woke up at 5am again today! We let her wear GIANT brand diapers to sleep again to see if that's the cause of her early wakings...indeed, she woke up at 5am! We will try HUGGIES ULTRA again and see if she sleeps better. If she does, then it could be a diaper problem.

Our family's now trying the following:

1. Less sugar

2. Less salt

3. More exercise

4. Less meat

5. Weekly coffee enema and juicing regime

6. Reusing and recycling

I have been advised that my runny and sneezy nose problem could be due to food allergies. So yup, I got to be off all dairy and gluten products.. No more cheese, cheesecake, chocolates, ice-cream, milk etc!!!

I hope to minimise the use of plastic/styrofoam takeaway boxes... the world's dying day by day. Will be bringing my own utensils to work...plus my own lunch box to pack takeaway food from the foodcourts/hawker centres. Join me in cutting the use of all these environmentally unfriendly products :)

Started solids and playpen time :)

We started Candra on rice cereal a few days back cos we thought it might be time for her to get started. We started thinking about solids when she started to wake up really early in the morning at about 4am EVERYDAY. She would wake up and play all the way up till 10am before going down for her first nap. She did that for about 2 weeks before we decided to try solids. Initially, we thought the super early wakings might be due to an increasing awareness and alertness to her surroundings...but it lasted for far too long. Since she looked like she really wanted to start having our food..we thought it's probably fine to start her at 5 months.

Ever since we started giving her rice cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner, she's been sleeping till 7am in the morning...back to normal. I'm wondering whether her early wakings were really due to her need for solids :). Anyway, she's been feeding fine.. enjoying each meal. Thankfully she finishes her milk before taking the solids so that ensures that she takes in the essential nutrients from milk.

Lately, she's been rather cranky on some days...we started her playpen time (20-30mins, twice a day)...on some days she would really enjoy playing on her own in there..on some days, she would be crying off and on, even when she's carried. She wouldn't want to play with anything sometimes. Maybe she's teething? But we've been waiting and we don't see any tooth coming out yet....hmm....cranky cranky.

As I spend time with her...I understand why people say that mothers will very quickly forget the labour pains and look forward to having a next one :) hehe.

Be strong in Him

Lately, I have been thinking quite a bit. (Some people would say that that's really normal for me, cos I think a lot most of time :p)

I have come to realise that I have taken on more roles in life...

1. Child of my aging parents

2. Wife of my hubby

3. Mother of Candra (and hopefully more to come :p)

4. Employee at work

5. Employer to my domestic helper

5. Leader in church

6. Mentor to some

7. Friend/sister

(might have missed out some...hee :p)

With age comes more responsibilities I guess... (hmm...why do I speak as if I am growing super old..haha), more issues to handle, more decisions to make (wisely, hopefully!), more challenges and difficulties to overcome etc. Was rather down for while...but thankfully, God's been giving me strength to overcome everything and to continue pressing on in Him with faith. Nothing's too difficult for Him and I know I can count on Him fully for the road ahead. I am really thankful for the support I have been receiving from some sisters through their prayers for me.

It's been great watching Candra grow up day by day...family time's been very enjoyable and enriching for us. Hubby and I still enjoy our moments together as a couple, but Candra's been such a joy to us and we are now experiencing a new dimension of our marriage :) Candra's indeed a blessing from God and she is super adorable! :)

As we think about the Candra's future in her own generation, we are sometimes filled with worries and fears because of the increasing darkness out there. Someone said that in her time, the darkness will be darker and therefore the lights must shine brighter. We have been constantly reminded of our heavy responsibilities as her parents i.e. to bring her up in the way of the Lord. Ultimately, God's the one who determines her path and guards her life for His own glory. Our simple prayer for her is that she will live to love God, fear God, serve God and trust God with all her heart and most importantly, to "shine" for Him (as her name suggests :p).

Not easy stuff

I am currently facing some difficult stuff in 2 important areas of my life.

I guess as we grow older and mature, issues which we have to handle become more complexed and difficult.

People relations are no longer as straightforward and easy...maybe that's why we always appreciate the innocence of a child.

Parents are growing older and with that new realisations about my responsibility as a child etc...

I need God to show me the way in the midst of all these...and learn to accept that decisions are just not as easy to make nowadays.

Some thoughts on sleep training again

I just watched a few videos on this topic of sleep training.

I have been wondering to myself, why do babies cry when they are put into their cribs awake? Why can't they just fall asleep when they are tired? (I used to ask Candra, "Why don't you just fall asleep since you are tired?")

I am thinking...well, just as adults experience some "down-time" before actually going to sleep (which explains the tossing and turning at times to get comfortable), babies probably experience the same. They don't just knock out all the time. Maybe they will "knockout" when they are really young (eg. in the first month) or tired...but as they grow older and become more alert, they start to become more aware of the "down-time".

So how do they spend their "down-time"? Other than crying, they can be nursed, rocked, soothed with props, patted etc. The question is, can they learn to fall asleep on their own like adults? The sleep training experts would say, yes they can.

People who advocate sleep training for children believe that sleeping is a skill and babies are capable of learning the skill if they are given the opportunity to do so. The crying comes because they are learning to self-sooth and are finding their own ways to fall asleep. Once they have learnt it...they will know how to spend the "down-time" on their own without their parents' help and without crying.

Sleep training is an interesting and controversial topic for parents to explore I believe. As with all training, it's definitely uncomfortable for both the parents and the child for a season...but there will be benefits to be reaped in the long run I suppose.

Had a great Tuesday!

Yesterday was my "stay-at-home day" with Candra.

Brought her to Y & K's place since I decided go on a mini excursion with her...just the 2 of us. We took the MRT and then bus to CCK. When we reached their place, K & her 2 kids were at home...we had Macs for breakfast. Candra was amazing..she took 2 long naps there...in C's baby cot. She was so good yesterday...played, had fun rolling around, then she napped. I had a good time chatting with K :) and playing with her kids. J & W and their little one also came over to have some fun.

After that, I brought Candra to visit my confinement lady somewhere nearby in CCK...oh my, she was so thrilled to see Candra!

We got home at 7pm! haha.. so that was 11 hours away from home for Candra!

After dinner, hubby and I went to get some playmats for Candra and after we got home, we went for our night jog around the estate. Lately, we have been doing some night runs, which really do help us to rest better at night. :p

It was a fun "stay-at-home day" :) haha

New haircut! :)

I went for a haircut...FINALLY! hahaha

I am not that sort who maintains my hair very well..

Anyway, I decided to chop off my long hair.. now it's errrr...pretty short I think.

A brother in church commented that I have returned to my RGS days! haha

So yup...it's pretty short but I like the fact that washing and blowing has become easier. I don't have to tie up by hair because of the heat as well... and more importantly, Yanyan will not pull my hair as much!!! haha! :p

Flipping back? :P

For the past 2 days, when I went into Candra's room to pick her up, she was lying facing up....which meant she probably flipped herself back from prone position :) hehe..maybe that explained why she did not make much noise in the morning. Hope she gets better at it :)

God has been answering my prayers for rest by keeping the little one quiet in the baby cot till 8am in the morning (even though she's been waking up at 4plus am apparently) :) hehe...thank God.

Busy weekend..thank God for the public holiday!

We had a busy weekend because of EO. It hasn't been easy trying to bring Candra along to all our rehearsals. But thank God, Candra enjoys her saturdays and sundays out with us to church... though she sleeps much later and lesser, we know she enjoys being around all the many uncles and aunties every week.

Both hubby and I enjoyed ourselves.. hubby was acting in the musical as one of the leads and I think he did a marvellous job! Of course.. all the other actors and crew members did a fantiastic job too. I played a small role (as hubby's wife) in the musical, played the keyboard and sang. I enjoyed myself tremendously cos it's been a long while since I played the keyboard and sang.

PTL! EO went on so well and ministered to many...F3 bro and sis: WAY TO GO!!!

But...it's been tiring.. hehe...it's really super different now that we have Candra...and hubby and I were just thinking we prob can't do something like that again... haha. Maybe we just need to scale down our involvement a little bit hehe :) I had to run around so much just to make sure Candra's naps and feeding are not affected.. ! Phew! By God's grace, we survived! haha..so this is what it feels like to serve as a family. Well.. though it's been tough, we all enjoyed ourselves.

We are so thankful for the public holiday today..cos we can make up for some lost time with Candra yesterday. Thankfully, my elder sis gladly babysat Candra for more than half a day yesterday. hee :) We are so glad that we can spend some good time together as a family today..bringing Candra up to SK to see her grandparents etc. I am sure all those involved in the EO are so glad for this day of rest! God knows our needs..:)

If the Lord had not been on my side...Psalm 124

Been doing Beth Moore's workbook, "Stepping Up"...today she told us to pen down our own version of Psalm 124. This is mine:

"If the Lord had not been on my side,

I would have allowed those hurts from childhood to haunt me for life.

If God had not been for me,

I would never have learnt to love and accept myself.

If God had not been for me,

I would have been so discouraged by my own negative thoughts and perceptions of myself.

If God had not been on my side,

I would have allowed Satan to bind me with feelings of guilt and unworthiness.

If God had not been on my side,

I would never have known that I am completely accepted - always.

My help is in the name of the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth - my Maker."

Do you truly believe that God is FOR YOU and is ON YOUR SIDE? That's something I struggle with every now and then... but still.. I am thankful... for He speaks this truth to me time and again.

Little cutesy! :)

Isn't she adorable?.... :p

The flipping kiddo:)

Yesterday morning, at 4+am..Candra decided to perform some stunts on her little bed...basically, she just kept flipping and crying off and on because she could not flip herself back and sleep... That lasted till about 6am before she decided to be quiet on her own...and then it started at 7am again...

We were wondering, what's wrong with her? She usually sleeps through till 7 or 7 plus.. it got us a little concerned. Was she uncomfortable? Was she hungry? It just so happened that I had a trial yesterday and I needed the sleep badly...but I had to be disrupted by her on and off cries. Thankfully, a sister (whose son also displayed the same behavior on the same morning, such a coincidence huh :) haha) told me that it's just a phase that Candra has to go through. She will behave like that early in the morning when she doesn't know how to flip herself back. That assured me quite a bit. yup, so for as long as she doesn't yet know how to flip herself back, I should expect some of such mornings.

The trial went on well but I did not feel really elated at the mini victory. Why? Cos only God knows whether perfect justice was achieved in that case. The reality in this world is that the outcome of a trial does depend on the competence of the lawyers, the competence of the witnesses etc. Everyone in the court is doing their job and trying their best to present and uphold the truth, but the truth may not always unfold. And all of us in the courtroom, being imperfect human beings will not be able to say with complete confidence that perfect justice was achieved at the end of the trial. Perfect justice is in our Lord.

What then was my role? To do my best as a professional and to do so with intergrity and hope that perfect justice was achieved.

So, it was a victory, but I hope it was also a victory which honoured God.

Anyway...I prayed to God last night and asked Him to cause Candra to sleep well at night cos I really needed to recuperate from the trial. I just asked for one night's of good sleep, without Candra disrupting me with her flipping. Praise the Lord! She only started calling for ppl at 740am in the morning.. which meant that I could sleep till 730am :)

I am just so thankful that I can be home with Candra today and catch some rest :) Thanks be to my loving God!

More about Candra..

Candra loves to flip herself...despite the fact that she can't flip herself back. Once she wakes up, she will start flipping and flipping and flipping.. we got to keep going in and out of the room just to help her flip back. :) haha

She's now starting to grab things..which includes pulling my hair of course and taking down my spectacles at times.

She was quite cranky over the past few days..quite abnormal..hubby thinks she might be teething already. But hmm....she's only 4 months old...is that possible?

Anyway, she seems to be back to normal today. Maybe she was cranky because she was off routine quite terribly over the weekend. :p

Still as adorable as ever :)

Lesson and Thought for the Day :)

"Singing lips best express a satisfied soul." (by Beth Moore, from her teaching on Psalms in the series "Stepping Up")

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you. (Psalm 63:5)

Are you singing songs of praise to our loving Lord?

Are you truly satisfied in Him?

Drinking more and more and more...:p

My little girl takes in quite a bit of milk I think...

90ml --> 120ml --> 150ml --> 180ml --> 210ml --> and now.....240ml!! And all these in just 4 months... wow... can't imagine how much she's gonna require when she is 6months old..

I wonder whether she needs to be started on solids earlier..hmmm... :0

"I want to sit!"

My little girl's been trying to sit up without support.... :)

She just turned 4 months' old yesterday! yippee!!!

Super adorable.. as usual ;) haha

She flipped :)

This morning.. Candra called out to us at about 750am and we discovered that she sort of flipped over...:p haha

But she did not know how to flip back so she needed some help there.

Oh gosh.. I am wondering whether she will just start flipping here and there and cry for help when she doesn't know how to flip herself back...How's that going to disrupt her naps? I usually only pick her up from her baby cot at close to 8am..what's going to happen when she cries for help before that, say at 730am? Should I put her back into the baby cot until time's up? Or what?

Aiyo :P But...it's cute.

It's really wonderful to see her grow from milestone to milestone.

About my girl...

:) Candra's been growing well. She's been drinking quite a bit of milk (over 4 meals)...Glory to God!

Hm...I think she's now at a phase where she just can't wait to be able to move her body and limbs a bit more. Lying down on the play mat and playing with the dangling toys is no longer that fun...she prefers to be propped up on her tummy (somewhat like a leopard crawl position) but she can't be in that position for too long as well. We started to let her play in another play gym..where she can play from a sitting/standing position (with support of course)...and she loves it!!!!

We try to leave her on her own to play sometimes, so that she will not be overdependent on adults during her waketime. She's been doing quite well... when she sees us doing our own stuff, she will just stay in her play area quietly, occasionally looking around to see if anyone's going to be free to play with her. :)

She seldom cries.. only cries a little when it's time for her nap... and maybe some fussing in the evening cos she's tired. But when she's angry..she really screams her head off haha!

She just loves to play...so she refuses to finish up her milk at times. We found a way to teach her :) when she protests and refuses to take a full feed, she will be put into the baby cot again! haha!~ We will leave her in there for a few minutes...she will fuss a little... but when we pick her up and explain to her what went wrong, she will seemingly understand and finish up her milk. It works!Thank God...if not I wouldn't know how to prevent her from snacking. Guess she's not really the greedy sort (unlike me!!!)...she prefers to play.

This cute little one never cries when she poos (since birth)! That's a problem.. sometimes we don't know that she has poo-ed..she just never cries when that happens. She will just stay in her bed, awake and playing (with terribly soiled diapers)...until we realise that she has poo-ed. haha!

Both hubby and I have concluded that our little girl is hardly bothered or disturbed by uncomfortable physical conditions. She has never cried because she soiled her diaper, never cried because it's too warm or too cold etc..but she definitely cries when she doesn't get to play! Cute..:p

That's my little girl.

It's truly been enjoyable spending time with her...lovely.

Family time...Relationships

Had quite a bit of family time over the past few days. Relatives gathered at my mum's place on sat evening to see little Candra. :) Brought Candra up to in-laws place for the first time yesterday. Though she did not nap very well there, she tried to sleep as much as she could in the new environment. Visited WG's grandparents after that...they were so happy to see Candra, afterall, she's their first great grandchild.

It's been great spending time together as a family, especially since hubby's undergoing reservist over the next two weeks starting from today.

Life is short...time is precious...we must learn to cherish each and every moment with family, relatives and friends. Only relationships are long lasting and important...and relationships are what make our lives worthwhile.

We had a good time with R,L and kids on saturday morning...we visited Hort Park together...hiked from Alexandra Road all the way to Vivo City and had our brunch at Macs.

Let's spend our time wisely...building meaningful relationships which count towards eternity. :)

Be Strong and Courageous

When I first returned to work two weeks back, I found myself struggling with negative thoughts and a whole lot of worries. Don't quite know how to elaborate right now...basically I was in a mess...

I struggled with a lot of doubts...wondering whether going back to work part-time is "right"...worrying about Candra's development and growth...etc etc...there were many times when I felt terrible about myself and started to think that I am a bad mum etc... basically, my spirit was really down due to the negativity and doubts. It was so bad that I found it difficult to pray and I felt so tensed up.

Until 2 days back, I shared with one of the partners of my firm. She's a Christian too and a mother of 2. She's currently working part-time as well. I poured out my troubles to her. She encouraged me, affirmed me and prayed for me. After that session with her, I realised that I have been allowing the evil one to attack my mind and those negative thoughts and doubts were just lies put into my mind to discourage me.

I was then reminded by this verse,
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

God was telling me to be strong and courageous. I had to surrender all my worries and fears to Him because He is in control. He knows the desires of my heart and He is watching over Candra. As I read about how the Israelites turned their backs on God and complained even after having witnessed God's works over and over again, I felt like I was one of them. Doubting God all of a sudden after having experienced Him in so many ways previously.

It's all in the mind. I was reminded by what the speaker shared last sunday...Satan uses 2 weapons, FEAR and DISCOURAGEMENT to attack God's people. And God wants us to fight the battle by being STRONG and COURAGEOUS. If we are not careful, we will fall into the devil's scheme without realising it. That was my problem.

Yesterday, I went to my primary school teacher's funeral. He died at the age of 71 and the cause of death was heart failure. It dawned on me once again that life is short and time flies. Lately, God has been reminding me that time is precious. If we do not live intentionally for His purposes, we will easily let time pass us by with realising it. Time when lost will never return.

What's most important on God's heart? Lost souls...Broken people who need to know Him in their lifetime.

As I reflected on what's on God's heart, it dawned on me that I have been struggling over things which really only serve to distract me from what's more important. Yes, it's definitely important to take good care of Candra and ensure she's getting enough attention so that she grows well etc...but I should not let that become my primary focus and the centre of all my struggles.

What does Candra really need to see in her parents as she grows up? Kingdom-minded children are raised by Kingdom-minded parents.

"33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (John 6:33)

The struggles are not entirely over...but I have come to realise that I need to put up a fight.

Chubby baby :)

Isn't she cute? :P

Does she look like me? Or more like her dad? Sometimes I think she resembles her daddy more...

Her favourite "game"....

A happy baby :)

Candra's 14 weeks old now. :)

This little girl can now be carried in an upright position without any support to her neck and she is expressing herself a lot more now.

Hmm.. she's getting bored with her toys though... she used to be really entertained by them and could play with them on her own for about half an hour or even more...but now, I think she's figured out that none of the toys can interact with her. They may smile at her but they do not make any noises or interact at all. She prefers to play with human beings now because we can, apart from smiling at her, talk to her, sing to her, make all sorts of sounds to entertain her etc. :) She enjoys moving her body, arms and legs... I think she's going to be quite active when she starts to crawl, walk....then run. Maybe that explains why she finds her toys 'boring'.

She doesn't like to lie down during wake time.. the lying down position is only reserved for sleeping time. She will only be willing to be carried in the cradle position when she is really tired and is ready to be put to bed. She wants to be carried in an upright position all the time...a sign that she's growing up huh:)

This little one cannot sit still for long... ever since she discovered that she can stand (with our help of course). She will find every opportunity to stand up and attempt to walk a few steps. Given that she's getting heavier each day.. (past 6kg now probably)... it's really tiring helping her "stand up" all the time..but she just loves that. I wonder what it would be like when she starts learning how to walk. :p

There's something which I find really interesting... she likes to suck her fingers..but she seems to have her own rules regarding the sucking of her fingers...the sucking of her right thumb is strictly reserved for naptime and bedtime.. other times...she enjoys sucking other fingers and almost never her right thumb. Haha :P

I just love watching her smile and hearing her laugh.. super cute. :) She's a happy baby....and I hope she will always be.

Another growth spurt? :P

This morning, I was shocked when I picked Candra up from her baby cot.

She looked...BIGGER.

I mean, her head looked bigger, her face looked bigger...her body seemed to have expanded.

My domestic helper thought so too.

True enough, for the rest of the day, her intake of milk increased. Instead of her usual 150ml, my domestic helper tried feeding her 180ml because she seemed unsatisfied with the 150ml.

Now I am hoping that my breastmilk supply can catch up cos I was not around to latch her on in the day. I was expressing milk in office..though I did try to express more than usual.

Think she just went through another growth spurt... the last time she went through one was when she was 6 weeks old. After that one, 120ml per meal was no longer enough and we had to up it to 150ml.

Her chest and abdomen area feels BIGGER...

It's amazing.....this growth spurt thinggie...

Control freak

I am such a control freak.

During my quiet time yesterday, I reflected and realised that I want to control Candra's growth so much. I want to make sure that all the decisions I am making and will be making are perfect to ensure that Candra grows well physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. The desire to keep things under control causes me to live in fears and anxieties and I easily fall into the trap of legalistic thinking while parenting Candra.

God reminded me that perfect love drives out fear and the one who fears is not made perfect in love (1John 4:18). God also drew my mind to remember that I live by grace and that His grace is more than sufficient as we move along. The more I make decisions out of fear and the desire to keep things "perfect" and "under control", the less I am relying on God. Any decision made out of fear will not please God and will certainly not bear the results I hope to see.

These few words kept coming to mind, "Less of me and more of You, Lord."

Recently, as I think through my decision to return to work etc...and wonder about the future, God's been leading me to meditate on Psalm 127:1,

¹ Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

Unless God builds my family, I labour in vain. Unless God watches over Candra's growth, I watch over her in vain. Less of self and more of God...

First day back at work

I am coming to the end of the first day back at work. I am grateful to God for leading me again today.

This morning, I felt so sad when I left home. Afterall, I have been spending so much time with Candra over the past three months. One part of me felt sad because I knew I would miss her, the other part of me felt "bad" for leaving her at home. I felt bad because I thought a mum who leaves her baby at home for work is a bad mum. I also felt a tension within myself because I knew I had to focus on my work in the day.

There was nothing I could do to make myself feel better but to pour out my heart to God as I travelled to work and I sensed God telling me that I should not think that a mother who leaves her baby at home for work is necessarily a bad mother. I felt God assuring me and comforting me that "it's ok and that He understands". After that, I prayed and asked God to help me focus on my work and not be half-hearted. I did not want to be "joyless" for the whole day. I had to surrender everything to the Lord...Candra, and myself.

I am thankful to God for leading me through the day. My colleagues welcomed me. The partners in my firm have been really understanding. They assured me that they understand my need to work part-time and are happy to work things out and be flexible. They are also prepared to let me have a flexible lunch hour to accomodate one breastmilk pumping session. They encouraged me to breastfeed for as long as I can and assured me that I could take time off to do the necessary. I am so glad dad's office is just downstairs, on 10th floor, because that means I have a good place to express milk, sterilise the equipment, bottles etc.. (many have told me that they have difficulty finding a suitable place to do that).

Boss was kind to exempt me from going to court this week so that I can ease into work slowly. The first day's not as bad as I thought really...

I am glad I can return home, knowing that I have the full day with Candra tomorrow. :) That gives me a lot of motivation to be efficient at work. Of course, the kindness of the partners at my firm also cause me to want to be more effective at work.

I thank God for leading me this day and I know I need only to move a day at a time. He is truly our refuge and our ever present help in times of trouble.

No matter what happens, being joyful, praying always and giving thanks in all circumstances is God's will for us in Christ Jesus. :P

A boy or a girl? :p

Back to work soon

I have decided to return back to work next week and I will be using my balance maternity leave to try out the part time arrangement. I will be working full days on Mon, Wed and Fri and staying home on Tues and Thurs. Initially, I thought I should work half days from Mon to Fri, but looking at Candra's routine and needs at work, I don't think that makes sense. Candra's daily routine is something like this:

8am: Nursing and waketime

930am: 1st Nap

1130am: Nursing and waketime

1pm: 2nd Nap

3pm: Nursing and waketime

430pm: 3rd Nap

6pm: Nursing and waketime

730pm: 4th Nap (catnap)

830pm: Nursing then bedtime

I think it would be more efficient for me to be at work for 3 full days and more fruitful to be at home for 2 full days rather then splitting up everything into half days.

I am not too sure whether things will work out well but for now, I thank God that my boss is very ready to let me try that out and work out something suitable in the long run.

Returning back to work also means more effort with respect to breastfeeding. I finally decided to invest in the Philips Avent ISIS Duo electronic pump set. Tried it out for the first time this morning and I think it's much more efficient than the Medela Pump-In-Style which I borrowed from my friend (but I am not too sure whether the newer Medela pumps are better). I hope that the process of expressing milk at work will be smoothgoing.

Well, I am thankful that Candra's settled well into her daily routine and is sleeping through the night after her last feed. I am definitely getting more uninterrupted sleep at night now and it's good because I am returning to work.

Please pray for me as I adjust back to work. I don't know whether I can keep every aspect of my life in good balance, but I will definitely do my best.

Sleeping through the night?

Last night, I woke Candra up at 1130pm for her "dreamfeed"...but she could hardly take her feed cos she just wanted to sleep so badly. So I decided not to feed her and hoped that she slept through the night. True enough, she woke up at 8am this morning for her first feed.

Contemplating whether to try again tonight and see if she can last till 8am again. I am really hoping that we can drop this feed permanently cos that means we can all go to bed after her last feed at about 830pm.

Relying on God in everything

I have been learning to rely on God through prayers as I go about taking care of Candra's daily needs. Truly, our God is with us every moment of the day and He is interested in every little detail. We should never only go to God for "big stuff"...cos He wants us to experience His involvement in everything.

I need God to help me discern Candra's cries. I need God to help expel the gas from Candra's little tummy which causes her discomfort (God has never failed to answer this little prayer of mine :p). I need God to cause Candra to take in full-feeds. I need God to cause Candra to be willing to settle down for sleep. I need God to guide me in Candra's feeding routine and to cause Candra to sleep through the night.

Lately, I have been trying to find out how long Candra can last through the night without a feed. It's really trial and error...but I have been experiencing God's faithfulness in guiding me through the process. With God's guidance, I adjusted Candra's last feeding time from 1+am...to 12+am....to 1130pm at night. Sometimes, Candra's feeding routine in the day may go off track for some reason or another, but God will always help us get back on track at some point.

God is good and He is super interested in our daily lives. Let us not only go to God for "big stuff" or only in times of trouble. We can experience His presence much more if we learn to rely on Him in all things.

There is no prayer which God deems as insignificant.

My girl's growing up

Time really flies. My girl's almost 3 months old and I am about to return to work.

I am grateful to God that Candra has been keeping her routine pretty well. I am hoping that she will continue to keep it well after I have returned to work.

I have my worries about returning to work and I am not too sure whether the part-time arrangement will work out. Loads of uncertainties ahead of me. I wonder whether I will be home to discover that Candra has moved to a 4-hour routine (so that I can adjust her feeding times accordingly) and whether I will be home to meet her next growth spurt (which would affect breastmilk supply). I am worried that she would stop keeping her feed-wake-sleep routine when I am away from home etc. etc. etc....

But I know, I have to cast all my anxieties on God who cares for all of us. I am definitely still learning the lesson of taking a day at a time and a step at a time.

God has been faithful... very very faithful... and He will continue to be so.

Honestly, I've been living as if there is a "perfect mum" standard, when there really isn't. Which explains why I am so easily stressed out and fearful that I am not doing my best for Candra. Questions like, "Does going back to work mean I am not as good a mother? Does taking some time off for myself and leaving her at home at times mean I am not as a good a mother?" bug me all the time. But, I know I really need to let go and trust that God's grace is more than sufficient. And remember that there is really no "good/perfect mum" standard that I got to match up to.

What's most important is LOVE.

Let's hope the perfectionist me will learn my lessons well :)

Thanks be to God!

Thank God.

Candra's napping much better lately.

She is officially weaned off her pacifier for both her daytime naps and bedtime (cos she doesn't want it anymore). BUT, she has found her thumb (oh dear)!

Maybe it's because she now knows how to self-sooth by sucking her thumb, she sleeps longer for her naps and she tries to return back to sleep on her own after waking up prematurely (instead of crying).

There is much less crying on her part nowadays. When we put her down in her baby cot for "Sleep-time", she goes off to sleep on her own most of the time. Less 30mins cat naps from her now.

Not too sure whether the modified "cry-it-out" method and the establishment of a routine taught her something...that's what we did with her in the hope of training her to take her naps. But anyway, we are glad that her napping has improved tremendously (considering she used to just sleep a maximum of 2 hours in the day).

I just want to give thanks to God for answering our prayers and the prayers said by many others. Ultimately, any learning or change on Candra's part has to be the work of God and no one else.

We prayed for a few things:

1. That Candra would learn to sleep on her own
2. That Candra would not have to rely heavily on the pacifier (which we felt disrupted her sleep)
3. That Candra would learn that her body needs rest when she is tired
4. That Candra would learn that napping is part of her daily routine
5. That Candra would take longer naps

Thanks be to God!

What can I celebrate about my child?

1. She is growing bigger by the day

2. She is feeding well (only once at night, last feed at about 8pm, first feed at about 8am)

3. Though she doesn't nap well, she sleeps pretty well at night

4. She has now learnt that napping is part of her routine (although she only naps about 30mins and often struggles to get back to sleep)

5. She can sit on the rocker and play with her toys all by herself for about half an hour or even more

6. When she wakes up early in the morning, say around 7am, she will continue to stay in bed quietly until she's hungry at about 8am.

7. She enjoys her playtime very much, smiles a lot, giggles etc. :)

8. She has learnt to suck her fingers and self-sooth to sleep at night (though she still needs the pacifier to settle herself at times)

9. Although she does throw tantrums during feeding and sleep time (never at playtime haha :p), she also displays obedience at times.

When I learn to give thanks for Candra, I realise that her "sleep" problem isn't that great afterall. Every kid poses a different challenge to his/her parent. I may think that Candra isn't an easy child to look after because she refuses to nap and to give her little body the needed rest in the day, but who knows, my next child might give me a different problem i.e. sleeping too much in the day and not sleeping at night :)

I really need to focus on all the good things about her, and less about the challenges she causes me to face :p

Learning as a parent

I haven't blogged for a while cos I was just too stressed out to do so. Well, it's the same issue i.e. Candra's poor napping and lack of sleep.

I am learning to accept the way things are and to surrender all expectations over her sleeping habits and hours to God. The more I get uptight over how she is doing in this area, the more stressed out I become.

Don't quite know how to describe what I have been learning as a parent. I am still discovering the lessons which God wants me to learn at this stage. Think it's got a lot to do with surrendering of control, trusting Him wholeheartedly and accepting non-ideal situations.

I have been experiencing lots of fears as well. Fears of making unwise decisions for Candra, fears that I am not giving Candra my best etc.

I am someone who expects a lot out of myself. Guess that's why I am expecting a lot out of myself as a mother. But there are just so many things out of my control and I have so many inadequacies.

Those who know me well will probably know why I am such a stressed out mum. But well, I am learning. Learning to takes things easy, learning to have more faith, learning to relax.

God's grace is more than sufficient.

Candra is still not napping as ideally, but I think I am beginning to better accept the way things are. Afterall, children often give their parents problems in this area. I will have to continue facing the issue in the years to come, I believe. If I can't cope with the way things are now, how will I be able to cope in the days and years to come?

Candra's still the sweetest little baby I've ever known :) Although she is super active and dislikes putting her body to rest, she is still so lovable and fun to be with. She is so much more expressive nowadays and she makes cute little noises :)

I want to enjoy her and delight in her. That's so much more important than ensuring that she is getting her ideal number of sleeping hours.

Dad & Candra time

My little girl

Let me share a little about my little girl. :) Wanna blog some of these details to serve as sweet memories.

This little girl of mine decides when she wants to nap. On some days, she will be so cooperative and just do what you want her to do. On some, she will decide to do things her way. When there are guests in the house, she will definitely not want to sleep. When she decides to sleep, she can do without the pacifier and any patting. When she doesn't want to sleep, offering the pacifier and patting her will also be useless.

She enjoys listening to conversations. She can stay put in one position for a long time when people are conversing. If not, she will feel bored rather easily. She enjoys going outdoors. Hubby told me yesterday that her expression changed completely when he was carrying her back home and she cried immediately upon reaching home. haha :) She now recognises the way home, the lift etc.

In the past, she used to stop crying once she was picked up from the baby cot. But nowadays, she will only stop when you open the door of her room and step out of the room into another living space.

She now throws tantrums while feeding cos she feels bored and wants a change of scenery and some fun. For a while, I was at a lost, cos I need to ensure that she gets a full feed at each feeding. Her tantrums made it really difficult for me to ascertain whether she was fussing because of gas in her stomach, or she was already full, or she just wanted to be released to have some fun. Today, I decided to just let her throw the tantrum and be silent until she stopped. This little girl tried to push her luck, but when she realised I was silent and peeked at me using the corner of her eyes, she stopped and quietly continued to feed. :) Her expression was so cute that it made me laugh. (haha! as a parent I should not have giggled, afterall it was a tantrum)

This little girl is generally more cooperative at night. She now goes to sleep much faster, with less resistance, cos she knows no one plays with her at night. She wakes up at times in the middle of the night and plays in the baby cot without crying for anyone. When she is done with her playing (which can be up to 2 hours), she will go to sleep on her own. Sometimes I wonder what's so fun about playing by herself in the baby cot in the middle of the night. :)

Though it's been difficult tackling her sleep and feeding problems, it's also been fun getting to know her, discerning her cries, watching her throw her tantrums etc. She is so intelligent and she communicates with us through her various expressions and cries. It's amazing.

Despite the numerous discipline problems and headaches she has been giving us, we still think she is SUPER CUTE! :p

Overwhelmed

Been feeling overwhelmed since yesterday because of Candra's napping issue. Thankfully, a sister came by today to spend some time with me and my dear mentors T & A encouraged me through their emails.

She is finally napping a full nap now.

This little girl made noise over about an hour before she finally decided to sleep last night after I spanked her little thigh again. She understood that she was being disciplined and that she had to obey. Thankfully she obeyed and did not protest any further.

Hai... it's so tough being a parent. I think I can better understand now how God feels when He disciplines us. Indeed, God disciplines those He loves. Discipline is not just painful for the child. It is painful for the parent as well. When God disciplines us, His heart definitely aches.

I am a stressed out mum AGAIN! Got to start relaxing AGAIN! Argh!

Sleep training and Obedience training

Candra is currently undergoing sleep and obedience training.

Since Candra was about 2 to 3 weeks old, she had problems taking her naps. The confinement lady used all sorts of methods to put her to sleep, but she would always wake up. I felt so lost and stressed throughout the first month because I kept wondering what was keeping Candra from napping well and going to bed early. The first few weeks was really difficult. My confinement lady who has 15 years of experience finally told me that she "surrendered" haha :) She told me she had never seen a kid who fights sleep so much.

I cried out to God in desperation many times and asked Him for a solution to the problem.

During the first month, I thought of using the "cry-it-out" method to train Candra to acquire the skill of sleeping on her own. I tried, but Candra would cry over many cycles of 10-15mins. Instinctively, I felt that it would not work on her, so I gave up. Candra displayed a desire to nurse more, so we offered the pacifier. We thought the pacifier would be a cue for her to sleep, but that did not work too. Then we tried patting her to sleep, but that did not work too. She just kept fighting sleep.

Finally, one day, I observed her behavior and decided that if her problem was that she DID NOT want to sleep, but wanted to spend more time playing, this girl would require some discipline. I adopted a different method and started being rather firm with her. I would still offer the pacifier and offer to settle her to sleep by patting her. I would signal to her that she has to sleep by using my hand to close her eyes. If she still resists being settled to sleep, I would walk out of the room and leave her to cry for 10-15mins before going into the room again. I would repeat the same gestures until she was willing to obey and be settled to sleep (modified "cry-it-out" method).

Amazingly, hubby and myself discovered that she responds to our firm instructions. As a 7week old baby, Candra has already been spanked (lightly of course) on her thigh when she chooses to disobey. She also expressed her displeasure at being disciplined. Candra understands our instructions and communicates with us through her cries. She protests and protests and protests but we maintain our position that she has to be in the cot and MUST sleep.

After adopting this method, her napping has improved slightly. Settling her to sleep at night can still be very challenging, especially when there are guests in our house (cos she wants to play). Yesterday, she broke her own record by crying 4 - 5 cycles over 1.5hours before being willing to sleep. She DECIDED to obey and sleep at close to 11pm! Terrible for an infant at her age!

This little girl does not heed her body's signal of tiredness. She can stay alert for more than 4 hours at a stretch. Babies usually knock out by a certain time at night, but this little girl certainly has not displayed signs of knocking out. She needs to DECIDE TO SLEEP.

Through this sleep training experience, we have come to know Candra better. She is very intelligent but also very obstinate. She is very playful and dislikes being put to bed. She communicates with us through her cries and she understands our instructions through the tone of our voices. We feel that she learns primarily through communication.

Candra's cries speak a lot about how she feels. Putting aside her hunger cries, we know when she is protesting, when she is trying her luck to see if someone would just enter the room and bring her out, when she is just fussing for the sake of fussing, when she is throwing a princess tantrum etc.

Many have commented that I have a playful and fiesty little girl. That's quite true.

Through this whole experience of finding a method to sleep train her, I realised it's really important to know your child. Every child is unique and need a unique method of training. I have also come to realise that obedience training can start as early as birth. She may just be an infant but she already displays understanding.

Well, we will just keep at what we are doing, cos we have no other way. We will not resort to using a rocker or carrying her to sleep. So she just got to learn to obey and go to sleep when she needs to. :)